Why do I have constant bad things happen in my life it's constant..wunder when I'm going to break :( can only be strong for so long!

[Lvmyboys]

[Gambit62]

Sorry to hear things are so difficult.

Sometimes bad things do happen ... and they can keep happening like an avalanche for a while and when that happens it's easy to be overwhelmed by the fear that it will never change and you won't be able to cope but the reality is that you have coped this far and you sound like a really strong person, even though you may not feel that way ... just the name you have chosen makes me think you must be a really strong person.

Can you talk about any of the specific things that have happened

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Hello BOB here

Sorry for your loss, the termination you had must have been horrendous,, it seems that your partner has been supportive and you now have three nice children who will keep you busy and active.

Many people would be more than happy to have such a good relationship with their children and be able to play with them. This should help you take your mind of the horrific thoughts you are suffering from.

Sadly I gather you may not have any more children because of the problems you are suffering from.

I would hope after the surgery the hospital or GP has referred you to a councillor who would be able to relate to the problems you are now suffering from. If this is not the case you really need to see your GP and He could now refer you.

Sometimes under these circumstances both you and partner could go together, as both will have unfinished business to put to bed, both of you must be grieving the loss of a child, caused by no fault of your own.

Sadly I am not qualified regarding your problem, although I would suggest that you see someone who can put all these negative feelings to rest. Remember it is right to grieve and it is also good to talk and give each other healing and understanding

Remember you two are there for each other and you have also the kids who will keep you both going. Remember life is for living

Take Care

BOB

[Lvmyboys]

My partner is still in prison as iv for what ever reason thought he'd been hurting me...I blamed him for the termination and from there believed he was out to get me.. I told my mum everything I thought was real then he got arrested, it didn't sink in till weeks after and I started to get flash backs I know now he never hurt me but the police don't want to listen there just gunning for a conviction, my doctor as wrote to the cps also iv had a physiactric assessment who've also wrote but they still don't want listen, how can I live with myself if he gets convicted coz I had a mental episode, they've got my medical notes iv been pregnant 3 times in past 3 yr lost 1 got postnatal depression, as wel as still greaving, suffer bad aneixity attacks night terrors reciently bein diagnosed with PTSD and OCD I feel I'm getting the help medically but how can I get better with this hanging over me?? My boys are lovely they are what I live for I just want my family back then we can get through this together then top it off this past 2 week my 1 yr old picked up a bug which affected his breathing he's was on oxygen in hosp for 2 days I was terrified, a friend commited suicide and my sis got rushed in hosp last night as she's got this bug? That's the major things without the day to day worries ov life!!!! Bet u wish ud never asked lol xxxxxxxxxx

[Gambit62]

Hope your 1 yr old is a on the way to recovery - as is your sister. That must have been very scary.

The whole thing with your partner sounds extremely complicated, and it does sound as if a lot of things are going wrong that shouldn't go wrong. Are you in contact with victim support. They may be able to give you some support. If your partner goes to prison it won't be because of you - the mental episode you had was that and you weren't fully responsible. It is everything that has happened since that and the way others that should be listening aren't listening that is the problem ... though I suspect it is probably quite common - because of the way domestic violence works - that they may think that you are trying to protect him rather than get to the real truth - victim support may be able to help. It sounds as if you are certainly doing everything in your power.

[Gambit62 in reply to Gambit62]

Sorry was a bit rushed for time earlier so ...

In relation to the situation with your partner - the standard of proof in a criminal case is 'beyond REASONABLE DOUBT'. One of the functions of the cps is to review cases before they go to court and weed those that aren't going to succeed out - however, it's a process that takes time because there will be different departments and different people involved - and that can be very frustrating. Are you in touch with your partner? - does he have a lawyer? and are you in touch with the lawyer?

In relation to your friend - really sorry to hear about that - but if you are having thoughts about death and are starting to be scared that you might do the same as you friend then please bear in mind the following

a) thoughts of death are a normal response to high levels of stress

b) having the thought doesn't mean you will act on it

c) you obviously love your children and even if it was more than the natural thoughts I think you are probably unlikely to do anything because of them.

