This is a story about taking risks; Sometimes when visiting a patient, you can push your luck and take a risk which doesn't come off. Other times one takes a risk, and it's the best thing you ever did at that moment! So this story is in two parts and features the same lady patient, an elderly lady who had a career as a concert pianist. Alas now, she is very confused and presents with classic dementia symptoms of confusion and disorientation. She was certainly abrasive and confused when I first met her about 6 weeks ago. I had been asked to approach her with a view to playing some classical piano music on my Bluetooth speaker. (I had mentioned this lady before but I need to refer back to it as a prelude to Part 2 which I will post tomorrow! )
So, this is what I had in mind when I approached the bay. I will call the lady Louise. She was sitting up in bed staring out straight in front of her with a glazed expression, calling out to the nurses in a loud voice “nurse, nurse” and “get me out of here” and “help”. This was interspersed with some swearing.
I didn’t go to her bedside but called across to Louise and asked if she’d like me to play Chopin. But she shouted out “No.” I was a little taken aback by such a short response but decided nonetheless, to give it a go anyway. I often choose to play Chopin’s Nocturne No. 2 in E flat major, to create a feeling of tranquillity in the bay. But yes, I was chancing my arm! And for some seconds it worked.
She listened quietly but then called out, “Is that my piano?” And here I jumped deeper into the hole by saying “Yes” thinking this might please her. But her interrogation continued. “Are you playing my piano”? I side-tracked that one and told her it was a recording. But the damage was done! She said something like I didn’t have permission and she became agitated. I faded the music out and began stepping backwards, tail between my legs and not daring to say anything more to her. I reported what had happened to a nurse in case the lady was to make a complaint. Perhaps I had taken too many liberties.
The following week, I avoided approaching her, even though I was in the same bay for several minutes. Once again, Louise was sitting bolt upright in bed, looking confused and disorientated and shouting out obscenities and calling for nurses. Of course, as volunteers we can cherry-pick which patients we speak with, but very often decisions are made for us. For example, the curtains might be drawn round the bed, the patient might be sleeping, or being attended to by doctors and nurses. Sometimes patients are just plain disinterested in engaging with anyone.
We can’t possibly see every patient when we go on our round.
Last week I addressed a lady who was eating her lunch. I called across to her and said “Hi Mary.” She said “Go away, I’m eating my lunch; I eat like a pig, like what you are!” I had to laugh but the 98-year-old lady opposite was really upset that I’d been spoken to like that and I spent time with her trying to downplay the comment!
Anyway, here ends Part 1 and I will follow this with Part 2 when I took another risk with Louise in the following week. This time with different results.
Written by
Greenthorn
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I remember you mentioning this lady before David because my late mother in law had vascular dementia/Alzheimer’s and the agitation and shouting made me think of her. Look forward to part 2 tomorrow. Xx❤️
I remember the first lady. I think you wrote about her in the past. Dementia as you know is so cruel. It must be pure agony stuck in a mind you no longer recognise to be your own. I was lucky with my mother in law. Her dementia did not turn her into someone else but she did lose all ability to speak. My father in law was a different experience. He became very combative and tried to hit people with his walking stick which he would never had done before.
I'm sure Mary was just having a bad day. It happens to the best of us. I have always admired what you do for those patients. Thank you David. xx 🌿
Thanks Cas. Part 2 takes a different turn and one you will enjoy. I took a risk and was rewarded. Yes, i had mentored her before but i felt i needed to show the contrast between two different approaches I had made. NB I have just watched a new adaption of Charles Dickens Great Expectations on BBC1 9pm each Sunday. A new six part series that can be seen on BBC iplayer. In my opinion it is brilliant and very scary. Olivia Colman stars as Miss Haversham. Trust me, she brings something else to the character! Please try and watch out for it! Its very dramatic.
Unfortunately BBC iPlayer is only available to those in the U.K. I can't watch it here but I have read an article about it. I think it must be excellent. 👍
Hi Cas.I remember visiting my Mum in hospital ,she had Alzeimers. There was a lady there who came over and hit my Mum around the legs with her stick. .
It upset me as my thoughts were when I wasnt there ,was this lady doing this to her and others in the room.
Its so sad when the vulnerable cannot protect themselves
Sorry to hear abou your Dad. Unfortunately they don't know what they are doing.
