With my Pilonidal Cyst surgery behind me, (Just realized how that sounds) I learned an important lesson on Caregivers. Since my diagnosis, I have been very concerned about how I will be dealing with my illness. I cannot tell you all the time I have lamented about how my life was forever changed by CLL. How am I going to get through this? I - I - I - I.
After my surgery, I have been (and still am) unable to do all the things I normally do. Yet, each day, my children get their breakfast, their lunch packed and get shuttled back and forth to school and to a wide range of activities without missing a beat. Dinner is made each night, laundry is done and my kids get to bed semi timely.
My wound care is done twice a day, I am lovingly nagged to eat enough to heal and when I get a chill, a blanket magically appears to cover me. Depending on my pain level, these niceties have been met with a range of emotions — a gruff Thanks, a series of complaints or very “colorful” language. Yet my Husband never once complains. Not once.
I see so many parallels between this and the CLL diagnosis. People always ask me how I am doing, how I am coping, or offer to do things to help me. I cannot honestly say that anyone has asked those questions or made those offers to my husband.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not think anyone does this, including myself, with any malice. I think we just try to make it easier on the patient. I think it is high time that we recognize the importance of caring for the caregiver.
As Thanksgiving in America fast approaches, I want to say how truly grateful I am for the caregivers. From this day forward, my husband is now elevated to the status of partner in illness, who happens to provide excellent care.
When you are listing everything that you are grateful for, I encourage you to put them at the top of the list. Maybe it isn’t your spouse, maybe it is your child or cousin or friend or neighbor.
Wishing you all a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving!
Forever Grateful,
Sandy
Written by
Sojomama13
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Very well said Sandy. I couldn't agree more. I often forget to tell my wife how much I appreciate all of the care that she gives me and gave me during treatment. I will definitely elevate her to the top of my list.
Awww Sandy, he will know you appreciate him but it definitely doesn't hurt to show it. Posting this is a wonderful testimony to the love your family have for you.
Sojomama, I had not read your post when I replied to Becky in regard to her caregiver husband in the crisis she experienced, so to read your sweet and timely note of thanksgiving for your husband and all caregivers, brought tears!
My situation has yet to call for a caregiver, so ruminating on the possibilities ahead brings me to the thoughts of the value of the carer when I read of the instances our members do have a great need for more assistance and aid.
Thank you for you most expressive and apt reminder of those who also serve individual members and the sacrifices they make as CLL can change the lives of all involved in a family.
My husband and I have been together for 26 years. All those years ago when I stood beside him and exchanged vows, we were filled with such joy, hope, optimism and of course — love. As life brought us through a rollercoaster of a ride with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, I began to see what it meant to go through life truly by someone’s side. After the diagnosis, I was with my husband long enough that I knew he would be beside me as we faced this disease with such uncertainty. What I didn’t expect was that this diagnosis would bring us closer, there are days that he is so there for me that I am unable to figure out where I end and he begins. After my surgery, I saw that I took that for granted and I needed to rectify that pronto.
Each day I get a little better. Our Thanksgiving will be very low key and that may be a very good thing. It is really something to see my children doing their best to pitch in and help. My son actually told me that he never realized how much I did, until I stopped doing it. That is a very good thing.
It certainly must be a sweet feeling to see your own children (and husband) respond to your needs in such a loving way.
As the years have gone by, our Thanksgivings have become more low key but not less enjoyable. Sometimes it is just a good time to reflect and enjoy the day without all the busyness.
What a nice post Sandy. I truly understand this with what I’ve been going through. I’ve told my wife that I owe her big time and then say there is no way I can repay her for everything she has done.
It sounds like you have a wonderful husband and family.
Thank you so much. I feel so blessed to have such a great guy. Many years ago when my Dad walked me down the aisle, he said no Dad ever will think the man his daughter marries is good enough for her, but boy he is darn near perfect. For everything that is going on in our lives, thankfully we have great partners. That is a lot to be Thankful for.
Sandy, you made me cry! I am the caregiver to my husband and often find myself saying, “We are starting treatment” or other “we” comments that only make sense because I am going through this with him, and yet not many people ask the caregiver how we are. Thank you for this post just before Thanksgiving!🙏
It was a real eye opener for me to see how a caregiver’s selfless and often thankless job goes so unnoticed. I just felt the need to honor not only my husband, but every single person who administers care to someone in need. I am so blessed that I have a Caregiver in my life, I can tell you that not everyone is so lucky. As part of my CLL journey, I have chosen to never let things go unsaid. This was something that I needed to say. God Bless you and your family.
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