It's blow after blow

[pinto8]

Today is not my day,just want to dissappear and forget everything....Why do we have to suffer so much trying to be happy

[Hopeful1982]

Hi Pinto8, I'm sorry that you're having a rubbish day. Some days are harder than others! Hopefully things won't feel so bleak tomorrow. Take care x

[pinto8 in reply to Hopeful1982]

Thank you Hopeful but a the moment I can't tink like that...I never felt a pain like this just want to scream

[Hopeful1982 in reply to pinto8]

I know. It can be excruciating at times and people who haven't been through this really don't understand just how awful it is. I read down your responses and it is incredibly frustrating that you are not receiving funding because your husband has children from a previous relationship. Infertility is the only medical condition I've ever heard of where you're denied treatment because another woman doesn't suffer from it (ie your husbands ex-partner!)

I think it might help to write a 'to do' list as you seem quite overwhelmed my it all. I would also suggest trying some counselling as this made a huge difference to how I was feeling.

Good luck with everything x

[pinto8 in reply to Hopeful1982]

The only thing that is more hard for me is being treated like he has kids so that's more that enough for me.I have a great relationship with the kids but at the end of the day they're not min, so how can they think that is considered mine??

For now I think I just need to focus on me,I will try to take some time off and visit my family and get prepared for the surgery and then I will think what the next steps will be

[Hopeful1982 in reply to pinto8]

Good luck x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Try and keep strong. You are slowly getting sorted, so let's hope you don't have to wait too long before the next stage. Diane

[pinto8 in reply to DianeArnold]

I think that there's no next step for me now...just found out that both of my tubes are blocked so because of that it will be almost impossible for me to get pregnant,so now I have the surgery already booked to try to unblock them .so in two months time two surgery's and d the most painful news was that in can't have the funding for ivf because my hubby has kids already...why can that be fair???why should I be penalised juat because my partner has kids already??

[Lidzz in reply to pinto8]

Hopefully the surgery will be successful.

[pinto8 in reply to Lidzz]

Even so it's really hard to get pregnant naturally when the tubes don't work properly

[Hidden]

Hugs x

[pinto8 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Lidzz]

Hey hon!!

Tell me about it.. Chin up, 2morro is another day. Keep strong

[pinto8 in reply to Lidzz]

Thank you Lidzz but today I can say that it's the worst day of my life...all my hopes just fell in the ground and don't really know what to think now

[Lidzz]

Tell me about it!!.. Honestly I went down this road yrs ago. The NHS sed I had too lose weight for ivf. which I lost soo much, I couldn't lose the 1/2stone, they didn't wanna help! Soo I paid for a scan and low n behold they found a cyst as big as a grapefruit. They removed it and then my husband had to go bak to Seychelles!! I lost the weight and I was gonna get my ivf for free. I turned 40, I couldn't do it... That was the end that woz 3yrs ago, I was soo depressed.

Now my Hubbz is bak, I still have pains. Went to gyne and now been told I may have endo,, I'm waiting for tests etc.. Soo u Neva know,, have faith I no it's soo hard!! Gotta be strong.

[pinto8 in reply to Lidzz]

I really tried but today I was told that both my tubes are blocked,had a lap a week ago and have a new surgery boked to try and unblock the tubes....and the worse of all been told that can not have the fund to ivf because hubby has already kids...so now just have to find the strength to go through another surgery and the ideia that I probably will never get pregnant

[Lidzz in reply to pinto8]

They may unblock your tubes...fingers xx.

I have a blocked tube and the other 1 is no use, they neva offered to unblock mine!at least they sed they will try and unblock yours.. That's some hope.

[pinto8 in reply to Lidzz]

Yes I know and I try to think that but it's hard when we read so many cases here about the problems with the tubes....And keep tinking where we will find £7000 for a cycle of ivf??

[Lidzz in reply to pinto8]

I know!!... Bless you, I've been told the same..

Anyways fingers xxed for op..

[pinto8 in reply to Lidzz]

It's so hard,how are they helping us??how can they say that they are helping when they have so many criterias do refuse the fund??Anyway I don't have strength to think about that now the main thing now it's the surgery

[Parentsofangels]

I'm with you on that! Why no one can ever answer, infertility is a vile infliction.

Here if you wanna chat xx

[pinto8 in reply to Parentsofangels]

Thanks parentsofangels, yes that's true, how can we be found guilty because something that not always they find a cause for it??The nhs are supposed to help us,since the beginning they know our story so why they let us suffer more to say a big no in the end??

