Because I’m feeling slightly guilty I’d like some opinions on a situation I found myself in yesterday . A week ago a family member messaged to say they were travelling up from the South to stay with their parents in the midlands for a few days and that they would then drive up to see us , they would book a nice hotel for one night as we have no spare room and then return home the following day . The message indicated that they would spend the afternoon with us and then go off for a meal at a local restaurant. I, therefore planned a nice afternoon tea , just sandwiches and cakes . At 1.00pm the following day they rang to say they had gone to the Lake District as the children had never been there before and they would see us later . I was fine with that , I would encourage anyone visiting the north to see the lakes as it’s a beautiful area especially at this time of year . When they finally arrived it was dark , much later than I expected them and I had decided to start on the evening meal , I switched off the pan and covered the prawns etc I’d be adding to the pasta later . We all sat and had a lovely catch up but when I mentioned the restaurant they were going to the mum said “ unless we get a takeaway? “ I blurted out “ oh I’ve started on our meal “ and the moment passed but I’ve been feeling guilty ever since 🤦🏻♀️ From my point of view I hadn’t enough ingredients to make a meal for all of us and I have no contact details for any takeaways as we don’t use them these days 🤷🏻♀️ but I’m wracked with guilt ( alternating with low level anger for being put in that position) as the people involved, I know would have whipped up a lovely meal at the drop of a hat ! They come from large families and think nothing of accommodating an extra family , I on the other hand need a weeks notice if changes are to be made to my routine . There were no Ill feelings , we all love each other dearly but am I possibly in line for “ worst hostess of the year award “ ????
Change of plans and etiquette 🤔 - Lung Conditions C...
Change of plans and etiquette 🤔
I'm with you Val, in the same situation I wouldn't have been able to rustle up a meal for everyone. No matter how much you think of them I do feel it was rather thoughtless of them to arrive so much later than you had expected. Let go of your guilt, it's unfounded in my opinion xx
No no no dear lady, you've done nothing wrong as you were expecting them earlier. I’m a real stickler for time keeping so would have been a bit miffed if guests were late. They could have let you know after all. Don’t worry about it and don’t feel guilty. You’re a great hostess I’m sure and your family know that.
Love and hugs 🤗💕xxxx
am a fanatic for G.M.T.,would sooner half an hour early than one minute late. For me, its all about respect respect 🙏. You are blameless. Regards, Ian.
put the guilt in a drawer and lock it away! These people not only dictated the agenda from the beginning they then changed it with no notice and then tried to change it again, arriving at a time when your energy quota for the day could have been exhausted, putting you under pressure to make food for them, making you postpone your own food and then suggesting the mess of a takeaway!!!
My goodness, how thoughtless and rude. Don't give it another thought.
They should feel guilty not you, but then they obviously don't have your sensitivity.
Absolutely bang on Littlepom. You should be Prime Minister AND a High Court Judge. I love the way you cut out all the fluff and go straight to the meat with a sharp carving knife.
Sounds like a serious case of over thinking to me. xx
Definitely Don , it’s something I do constantly 🤦🏻♀️ Xx
I’ve come to the place where I tell my kids and relatives see ya when you get here. Then we’ll figure out what we all want to do for dinner. I seriously began doing this after multiple times of them arriving late. I just go about my day as usual. If they arrive and I’m not home they get to wait for me. Sadly it’s because of their behavior I began doing this rather than getting upset.
You have no need to feel guilty , I'm sure they understood. The main thing is you got to see them. Have a lovely day and take care 😊 Bernadette and Jack 🐕 xxxxxxx 🌻🌻💖
i know the feeling !
not your fault and they could have been more thoughtful .and what ashame to spoil what was planned ..
Knowing that your hubby is not in the best of health and you run a house and look after your husband and your dogs, I find it grossly unfair that they expect a meal out of you , after you prepared a lovely tea which they didn't even consider important enough to be on time for. For me, we'd have to be extremely good friends for me to ever consider having them back again. But then, if they were very good friends, they'd know better than to be an imposition on your time and energy. But that's just me.
Put it from your mind. Hardly worthy of an ounce of your concern. xx 😊
I would have had one of my hissy fits if put in that position. No doubt, the next time they inveited themselves, would say I was out all day.
I do enjoy seeing them but the arrangements, I must admit , invariably become complicated 🤦🏻♀️😂
Don't worry. You did fine. They know you are not in a position to cook for a crowd without warning. Looking after your husband must be your priority. xxxx
I would view this oppositely! You planned a nice afternoon tea and they changed plans and arrived late. Am afraid I would be miffed at their poor manners!! Certainly I wouldn’t be worried that I should have dropped everything and cook a dinner for lots of people.