The PTSD and OCD are things that are going to affect the way you think and your ability to cope with the current situation - in particular they focus you on the threats and the downs. The help that you are receiving should actually help you with being more resilient so just hold on in there. I know its more than enough for everyone to cope with but you have a lot of inner resources and you will get through all of this.

[Lvmyboys]

Thank you you seem a lovely person with lots ov knowledge ov life, yes I go and see my partner speak on the phone everyday and write I love him to bits it's took all ov this to realise the termination wasn't his fault and that I do love him, I understand they deal with domestic violent cases all time but they shouldn't dismiss what iv been through and what I'm trying to tell them they have my records and letters from health professionals... I'm trying to keep things together and keep things as normal as poss for the boys.. Then I get police here last night with a court summons it takes me all my time to throw myself into leaving house most days and holding up a false smile there going to rip me to bits in court I don't have no support the cps are supposed support me but they want a conviction so there not supporting me, he has a solicitor but I'm not allowed contact with them so I'm doing all this alone!! My little boy is ok now he's on inhalers until they asses him again and my sister has been let home today she got a problem with her body fighting infections she's ok tho, it's ashame what my friend did he had his reasons I suppose but he left behind 2 beautiful children! Everything just seems like a battle n I feel I'm loosing all time, I'm dreding the trial what if he does go down ill never forgive myself for taking him out the children's lives and mine he's already missed so much that wel never get back but to think hel be punished for trying get me help I can't put into words ow rotten I feel it kills me, I'd never do anything stupidl I cudnt be so selfish to my children I live n breath for them everything I do every penny I spend is for n on them there my world! Xxxxxxx

[Gambit62 in reply to Lvmyboys]

Just keep posting - and use this as a way of letting things out that you obviously can't let out with the children - you will get through this.

Was the summons for an actual trial or a pre-trial hearing.

At the end of the day you can complain to the Police Complaints - sorry don't have any details of that - Citizens Advice might be able to help you.

[Lvmyboys]

Thank you, it's for a proper trial! I don't know how all this works I didn't even think ov citizens advice, it's nice reading thro this site sounds awful but seing people with anxiety and other problems makes me feel less un normal if that makes sense! I shud post on other people as I suffer from what most do I just don't feel good enough to yet just feel I'm a bad person that's why all bad things happen I run mysf ragged trying do good things try compensate for me as a person I sound nuts ano thank you for your comments I don't feel so alone just wish there was a easy solution thank you xxxxx

[Gambit62 in reply to Lvmyboys]

Really sorry to hear that - it is unfortunate that our legal system is so adversarial

Have you been in touch with victim support at all - know you probably don't feel like you are a victim but actually you are on so many levels - they may be able to support you and just listen to some of your fears about the court room.

Would it help may be, rather than regarding it as something that is happening to you, to look at it as an ordeal you need to go through to get the best for your children - contact with their father. You sound like the sort of person who would be prepared to go through fire for your children?

And you aren't a bad person because a bad person just wouldn't care or try to do anything to compensate - but do try to remember that you really do need to take care of yourself and not be hard to yourself because if you don't you won't be in a position to help anyone else.

Glad that you don't feel so alone ... I actually think it's the majority who think that they are normal that have the real problem

The reality is that things just happen - the best of us learn from them - that learning might be empathy or understanding or it might be the realisation of just how strong we can be.

[Lvmyboys]

Yes iv spoke to victim support she's lovely but cannot do anything other than listen.. He's got a bail hearing Friday I'm just going to turn up n say my piece as no1 will listen I can be strong when I'm pushed just have my bad days but iv always been a strong straight talking person just the bad things that life throws has made me a physoctic loonatic lol I just need to see an end then I'm not in limbo I'm a controlled person I have things in a set way or plan things the unknown scares me to death, I was just about to go into becoming a pcso iv done my training before I had the boys and fit all criteria as there was space there no way they take me now because ov my mental health.. Feel like iv destroyed everything because I didn't know how to deal with the loss of my baby I destroyed everyone I love n dreams ambitions everything I need more than counselling I need a bloody mirikle xxxxx