Some advice please - struggling

[Rosimadd]

Hi all

I wanted to ask for some advice please. I am feeling very low at the moment and struggling to do many everyday things. I have an overwhelmingly feeling of ' what is the point' and what value do I bring???

I try to do things and either my mind says don't be stupid you can't do that or my body won't play ball. It's a never ending feeling if failure.

My GP has referred me to counselling I wanted to know if anyone else has such overwhelming feeling of failure due to fibromyalgia and depression?

Please let me know if you don't mind xx

[NB2014]

Good morning Rosimadd

You are not alone , I was a qualified nurse for 28years before I had to take my ill health retirement Around 6 years ago ! I have quite severe ME & Fibromyalgia

Most days I feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle , I too have feelings like you & often think I’m only existing & not actually living !!! I am lucky to have a lovely husband & two children who are very supportive but when you get so low & are in too much pain you do feel so low , exhausted and the constant pain brings you down to rock bottom !

Over the years I have learnt to leave the dusting & housework etc and rest when my body tells me to , sleep when I can ( as I’m often up during the night with pain walking the floors !😩!! )

I try to occupy my mind reading , or just relaxing with candles or burning lovely oils to calm me as I’ve always been used to been busy and never stopped but you learn to try to take time out for yourself & do whatever you want to do or just relax with your eyes closed !

I know you’ve probably heard it all before - I had but I find it very hard to switch off and your body & mind can get so exhausted that you start to feel worthless & think what’s the point !😞

I’ve had numerous sessions of counselling etc over the years as had quite severe depression at times but i do try to do gentle yoga in the house if I can & now tap into a great app - Stop, Breathe & think you can do it anywhere as short & long sessions on there !

Go to counselling and try to pace yourself ( which really i should laugh at myself telling someone else to pace themselves which I know majority of days I definitely don’t !!) BUT I suffer from it if I don’t 😉

Please try to take time out for you , decide which days / afternoons or whatever will be your time and do whatever you fancy doing or just Do NOTHING!

I really hope you start to feel better soon & wish you well , take good care , hope to speak to you again soon for a catch up xx

[Rosimadd in reply to NB2014]

Thank you for your lovely comments. I will try the app and see how it goes.

I am going to keep fighting but I seemed to have lost my way a bit.

Thanks so much for your kind words.❤️

[Cat00]

Hello, I feel the same, I carry so much guilt. I'm constantly depressed that I don't bring any income into the household. I was 5 and half stone by the time I graduated from my degree, that was over 20 years ago and I've never had paid work. Obviously being of woman I still do masses of unpaid work looking after the children and trying to do housework. I hate not having my own money, I hate not being able to contribute too. Plus I was such a feminist and now I'm kept by a man. Although I'm lucky he is a kind man, it still gets you down.

Sorry to say I had 20 years of therapy then they took it away because I had a child!

Wish I could shake the guilt though- sorry to be so depressing!

[Rosimadd in reply to Cat00]

Don't apologise we will get through this🤪

Thanks for your reply I hope you also start to feel better soon xx

[Cat00 in reply to Rosimadd]

Thats sweet of you! Not sure me offloading loads of crap will make you feel better but I was having a bit of a bad patch myself something triggered my IBS yesterday and I was so bloated and in pain I couldn't do an awful lot, then follows a non-existent nights sleep and then I saw your message and felt so similar. Fibro comes with so many other things its a constant battle that changes everyday you can't keep up with it. Fingers crossed you get an intelligent, sympathetic counsellor, they are out there but there are a lot not so bright ones too!

[Rosimadd in reply to Cat00]

Oh I am with you with the IBS and sleepless nights it's exhausting. Don't worry about off loading it in a way helps as I know I am not alone in dealing with this horrible illness. I also carry guilt as I used to have a full time job and we had a nice life. But now I don't work which makes me feel like I don't contribute anything. I am lucky that I have an amazing husband and I have two grown up boys who also are really understanding and come and see me with their girlfriends which is lovely. They are definitely what keeps me going.

