Hello lovely people, I really feel bad posting this as it's so negative and I know most people doing IVF want positive and encouraging stories.
My embryo, which looked like a squatted fly after defrosting, managed to stick around but only for a little bit. On day 5w2d I noticed some slight yellow coloured discharge which was how my previous- also early- MC started. I did another test and it looked slightly faded. To be honest, as soon as I got the positive test I felt doomed. I felt so anxious: couldn't sleep and couldn't eat. The MC didn't come as a surprise but nothing had prepared me for the complete and utter devastation for my partner.
As my clinic is useless I decided to keep testing until my tests were blanc but with faint positives two days later I called for advice. As I wasn't unwell I couldn't be referred to EPU (not that I wanted to go there) but I was welcome to travel an hour to their other clinic to pay lots for HCG tests. Being broke and broken I decided I would keep just testing my urine until it was clear. But when I spoke to my GP in relation to a different issue (turned out an UTI) she decided to test my blood for me.
I got the result today and on 5w4d my level was 33.1. I called the clinic with the expectation that they would advise me to stop my medication but I still have to wait for my second test. I will only get the result for this one next week Monday. I feel so awful but I just want to get it over and done with now. Apart from the kind GP (kindness is very rare in my surgery) nobody has taken into account my mental health and how this situation is just soul destroying.
Does anyone know why they are asking me to carry on? Did anyone else have really slowly fading tests? Did anyone just go against the advice and just stop on their own accord?
Thank you for reading ♥️ Just to say- I have some really weird fertility issues, low AMH and my age is not in my favour. Spotting is usually completely fine in early pregnancy. Looking back I really really wish that I hadn't panicked as much as I did. Xxx
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IvfStruggler
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I am so sorry to read you are going through this. I totally understand and I think I would want to stop my meds too.
I had a weird pregnancy where I never got to 3+ weeks on clearblue, and whilst my tests were fading I was still getting lines. I ended up in EPU where they did a scan and no sac was visible (at about 6 weeks) so they did an HCG and it was 47. They repeated that 2 days later and it was 15. I think yours should drop pretty quickly now and I think you can expect to bleed soon.
I don't understand why you have to wait until Monday for your test, I think thats appalling.. being a repeat MC-er and also with age challenges (I am 43) I think its absolute cruelty to put you through this. I guess your clinic are hoping its a late implanter and so have to dot the i's and cross the t's just in case? But I would say thats just about impossible at this stage especially as tests are fading.
I can't give you medical advice as I am not a professional but I knew deep down that something was wrong and i stopped my meds the day I got the HCG reading of 47.. I knew it was all over despite what everyone said. I am not encouraging you to do the same but I just needed it to finish, bleed and let me start planning again (probably should have been grieving but just keep on keeping on).
I do think care around MC is still so hit and miss. My doctor called me up about 4 weeks later to 'find out what had happened' and when I told them I had lost the baby she said 'well at least I know now, great thanks for your time I will update your notes' and hung up!
Thank you so much for your reply ♥️ My clinic is crazy if they think this can still be something viable. They are just so ridged in sticking to protocol. That I have to wait till Monday is because the GP is dealing with my blood, she's not working tomorrow and the clinic is closed during the weekend. I may try to get the results tomorrow but I would actually really like it if the same GP would call me back. The last time I started bleeding after a transfer the GP (different one) could have not been more unhelpful. This GP really listened to my problems. With my clinic being absolutely pointless I need some help from a different source. My mental health has hit rock bottom and at the moment I cannot face more treatment. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Ivf can be so heartbreaking 💔Take care xxx
It’s heartbreaking reading your post, I’m so sorry.
The clinics do insist on taking meds until it goes down to less than 5, which can take a few days. The clinic just follow the protocol, I find that they don’t really make any adjustments for the individual situation.
I’ll be honest with you: when I had one of my chemicals, I did stop the meds despite the clinic’s advice. My hcg was like 20 or something and I knew it wasn’t viable. So I stopped and started bleeding within 4 days. I just couldn’t carry on with the torture when I knew there was no chance of it being a viable pregnancy.
I’m glad that at least your GP has been helpful and kind, it makes a huge difference.
Please be kind to yourself, I know it’s hit you hard and your partner too. I found that taking a few months off afterwards has helped and doing a weekend away or something like that is good to get over this crappy experience.
Thank you so much for your message. Down to 5- that's so low... I've been having spotting on and off since Monday. I've been having a difficult time with my clinic about progesterone issues. I tested my blood myself and it was low so I had to argue with them to ultimately let me have some extra cyclogest pessaries. When I called the clinic with my BFP the nurse felt the need to tell me that my previous low level was totally fine and that I shouldn't have taken more and I could stop the pessaries. Of course I didn't stop then but seeing the situation we're in now I skipped the last one and the bleeding has already become worse. It makes me wonder if my levels were still quite low and this is the reason for the MC in the first place.
I got a message from my GP that they want me to provide another urine sample and I feel really weirdly 'glad' that they have. It's as if finally someone cares and is taking my issues seriously. Fingers crossed that I find some answers.
I will have to step away from IVF for now. I have no more money, I really don't want to stay with my current clinic and we are planning to move house. It's going to be so difficult because for the last 3 years I have been trying to get the process moving along and get to the next round/transfer as fast as possible. Ivf has completely ruled every minute of my life. I think I really need to try to be me again and be ok.
Thank you once again for your message- your comments are always so kind ♥️ Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I hope that at the moment you are good xxx
I totally know what you mean around your whole life revolving around transfers. Maybe it is indeed time to take a break, focus on other things like moving house and enjoying the Xmas season and then seeing how you feel in the new year? You will process what just happened and then come up with a new plan. I think it’s always good to get a second opinion so when you’re ready, you could book a consult with another doctor just to see what their opinion is. I would also ask for your current clinic to provide you a copy of your records. This is something that takes about a month so it’s good to maybe ask for it soon so you have it when you’re ready to go and hear another doctor’s opinion.
I know that right now it’s all crappy and negative but trust me, seasons always change and you will see the sun again and feel good again. Look at how many valuable lessons you have already - you know that progesterone could be an issue, you know your embies are fighters!
Feel free to message me whenever, I’m here for you xxx
This is such a sweet message ♥️ Thank you so much! You are absolutely right.
My GP called me at 19.30 to tell me my HCG is now 13.6. She was so kind and helpful that I nearly cried just because I was so grateful. She wanted to make sure I didn't have to wait the weekend. To keep taking the medication when I knew there was no point was just torturous. It makes me think about how cold the nurses have been at my clinic in comparison.
My partner also started listing things we learned for next time. He's had such a hard time accepting what was happening so it's good to see him thinking beyond this misery. I'm heartbroken but ok at the same time 💔
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Is it me or the clinic?
try to be unbiased and tell me why
3 ICSIS no luck one early MC
Can anyone tell me how far along I am?
Someone tell me I'm being crazy
