Threats to life & limb.

[toofworc]

I have come to a number of times with the Parkinsons problems of my wife & you've all been very helpful. This morning her behaviour reached a new low. We have an 11 year old greyhound just recovering froma badly cut leg, that took £700 in vets bills. This morning my wife flew into one of her very frequent fits of rage, & smashed a large glass mixing bowl on the sink draining board spreading splinters & shards of glass all over the kitchen floor. I was just starting to prepare animals' breakfast. Now she cant go in there to have her breakfast or anyone to prepare it until its clear, likely to be years, there's so many minute fragments. Yesterday she was going to kill me. I am 82 , I had a heart attack 6 weeks ago, having had a triple heart bypass some years ago I've had a stent fitted this time. Any suggestions as to the limits one must endure. I'm afraid its no longer enough to say the Parkinson's talking. I had a Welfare lady in to asse ss us 2 weeks ago, " oh neither of you require care home" I prepare all meals, look after dog etc. My wife stays in bed all day, gets up in her nightie for her main meal. She puts on a show for all official visitors.

[sassy59]

That’s very worrying toofworc and you need to get everyone involved. Don’t take no for an answer.

A proper assessment needs to be done as it may now be more than Parkinson’s. People are good at putting on a show but trained assessors/mental health Doctors need to see past that. Get your GP, social workers and family if you can, involved as this cannot go on. Let them all know what day to day living is actually like and that you cannot go on like this.

Please let us know how things go.

Wishing you well. Xxxx

[Hidden]

You need to think really carefully now. If you become really ill or die, what will happen to your wife? She will have to go into a nursing home! There will be no-one to make sure she is OK or care for her. If she goes in now, you will be around (and hopefully in much better health) to keep an eye on her. When you visit her it can be a good time for you both as there will be a lot less stress. Do you have family - if so ask them to help you with this decision.

You need to think firstly of your health, you cracking up will help no-one, you, your wife or your pets.

As far as the glass goes, vacuum and vacuum the floor several times. Then go over it with a damp mop. That should, hopefully, make sure there are no glass splinters left.

You don't need to live like this - your life is as important as your wife's and you need to be able to enjoy some time for yourself.

[Bella395]

There is a link between Parkinson’s Disease and dementia. It sounds like your wife has developed the latter.

Assuming that the ‘welfare lady’ is a social worker I can only assume that she didn’t understand the situation correctly. You cannot be expected to care for your wife at your age and with your serious health problems.

If you feel that your wife needs residential care you need to:

1) Contact your GP and ask for a home visit. He or she can refer your wife to the memory clinic (or similar) so that she can be diagnosed. You should write down what her behaviour is like and how it is affecting you. If you stress that you can no longer deal with her, he or she will probably refer you to the social services department.

2) Contact social services yourself and tell them that you are unwell yourself and have need to withdraw care. They will then have to intervene because they have a duty of care. You will have to be less compliant and tell them that you cannot, and will not continue caring for your wife.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi toofworc and thank you for your post. This sounds like a very difficult situation for you and, as other members have said, a proper assessment needs to be done and your GP, social workers and family need to be involved. You are also unwell yourself and need time to rest and recover. You have received some very good advice from other members. I would just like to add that Parkinsons UK may also be able to offer some advice and support.

parkinsons.org.uk/

Helpline contact number 0808 800 0303

Monday to Friday 9am--7pm Saturdays 10am--2pm

You will need to enter your postcode to find support services in your area, such as local advisors. Local advisors are there to answer questions you have about caring for someone with parkinsons. Please continue to post on the forum for support and let us know how things go.

Take care and best wishes.

[Hellebelle]

I was so very concerned when I read your post. You have received some great advice that I totally agree with. If you become ill then who would be able to look after your wife? I think you need to explain to the GP just how this is effecting you and ask for an urgent referral to the memory service as they are trained to see past superficial presentation and should pick up that there are real problems.

Caring for someone is so tiring at any age and as you get older you get less resilient and more fragile, especially if you have your own health problems. If you do get to see a memory nurse or mental health professional, you can ask to have a private word so that you can be honest, which is not easy to do in front of your wife.

Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

[Hidden]

Hi toofworc,

I just wanted to add a word of support for your very precarious situation. Others have given very sound advice and I couldn't possibly add anything to that, but I do feel for you and I hope you'll be able to get some urgent help and support. No-one should be left to cope whilst in danger of their life. The only other thing I would say is that, if your wife becomes dangerously out of control, please dial 999 and ask for an ambulance or the police, either of which services will come and help you if you say that your wife is beyond control . It's unfortunate when it comes to that, but you are as fully entitled to be safe from spousal violence as anyone else, even though it is illness which is causing it.

Sending very best wishes, and hopes for a speedy resolution for you.

[Hidden]

When we had problems with my dad and violent outburst we was advised to try film out burst to show doctors social workers

In end police was involved AND that’s only time got help WE went to family GP and she phoned police as was familiar with dad’s history.

If police are involved do make sure police controllers GET person is ill and not normally like that NO one likes love one man handled

We was also advised to to lock 🔐 get rid of stuff that could be thrown and cause harm injury

That was best advise anyone ever give us

[katieoxo60]

Sorry you have so many stresses to deal with including health. You have a right to have an assessment done via your GP for your own needs as an elderly carer with health issues. Maybe the GP could ask for respite care for your wife as urgent till your case is assessed fully. Was an assessment not done when you had your operation recently before discharge home ? or are you like many presumed your family will do it. If it is Dementia anger then someone needs to help you make the home safer. Just a tip change glass objects where ever possible to plastic, I have dropsy due to arthritic hands so found that helps and they are lighter to pic up. There are groups in some areas to help & advise on dealing with angry aspects of ill patients but you do need to bring the whole issue to the attention of medics, and don't just tolerate this poor care help situation. I personally would complain but do understand why people don't especially with all the other things concerning their situation. My thoughts are with you and every best wish that you get help as soon as possible.