I am hoping that the counseling will help but have to wait and see.

Hope you have a fairly good day and thanks again for your response.

XX

[Lizzy-m]

Oh sweetheart please don't feel you're alone with this. Get the help you need, take the medication offered. Believe me there is a way through this. Being in pain would make anyone depressed. Don't beat yourself up. You're entitled to feel down, it always, always passes. These feelings are perfectly normal. You writing on this forum in itself is showing you that your life is worth living. Please believe me, things will get better. Be nice to yourself and get the help and treatment you need. Sending love ❤

[Rosimadd in reply to Lizzy-m]

Thank you so much, I will continue to fight this but sometimes you just haven't got the energy to fight anymore.

Thank you for your kind comments ❤️

[SNOWPAIN]

Hi I started painting. I also listen to audio books and started knitting I’m not good at all but surprised my family think about something you would like to do and go for it 🙂

[Rosimadd]

Thank so much for your reply. I normally crochet but have too much pain in my arms and hands at the moment.

I take my dog out most days but use a mobility scooter but it gets me out which is the main thing I suppose.

Thanks again sending you gentle hugs xx

[aytias]

Hi, the 'what is the point' question is usually one of the first symptoms of the sleep disturbances and lack of serotonine. Try to understand it's very normal and it's definitely NOT your fault.

I remember the first months of fibromyalgia I was trying to explain to a counsellor on the phone that I'm angry because I can't sleep and she was trying to convince me that I should try to stop being angry and do a CBT course. I don't have anything against CBT but at that point it seemed like she was playing a very bad joke on me!

Depression usually gets you into a train of thought where everything is your fault and you should have done better. Remember that you can't win this battle, so try to direct your thinking into unrelated things (hopefully positive), listen to music or podcasts about the things you love or used to love.

All the best and try to resist the temptation to blame yourself!

[Hidden]

I can’t offer you any advice because I am in the same boat but l can offer you my support.

I do hope you find a way to get some relief and some decent rest.

Best wishes 🙂

[Annmarie09]

Hello yes still do after years of fibro. Thing is I think we go and bad times I’ve learnt t enjoy the good times and not be surprised y the bad.

This is it so we have to accept it. Be strong and take your time be kind to yourself xx

[Dawndanks]

Absolutely, my moods are terrible at the moment and it's causing so many problems in my relationship too.

I don't think that lockdown has helped anyone's mood swings at the moment. And the worst thing is that people just don't understand the extent of fibromyalgia and what happened it plays with your life.

Even whilst taking antidepressants I am suffering with terrible rage and anger and I feel like it's never going to stop!

The smallest things will set me off and I'm just constantly apologising for my behaviour.

I generally only go out of the house once a week for a little mooch around the shops but that's an absolute nightmare at the moment with covid and that really doesn't help.

We have been lucky enough to find a reasonably priced log cabin so that myself and my family can leave these four walls and forget about all the problems for a while.

Just know you are not alone and so many people are being affected in the strangest ways throughout this pandemic.

Mood swings, hypersensitivity and an impending sense of doom seems to be the norm at the moment, but hopefully it won't be too long before we can all get back to a sense of normality.

Sending virtual hugs your way x

[YASMINTINA FMA UK Volunteer]

Hello, yes I totally get it we can easily lose our focus as we get to grips with fibro on a daily basis, I have cfs/fibro and I don’t mind saying that I have had both anxiety/depression, I tried cbt which was helpful but finding a med which keeps me balanced was the answer for me. I think talking here does help, part of a very big club unfortunately. I try and look back at my week and take out the good bits I managed to achieve, this was Tuesday taking a boat out on the lake with my little grandsons, Friday and today I’m feeling very unwell and I am going to miss seeing my friend for a Barbie as it’s his birthday ,this is the horrid bit , so I have no choice but to ride the storm and when it passes start again. We do try pace ourselves and take time out to do things you enjoy, I too have learned that housework has to be spread out. Hope you enjoy the chats here xxxx