Felt like i had hit rock bottom but talking saved so much pain..

[butterflykiss]

Hi everyone, i haven't been on here for a while due to a real bad downer that had me looking at a site that tells you how to take your own life and what will happen if you choose a certain way to do it. At first i was all alone by myself and was feeling so lost and alone as everyone had gone out even knowing my state of mind. As i looked at it and read of all the ways it tells you what to do something happened and i closed my PC. I felt that my father who died when i was 4 was speaking to me and telling me that this was something that i didn't want to do and that my mind was just tired and needed a rest. Well now i do believe that my dad even in death saved my life and i went back on to the site and read everything i could, not because i wanted to use any of what was on it but to learn more about what would happen to the body and mind if any of the so call way's didn't work and i am a person who loves to find out about the whole part of taking one's life and not just the after part. Some may not understand my thinking but it's alway's been who i am. I have to soak up every bit of information no matter what the subject is about. I have been fighting this blooming flu that is going round but i am still here and now i no that even tho i felt all alone then, i now realise i wasn't..My depression has been on a roller coster from then but at least my family and a few close friends who i trust so much took what i told them and didn't judge me but embraced the fact that i told them what i did. I just want you all to no that we are not alone and that there will be good and bad days but talking and saying how you feel is such a great feeling not just for us but now i have found that my family are more relaxed around me and they have lost that "whats she gona do next look" and believe me that makes me feel so much better..All i want to say is Don't be afraid to talk to some one you trust as you will miss out on the great feeling of getting something off your mind and feel so good at the same time..

Thank you also to the wonderful people on here also..

Looking forward to better day's

Kazza xxx

[Gambit62]

Glad that you found talking with family and friends so positive.