Single mom looking for support

[alicemiller]

Hello everybody. My name is Alice.

I am 31 years old and I have decided to be a single mom.

It was not an easy decision. And less was it to tell my family. They do not support my decision. They think I'm desperate for a child. And that will not give the necessary stability to that future baby.

All this has been very complicated for me. Since I feel alone and without any support. I have read some forum post, and I encourage a little to write my situation.

I do not know if any of you have experienced something like this. But it has been very difficult.

I still do not tell you that I will use a sperm donor, because I know the fuss will be much worse.

I just want to have the support of someone. I feel very safe with my decision, but I would like to share with everyone the whole experience. I do not know if anyone can understand what I say.

[PB265]

Follow your heart, your family love you, and when they see it was the right thing for you, they will come around x

[alicemiller in reply to PB265]

Hi. Thank you very much for your support. And for such beautiful words. I hope you can understand me and accept my decision. I do not want my baby to suffer the consequences of my actions, because it will not be the fault of that. And I do not know if my family can understand that.

I just want to have my own family, regardless of whether I have a man by my side or not.

[Hidden]

Sometimes, women become mothers by mistake. Sometimes couples have children and then split. And still all of them might be great parents and their children happy children. If you are succesful you will become a mum wanting to and with the clear decision of being a mother. Will It be difficult and will you need support? Yes, I think so. Will It be a mistake? If you are aware of what It means, I don't think It will be a mistake, it's just a brave decision. Best luck xx

[alicemiller in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much for your words.

I feel it is one of the best decisions I have made. I always wanted to have my own family, with several children. But time passed and I have not been able to do it.

I know I can give a stable home and all the love that future baby needs. But I also want to feel the love of the whole family that surround that baby.

Therefore, this reaction of my family terrifies me because I do not want them to reject my baby.

[Lucyloo81]

Hi there, I think this is amazing news. My best friend has also made this decision if in a couple of years she is still single. Both men and women in this day and age can become a single parent through no fault of their own. So why is your decision any different? Well apart from the fact your child will have a stable parent from the start.Your parents will come around when everything starts become real and their grandchild is in their arms.

Good luck we are all here for you xx

[alicemiller in reply to Lucyloo81]

Thank you very much for your words. My parents are very traditional. And all my brothers have already married, except me.

They start from the idea that a family must have a mother and a father. And it has been somewhat difficult to accept that your daughter does not want to follow that pattern.

I see it that way. And the only thing I asked for was their support. I hope you think and think things through.

How was your friend with the whole process?

[Jaky76]

Hi Alice, welcome and so sorry you having to do this without family support.. How far along the process are you? Just thinking in time they may change there minds. I'm doing this as a solo with sperm Donor, but my family and friends behind me so thinking how hard for you this must be. I started my ivf journey when I was 37, I'm 40 now and after 4 rounds of ivf with my own eggs in UK and losing twins and a singleton I went for round 5 in Athens using Donor eggs as my eggs were too poor.. And I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant with a boy. Yes at times I wish I had a partner and the thought of being a single mum scares me, but not often.. And I know so many people in unhappy relationships, or partners left that I think it maybe a blessing to raise a child without a father... Anyway our roads have bought us here for some reason... So I'd be happy to chat and see if I can help you in anyway. Have you fertility issues or just need Donor? I have had my left tube out, endometriosis and cysts so I knew my journey would be more complex... Look forward to hearing from you. Best wishes Jackie x

[alicemiller in reply to Jaky76]

Hi, thanks for your words. I am so sorry for the loss you had, but it is so good that you have achieved your pregnancy.

For now, I have done all the tests, and I have no problems with my fertility. So I'm just looking for my ideal donor: D.

There have been many steps to follow. But little by little I have been achieving them. So far I have not had any problems until now.

Did you use a sperm donor?

[Jaky76 in reply to alicemiller]

Hi yes I used a sperm Donor from Greece, the clinic I am with were great helping me choose. Good to hear that you have had it OK until now.. And pleased no fertility issues so fingers crossed all runs smoothly.. Which country have you chosen? Xx

[alicemiller in reply to Jaky76]

I have not yet chosen the country of my donor. For now I am only focused on the characteristics that it has. Nationality does not really matter to me. For me it is very important that the donor is a healthy person. I want to avoid as much as possible in the future. It is normal for children to get sick from time to time. But it is a bit scary at the same time.

