Can anyone help me with this

[Bacardi59]

I am concerned for my father. We had a family gathering the other day . I don't see my father that often, as I live some distance from him and the rest of my family who all live close by to my father. We all met at my daughters house. When he arrived he did not seem that pleased to see me dispite not seeing me for some considerable time. My partner and I sat opposite my father at the dinner table and unfortunately my father spent the duration of his stay just staring at us, not really engaging in any conversation, not engaging with his grandchildren either. My partner went out the room, and my father announced to the whole room, that the Christmas meal we had envied him to was dreadful, and he had never eaten anything like it before in his life!! The occasion was about five years ago, and he had never said anything about the meal before that time. Then later in the day my brother had some family photos on his computer of when we were all younger there was a picture of his children, and his response was basically that none of them were worth spitting on !! . I cannot account for this upsetting behaviour and wondered if anyone can throw light on it. Just as an aside he had. Not been drinking alcohol .

[sassy59]

Sorry to hear of your upsetting experience but your father needs to see his GP preferably with a family member who could explain things. He could have early signs of dementia but that needs a proper diagnosis.

Do let us know how you get on. Xxxx

[katieoxo60]

Would agree maybe your father needs medical assessment, however as people get older family gatherings can become more stressful. Even though family lives close does not mean the older person sees them, I used to speak on the phone every week to my mum from when I left home at fifteen. But we were still both very independent and lived a 160 miles apart.. I know family issues can often be upsetting, but maybe your father is ill and frightened to ask for help even from a doctor. You as a next of kin can voice your concerns through social services or your own Gp, but he can't be forced to accept help unless he is not able to make his own decisions. Trust you will be able to get this upsetting matter sorted as you are right to be concerned, sometimes too depression can have symptoms like dementia. Best wishes do let us know how things go as I for one would like to know how it goes for you.

[Hidden]

Hi Bacardi59,

That was disturbing and unsettling and I tend to agree that a likely suspect is some kind of early dementia symptom.

But do you, or the remainder of your family engage otherwise with your dad on a regular basis? I ask because, whether it's a fair judgment of you all on his part or not, he may just feel that he has been sidelined or neglected and he took his revenge on all of you whilst he had the advantage of having you altogether.

Probably the first step in finding out what's wrong is not to dash for the doctor, but for family members to take some extra time to engage with him, to see if he is harbouring any underlying resentments that are threatening your family unity.

Some people do bottle up the slightest things, and I think that can become more common as we age. It's not that any of you are necessarily being neglectful, but he may feel that you are.

If after extra probing, he remains in an odd frame of mind, then's the time to persuade him to have that medical check.