Hi everyone, oh well Iv just had this conversation with my hubby and it's made me feel quite down, but is he right or not, I go to a friends cub camp every year but this year it's being held in April not that it makes any difference to my decision, due to getting worse with my Fibro Iv thought long and hard about it and come to the decision not to go this year, there is a four and a half hour drive to get to my friends and I do not think I could drive that distance now,also the camp is all weekend and you don't get much time to sit and relax, anyway I'm really going to miss not going but I think it's for the best safer for me and other road users.
Hubby said he feels sad that I'm not going as I have been going for years,but agrees that the drive might be too much,
then bam he turns it around to being all about him, he suffers from fatigue and has done for many years and Iv lived with him going for forty winks in the middle of party's, on holiday, lots of times over the years and I understand this is what he has to do to function properly and he says see I fight it ,you can't give in to these things or they take a grip.
"you don't push yourself
You lay down to it
you do nothing,"
meaning I don't exercise or go for a walk he says, aye right I would do if my legs were not to sore and heavy, go on your exercise bike, ok I will when my legs feel like my own. I just wish I could make him understand how this feels Iv told him what I'm experiencing now and it's as if the signal is not getting from my brain to my legs, sometimes they just won't move I want to turn over in bed but my legs don't move, sitting on the sofa Iv tried to get up but my legs won't hold me or move, "go back to the doc and tell him this" he says. I don't think the doc can make them work if they don't want to, I honestly do what I can keeping my home clean and tidy, keep the washing up to date i now I find I cannot stand and do the ironing as my arms get so weak and heavy, so I'm lucky that we can afford for me to send it get done when I have a good lot to make it worth it. I cook granted not great big meals but I still do the cooking. I crochet when I'm sitting as I find it relaxing.
He says he does understand that I'm not well but if this is him understanding? Or be honest am I in the wrong? Expecting more from him.
Rant over I think thanks for listening in a fashion. Lol
Granniecrochet.
Gentle huggles
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Lizzie57
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15 Replies
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Morning Granniescrochet,
Love your work
My hubby suffers from Chronic fatigue and although he is a lot better than when he first had it he would have his forty winks, as you say I, like you, have let him do this as I know this is how he recharges his batteries.
Like your hubby mine also says he understands my fibro but then would do exactly like yours and tell me to try and do a bit more and that was how he got through the worst of his CFS. Rather than start an argument I usually just tell him that I do what I can when I can and if he thinks I should be doing more HE should do more of the housework so I am not so tired to try exercising That is usually enough to get him to leave me alone. He means well, he just has a different approach and he is very helpful most of the time
I have found over the years though that he doesn't like seeing me in pain, and then because he can't help or fix it he throws out solutions to the problem and then usually backtracks in a week or so to "Don't try doing so much, rest if you need to. That's your body telling you not to push it" Men are funny beings, and maybe you having to cancel your trip has made him realise that things are not easy for you and he can't do anything to help your pain or tiredness so is trying to push you in what he probably thinks is an encouraging way.
My advice, for what it is worth, is smile and carry on as you are. Do what you can, and just now and then point that out to him
My latest battle is night time driving, the lights irritate me so I try not to drive in the dark. He thinks it is just me making an excuse to get him to do the driving Next week he will be taking the keys off me automatically and telling me I shouldn't drive at night as the lights annoy my eyes....I just have to wait for that penny to drop
Hi thank you for your kind words, oh and as for the night driving I'm the same and my husband bought me a pair of night driving glasses and it makes a great difference all the light look yellow and not nearly as bright. Hope this helps you.