I look forward to meeting my ideal donor.

How long did it take to get your donor?

[Evie1]

It sounds to me that you have a lot of love to give, follow your heart. Wishing you lots of luck, and for you to be happy xx

[alicemiller in reply to Evie1]

Thank you very much for your words. I am following the desires of my heart to be a mother. I hope I can do it.

[Goodthingscome]

Hi Alice, sorry to read about your situation, like Jaky76, I have been through 3 rounds of IVF which failed and then split with my partner. I am hoping to start a new round on my own with SD early next year, but I do have the backing of my family and friends which is a great help. When are you looking to start your cycle? Are you having it done in the UK? Happy to chat things through with you and good luck x

[alicemiller in reply to Goodthingscome]

Hi. thanks for your support. I hope to find this month the sperm donor, and so start my cycle.

Finding the ideal donor has not been easy. It's the most complicated task I've ever had in my life. Since there are many details to keep in mind.

I am not doing my treatment in UK for personal reasons. For now I want to be a little away from my family and so I decided to do it in another country.

How were your beginnings with the treatment?

[Scarlett13]

I just met a 43 year old solo mum and her 10 month old son. She was determined to use her own eggs with a sperm donor, and after 2 and a half years of ivf and TWELVE goes, she finally got her baby boy and is very happy with her solo decision. Good luck to you. Some children are born into a family with two parents who are abusive and then end up in care - much better for a child to have one loving parent who was so strong in their determination to have a child that they chose to go through ivf xxxx

[alicemiller in reply to Scarlett13]

Thank you very much for your words.

I've always thought very much like what you say. Having two parents in a home is no guarantee of emotional stability.

Many people only marry or live together with a couple so as not to be judged by society.

It does not seem fair to make a child unhappy that it is not our fault for our mistakes. And make him live with them.

It's great to know that there are more people who share the same thinking.

It will be a pleasure to read you again.

[emiraven62]

Honestly, I do not know how you feel, in the part of being single mother. But I know how it feels to want to be a mother. My family has been very supportive of all this infertility, the only thing that is a pain in the ass is my husband's mother. Every time she sees me, she asks me if I'm already pregnant. I will not say that I hate her, but she's close to that.

I'm so sorry that your family does not support you. My older sister is a single mother and is the best mother in the world. She got pregnant in college, my family went crazy, but she has proven to be a wonderful mother. It's silly that your family says you can not give stability to a baby. Women can be independent, without having a husband or a boyfriend to one side.

If I were not married and wanted to have a baby, I would. It's not like you're a teenager. I'm sure you'll be a great mother.

Here you can find the support you need. You can talk to me, if you wish. I like to have new friends LOL.

[alicemiller in reply to emiraven62]

Thanks for your words. This has been very difficult for me.

I'm so happy for your sister and your baby. She has shown how strong and independent we are women. And we do not need a man next door to raise a son.

It must be horrible to have a mother-in-law like that. I should understand and help you, since after all she is a mother. Unfortunately some people do not understand, for the simple fact that they did not go through that.

Keep a positive mind about that. Keep up with your goal because I'm sure you'll get that baby you want.

Sorry if at first you find it difficult to read my post, since I am writing to the rhythm of my thoughts.

Thanks for offering your help. I need to talk about this with someone who is not close to my social circle, so that I can have a different opinion about everything I'm going through.

[Bluelady-sing]

Good for you for taking matters into your own hands!! I am not using a donor but I have known my boyfriend for four years. He has had a rough time in life, although willing to clean up his act. he says he won't live with us but he will come an see the baby and me every so often. I know he will love his baby, he joked that he thinks he is going to have a son. good luck xXx

[Willowmina]

Hi Alice!

I am pregnant and solo via sperm donor! 11 weeks and here to support youx

[Skittles11 in reply to Willowmina]

Hi I don't know if you're aware but this post is 6 years old x