Its a terrible disease and hopefully they will find a cure or some medication to lessen the symptoms one day.
I am doing well thank you so much Sheila. I have been out today. I haven't much felt like going out but today I did. I am pleased to say it was a nice outing. I hope you are well too? xx ❤️
I struggle now and again Cas. Mostly with anxiety and panic attacks. Got all dressed up last friday to take a dress to be altered, put one foot outside and couldnt go any further. I froze and couldnt breathe.felt sorry for myself all weekend .. that wont do so pulled myself together and getting back on my Positive track.
Determined to go today . I think too much and cause my oxygen levels to drop . Scary but should be manageable
.I'm usually telling everyone to be Positive ,I should be taking a leaf out of my own book.
We have had such bad weather here in Wales throughout March. Wet and gale force winds.. not good for the lungs 😱
Think I've taken every medication I have this morning even been on nebuliser. Fingers crossed I'll make it to the car this time . 🤞🤞🤣🚘🚘
Lots of love to both you and Chom and your beautiful girls 💕⚘
I totally understand Sheila. I myself have given up on going out at the last minute because I just couldn't. But I think that is totally fine. There are times we must just listen to ourselves and take a break. The dress can wait. ❤️ Don't force yourself. I hope you feel a bit better today. Much love to you. xx 🌸
Thanks Cas. I managed to get to the Car yesterday, left the house without thinking about it first Gary dropped me off outside the shop so only a few steps to get inside. I wa a little shaken and my voice quivering but did what I had to
After a few minutes in the shop I was fine and even went into the bakery after.
Thanks for your kind words ,you are always an inspiration to everyone here.
That's so true Cas. When I'm out and about I walk really slow as theres no rush. Also at home I only do what needs to be done. Take care and lots of love .xx Sheila 👍💕⚘🙏
Sheila, my mother, in later life, used to say she had two gears, slow and stop. When i travel from A to B, i take as much time as i need, small steps, ultra slow, allowing passengers to race before onto buses or from railway platform to platform. But when i arrive at B (when B is the hospital i visit) i switch on automatic pilot and will dance to music in front of a patient lying in bed. I seem to be re-energised. 😂 There is a 'charge' between me and other people. I know the depressing cold and wet weather puts us in the glums. I am sure your sparkle will return in warmer weather and we look forward to hearing of your outings. David.
Thank you. I lost my Positivity for a while but fortunately getting back on track. Had a lot of depressing news lately of friends passing , but now thinking of the happier times.
Hopefully the sunshine will get me back out and about doing what I love, my shopping trips. Also stopping for a meal and meeting people.. I need to start living again.
Thank you. I seem to have taken a few steps back lately and lost my confidence. I think too much but sorting that out slowly. I must start to listen to my old self again. The weather doesnt help as not able to go out as much , this affects my mobility .
Roll on Summer as it's been a very wet and windy March and also very cold. Not good for my COPD.
It's been wet + windy march here too,with dry days in between.perhaps start to reread yr book that inspired u? Perhaps walk round tbe garden or house outside.A gd tip is to question yr thoughts & tell them to go, its not true.whn u challenge yr harmful for U thougut, they do go,in time.Hope yr soon able to go out Sheila.xxxx
I love your stories. They are full of unexpected joy. You have a talent for touching something deeply human in the patients and consequently also in your readers. Very special.
Hi Greenthorn. I'm very new to here and have only read your Part 1 as I just had some tech difficulties, but I was really impressed and humbled with your approach to people with dementia.
My mother-in-law has dementia and it has sort of crept up on us. I am now really concerned that I haven't studied the condition or talked to people about it. I live with her only son, but he himself has fibromyalgia and it is difficult to deal with that alone.
Hi Clare24, I'd like you to read Part 2 as i think you will really appreciate how one can adapt to certain situations. Perhaps when you have read Part 2 you'd like to make a comment. All i do is to give time to that person. I don't have ready answers. Yes we undergo training. We are trained to understand how dementia is exhibited in a patient. Very often confused, anxious, tearful, angry, not recognising where they are. Sometimes we need to use distraction techniques to ease their discomfort. I use music a lot to bring old memories back. A favourite song etc. I have some wonderful stories, some of which i have already posted on HU.
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