Put it out of your mind and just concentrate on the fact you had a nice time - once they arrived!!
dont feel guilty.xxx
Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to comment . I know it was quite a trivial worry in the big scheme of things but it was playing on my mind . Thanks for all the reassurance , I feel ok about it all now 😊 xxxxx
Dont feel guilty I would. have done the same. I like to be prepared and if the plans change then I get annoyed. I'm sure they understood but you could have checked google or your search engine for a nearby takeaway. If they are close family they will understand I'm sure . Dont stress yourself over it xSheila 💕⚘
I’m just catching up, agree you have no reason to feel guilty, they’re the ones who caused the issues, and hope they apologised to you. Jean x
forget about it I am sure they didn't feel put out ,I'm the same needing time to prepare for the extra people to feed and buy for
You should not have been put in that position. Had they stuck to their plan they could have enjoyed a lovely afternoon tea. I’m afraid their own bad manners caught them out🤷♀️
Don't worry, it was their fault they were later than expected. If they had wanted a meal here it would have been beans on toast!
I should’ve done that ! 😂
Rather than the worst hostess award,how about the worst guest award? No way would I be expecting a meal unless we had previously arranged it. The most I would have offered them would be a sandwich and only then if I had got something in. You are in no way to blame! You say that you all love each other, I'm sure that they don't blame you in any way . Give yourself a break!
Perhaps they assumed you would do what they would do in same circumstances. That's their problem not yours . Hope the guilt dissipates. It does not belong to you. 😉
I absolutely love Littlepom's reply and have responded to her directly!
You really shouldnt feel guilty, this was down to them being late. A few years ago my Aunt and Uncle sent me a text to say they would be visiting at lunchtime, I put on a little spread and spent a fortune at M & S , when they arrived later than lunchtime I said there was lunch ready in the kitchen only to be told "Oh its ok we had lunch on the way" dont think they felt guilty at all x
Strange isn’t it reading your post my immediate reaction was that’s so inconsiderate and yet although I really knew the same to be true in my own case I was looking for faults in myself 🙄 I hate to upset anyone ( I never knowingly do ) but maybe I need to toughen up a bit 😂
Dont think you need to toughen up you seem like a nice person, I tend to do the same and overthink things x
I'm also with you. My family know to give me notice, then I'm happy to cook. If they turn up unexpected tea, coffee and biscuits or cake if I've baked. No need to feel guilty
oh dear it’s so easy to feel guilty - I would be like you however they’re change of plans affected the day’s plans and they made the changes not you so don’t be guilty- throw it away xx
Like others, I too would be secretly angry but worried about hurting feelings. My wife’s copd is at a stage where everything has to be planned in advance, so she does not overdo things. People know her condition, but still seem surprised and mildly offended that we cannot just drop everything and go out.
More like, most inconsiderate guests of the year. I`m quite sure that in the past 10 people arrived at my mum`s house she would have been able to feed them, but when you are on your own the situation is simply not the same. Guests, even family, should have the curtesy to let you know when they are due to arrive and keep to it. People no longer have cupboards full of food, just in case guests arrive unannounced. So don`t worry, there are times when you have to put yourself first and as we get older, that includes meal times that suit you personally. Have a good day, yesterday is history. Chris.
Thank you Chris , I think you’ve hit the nail on the head , my mother could rustle up a lovely spread at a moments notice for any number of people and unfortunately I haven’t inherited that talent ☹️ but as you rightly said things have changed and my circumstances are quite different to that of my parents x
Circumstances change within all families. I have been priviliged of being in the most generous of families, always there to help each other. We recently went to UK for family get together. We took half a dozen bottles of wine, my nephew arrived with 2 huge pans, one with stew, and the other a steaming chilli. family friends all appeared with something. Result a fabulous day enjoyed by all. Times like that are to be cherished. We will be back in UK for wedding of 2 of the young ones. Take care, I`ll get some work done, Chris.
ouch tricky - but they gave you one scenario you planned for then put you in another . I’d just say you wished you’d either known in advance or had something already in the freezer but not used to instant meals for dinner these days . If they have any grace they’ll realize it was a bit of an imposition . But a great standby in that situation is a packet of spaghetti and jar of pesto sauce - kids generally love it , it’s cheap larder stuff . I sympathize !
you were fine, nowt to worry about 🐞
NO, you did nothing wrong. You made plans accordingly and they kind of messed up. I would have mentioned the fact when they arrived late, tactfully.
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