Have you been traumatised by a counselor who didn't understand your trauma & how narcisstic abuse works ? Warning long post.

[k77a]

Hi I have a counselor who I feel is invalidating me & making my trauma , worse .I don't think she , has training in narcissistic , abuse or the other dynamics , of coming from a deeply dysfunction , religious cult like "family" .

In the last session, we were talking about a letter my sister sent me , I was EXTREMELY anxious to open it as she is a chronic emotional & religious bully, never takes real responsibility for her actions & does the false blame thing .Me & my sister , have very low contact since she sided with a "family" abuser who was targeting Me for years.

The relationship with my "sister," finally broke down year half ago, after she ignored my abuse, & tried to talk me out of the reality , with her false narrative.

Due to my sister , behaviour I now have an almost non existent, relationship with my niece , who I was extremely close to , before & I had a beautiful relationship with.

My sister has purposely not allowed me access, even though her daughter (my niece e) has no idea why I no longer see her & thinks she is not loved anymore ( My "sister " is purposely witholding contact & refuses , to tell my niece that her uncle is a bully & abuser, & that's why I didn't want to be at my sister house as the abuser can pop by any time.

I have spoke to my counselor about this on a couple of occasions.Last session, with my counselor she , said it sounded like my sister wanted no contact with Me.Yet I thought counselors were meant , to be neutral !! This counselors assumptions were, severely wrong in that my sister is hounding , harassing Me for some kind of relationship as I read this sent in the Letter , my sister wrote to me.& Posted to my property.

I no longer want this women , as my counselor as I feel she lacks insight & is aiding in causing Me to doubt the reality, that I have been living through the hell of being scapegoated for many years for telling the truth.Has anyone else experienced this,?? I know it's common as counselors are not trained on narcissistic abuse , but overall I don't gel with the counselor & , I am thinking of ways, to tell her I am disappointed with the 6 sessions, & want to end the sessions, with her.

[Dizzytwo Moderator]

Hi there, if you wish to leave the counselling sessions. Why don't you? Or if you think you could work better with a different Councillor. Or if you have a complaint about your Councillor why not ring and ask to speak to the team clinical lead.

Momo

[k77a in reply to Dizzytwo]

Yes had not thought, of going the ringing route rather than facing her on a zoom call... and telling her face to face that's an option I guess.Thank you for your reply 🌺🌼

[Dinkie]

Suggest you stop the sessions and find a counsellor you can work with. Counselling does involve addressing painful issues in a safe environment. All counsellors should offer the first session free of charge or at least have a discussion on the phone to see whether you both believe you can gain some benefit from sessions. If offered on the NHS it should be possible to ask to change counsellors without too much issue.

[k77a in reply to Dinkie]

Yes have had counselling before .And now remembering that I can , change counselors .Thank you for your reply 🌺🌼

[Bambi60]

Hi, I am sorry that you find yourself in a situation like this. You should be able to change your counsellor - you need to feel understood and supported - I concur with the suggestions of the responders above - and wish you luck with your process etc I had a really affective counsellor and she helped me enormously. X

[Yassytina FMA UK Volunteer]

Hello, I am very sorry to read of your upset and must be very painful for you as you must miss your niece so much, I have been in this position where our grandchildren were used in this way and missed so much of them growing up, such a shame , hopefully when she’s older you might be able to make contact again, in the meantime I do have alot of empathy , yes differently change the councillor, take care x

[rebelist45]

My husband and I went to counselling as things were getting very controlling by my husband and there were violent flares from both of us . They refused to see us both together , only individually and basically said you should get divorced. They were so unhelpful. I tried to explain that it was my husband who had anxiety issues and the backlash came on me .

[Hidden]

Hi. You can request another counsellor. I’ve refused people in the past as I sensed they did not have the required skillset for me. You may have to go back on a waiting list, but it’s worth it to get the right person. Good luck x

[Dizzart]

Yes end the sessions with her as she is clearly upsetting and you would get much more emotional support from just a good friend or even and often a stranger you chat 👍🏻👍🏻🤗 hugs

[Midori]

Make a complaint and ask to see a different counsellor. If you are in the States you are paying for this, so choose another person.

[UltimatelyMe]

HelloI would definitely change. Positive change from therapy comes from a good counsellor and being able to form a good relationship with them. It is important you trust them. Good luck.

[Hidden]

Yep… get some basic stuff to tide you over..it’s worth the wait for someone decent. Nothing is going anywhere.

See if you can find any books that can help whilst you are waiting; there are some good ones out there.