Thank you for that Granniescrochet I have to wear prescription glasses for driving at night but I will ask them if they can put the yellow tint in them
Sorry, but I think if you don't feel up to something then you just don't, so I disagree with your husband. Perhaps its his way of expressing his worry - but if it is, it's a clumsy way of doing so. Some days I can barely get up and down stairs, when I'm having a bad day I give in, if I 'push through' I really really struggle the next day in terms of pain and fatigue and I know I've done too much. I've learned to say 'no' - whereas before I would do it, thinking I shouldn't give in and then been laid low for days. This fibro is what it is, it's taken me a good six months to come to terms to the bad days and slow down and, perhaps because I don't have a hubby just my daughter, and so have no-one to answer to, it's been easier for me to do what I feel like doing. Perhaps your hubby should be grateful you can still do what you do.. Take care x
Good morning. Firstly can I say you are a very talented crocheter gorgeous vibrant colours and such an intricate pattern.
I think unless you could get a lift to the weekend camp you are making a very wise decision as a four and a half hour drive would be far too much for you the way you are feeling at the moment. It must be really disappointing for you after all the years of attending. I know when i couldn't go with all my friends when they had a three day jaunt to London I felt terrible as they wre going to do all the things i would have enjoyed, a show and Covent garden and a good meal. I know I dragged myself off to my couisin's wedding last year as I wanted to see my couisin's who I rarely see at a happy occasion and to be quite honest it was a disaster from the hotel being naff, to a freezing cold day and me just being in too much pain to enjoy it. The only thing I proved to myself was that when I am like that it is better not to go rather than force myself i really don;t know how I got through the three days.
I am wondering whether your husband is very disappointed for you and his way of showing it could be to get all huffy as sometimes men aren't very good at expressing themselves. He also might be a little bit frightened as if you have always gone he might see this as a deterioration in your condition and with your other symptoms. Does he rely on you to do the driving when you are out as that could be something else that is worrying him. If this not moving your legs is something new I would actually take his advice and book an appt to see the doctor.
it sounds to me that you cope really well with the housework and cooking as you are so unwell. I am sick of TV dinners the moment as this is all I can manage most days now.Try to take a little time out to massage your legs and try and get a bit more movement into them, have you been offered physio by the doctor just wondering whether that would help you at all as sometimes lack of movement starts to make our muscles get weak.
I can absolutely understand that you are very hurt especially as you have been so good with putting up with his fatigue issues over the years. Sometimes if the other person isn't well themselves they can become overwhelmed with things worrying about their own health and yours and their remarks come out all wrong. Soft hugs going your way.xxx
I am having the opposite problem with my hubby. Last week i had a nasty cough and an Ibs flair that knocked me flat for a few days. I thought it was great that he took over and let me rest.... until he stated that we were wasting our time looking at light weight campers and easy pitch blow up tents because we wont cope if i am ill.
Grrrrrrrrrr cant win, i could have done a lot more and would have done if needed. I could pack away on my own, i would be in a lot of pain and going dizzy but could recover when back home.
Bother him i think that we will go for the tent. The campers a bit small for me hubby dog and wheelchair.
You are not wrong. His condition is not your condition, only YOU know your capabilities. If 4 hours driving affects you then it affects you. I can only drive for 2 hours tops. Then you get to the camp and have to go through all that ging gang goolying. You are right to NOT go. Snuggle in bed for an hour extra! Don't let anyone tell you to push yourself, if you do you are the one who pays for it.
Sometimes others panic when they see people that they care for struggling.
Some comments are made more in the fashion of their own denial than lack of compassionate understanding. Not always but sometimes. I know because with hindsight I have been guilty of this.
my guess is you are both doing the best you can.
Keep on crocheting. That man is a thing of beauty.
I am so very sorry to read that you will not be attending this event this year, and I sincerely hope that you will not be too upset with your decision. I do love the crochet in your picture.
I want to genuinely and sincerely wish you all the best of luck.
All my hopes and dreams for you
Ken x
I don't agree with everything your hubby has expressed, but I do agree with him that you should go back to your doc and make more of a fuss about how your legs feel, that they don't feel they are your own, that they won't hold you. There could be something they are missing, especially if the doc just blames it on the fibro and brushes things off.
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Hi, here to share my recovery - and how you can help yourself. 
How to pace yourself when you work full time?
Nobody understand 😩😩😩
Unsympathetic husband...
Doctors/specialist- DLA