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to pinto8]

Hi pinto8. Have you tried to appeal against the NHS refusing funding because your husband has children? If you go to our website infertilitynetworkuk.com and click on the 2nd tab along , NHS funding. Scroll right down to the bottom of the page till you come to some pink writing. One of these letters is a template letter of appeal for you to fill in and send to your CCG. If you don't know their address, there is a link to find it on the NHS funding page. See if your GP will back you up with a letter too. One way of paying for treatment is to do an egg sharing scheme. If you are under 35 you may get part or whole payment for IVF in exchange for half the eggs collected during treatment. Also, have you seen about some counselling? It would probably help you while you are feeling so negative about everything, just a thought. I realise that all this takes time, but you are in the system now and getting sorted. Diane

[pinto8 in reply to DianeArnold]

I haven't done nothing because I'm still trying to understand everything that happened, one day I'm in surgery for the first time and the next one I'm being told that need another one and my main thing can be impossible without have to expend lots and lots of money... I've been reading some posts and saw some saying about trying to appeal about the decision and I will be trying that at least I will be doing something m and about the egg sharing I heard about that but not sure how it all works,but I'm willing to try even if I have to pay half of the treatment

[Parentsofangels in reply to pinto8]

It's worth a shot! I hate to say it, but your going to probably have to be a bit tough with them to get the ball moving, not settle, I waited years, misdiagnosed, but kept fighting til I got the correct help. I have to say, the private clinic who took the nhs funding were simply amazing, far better than any treatment I'd received in any nhs hospital so it's certainly worth it even if like me you have to go back and pay xx

[pinto8 in reply to Parentsofangels]

I just don't know what to think now,it all seems unreal and it's not fair that they can just say that we can or can not go for treatment..It's my fault that in fall in love for someone who already as kids??what they want me to do now??Dump him??I can't do that and I know that now he blames himself cue he believes that it's is fault

[Parentsofangels in reply to pinto8]

Completely understand. Our fertility issues are OH has spermicidal antibodies (too many antibodies on each sperm means almost impossible to get pregnant and if I do my body rejects it thinking it's foreign matter. Explains why over the 16yrs we've been together (only first 6yrs on contraception when we were young) we've only ever got pregnant naturally 3 times and lost them all early. The stress caused me to comfort eat and I ended up with depression over it all too. So he feels guilty his sperm isn't right, I felt guilty we had to wait for treatment til I lost all the weight. I lost half my body weight, had the treatment and it worked, but 7wks ago today our baby was born too early. No reason, nothing wrong with me or my baby, all test results clear, just a rare horrible thing that happens. So after all that we still came home with empty. The reason I tell you all this is because I know how it feels to be at the depths of hell with no way out. But you're not alone in that feeling. I'm so glad you've found this site to sound off as you go along. Been actively trying for 9yrs and only now found this site. It can a lonely ride, so get support from here and counselling if you can. Swear to god, it should be offered so so much more because this crap can get to you!

I wish you the absolute best with your next steps whichever way you choose to go xx

[pinto8 in reply to Parentsofangels]

I can't say that I understand everything that you have been through because it's must be devastating having so many losses and keep having no reasons for that...All this journey is sad,and even having all the support that I have from my partner sometimes he just don't understand that I see myself like a failure because the most important thing that a woman should do I'm almost incapable of doing...For now I tink that I will be just tinking waiting for the next surgery and then I will see what will be the next steps

[Ttcblues]

I also have only a tiny chance of ever getting pregnant and holding onto it. I am trying to bring my mind round to adoption. I know it's not for everyone, but for me I want a family. That doesn't have to include a pregnancy. Is this something that might help you through this time. Something to consider perhaps?

I understand how down you feel, I feel it constantly too. It is such an unfair condition. Watching everyone around us have children so easily makes it unbelievably painful for us. I hope you can get some luck soon xx

[Parentsofangels in reply to Ttcblues]

We've considered this when we found out the diagnosis. My partner always said he wanted to try for biological children first, but when I started making enquiries I was told by our local authority that I had slim to no chance because we have "no childcare experience" and limited experience with children with specialist needs. When I looked into fostering I was told the same. Was very shocked by it considering the national campaign to get more adoptive parents, but it very much depends on where you live. Bit like the postcode lottery with Ivf funding

[pinto8 in reply to Parentsofangels]

I can't believe that, how can they say that.if you are trying adoption it's because you want and because you can have kids so how can they say do you need experience??When womens are pregnant do they attend courses to be parents? ?Omg how can they say those things? ?

[pinto8 in reply to Ttcblues]

I'm honest I never thought about that because I never thought that one day I was going to be in this position but now, yes I have been talking to hubby and he is more that happy to try if it came to that...

But it's hard when I see girls having kids just because "happened " and here I am struggling just to try to get pregnant and I can't and there's no help whatsoever just because of some rules

[Ttcblues]

That sounds insane. I have never heard of that before. Adoptive parents don't need any experience, they just need a spare bedroom and love to give and a stable homelife. You don't have to adopt from your local agency, you can pick anyone you like.

If it's something that interests you, I would suggest looking again, perhaps with a different agency. You do not have to adopt disabled children so you definitely don't need experience in that. I can't quite believe you have been told that, what an unhelpful response. If you want that route eventually I would recommend trying again, as that is a strange response xx

[Parentsofangels]

I was beyond shocked when I was told. Spoke to a friend who worked for social services, she said it's very much dependant on where you live, you can of course try other areas of the country however it's difficult strategicly and financially with your interviews, home visits etc. May well be something we have to reconsider or maybe even abroad with the way things are going, but again finances play a big part