The last thing I thought that I'd be suffering from depression. I have COPD & not able to go out very often because of SOB. I lost my husband 3 months ago, he had been in a Nursing home for nearly 3 years which should have made it easier for me living on my own, but the guilt I feel him being there is like a cloud hanging over me. He needed 24hr care having a Stroke & because of me having COPD I was unable to look after him. My children live close by but I don't want to burden them with how depressed I am. If I had more breath to go out I think it would be easier to cope. I'm quite a loner so don't really need company. Just wish i could lift this feeling of hopelessness, just don't know where to turn. Does anyone else feel this way. I'm 77yrs old. Sorry for being so negative.
COPD, DEPRESSION & BEREAVEMENT - Lung Conditions C...
COPD, DEPRESSION & BEREAVEMENT
You’re not negative at all Jansy16 and it is completely understandable that you should feel depressed and somewhat guilty. You’re still grieving so don’t be so hard on yourself. You did the best you could for your husband but ill health forced you to make a difficult decision.
Please talk to your children and GP about how you feel. You’re not being a burden and family need to know.
Please stay in touch with us on this supportive forum. We’re here for you. Xxxx
Sassy is so right! A lot of us feel depressed from time to time over a lot less than you have had to deal with.
Like you, I feel I would be feeling a lot better if the SOB wasn't so significant and on the days it feels less bad, my picture seems rosier! However despite that fact, you have to allow yourself to grieve and get the support you do obviously need. Be kind to yourself and let your family know how you are feeling. Again like you, I'm a bit of a loner and for the most part am happy enough with my own company, but therein the danger lies - too much time to think and dwell! I always get to the point where I have a good blow-out, confess my feelings to my loved ones, have a good cry and feel better for it after - at least for a while! It does help! I will be thinking of you!
Dear Jansy, no need ever apologise here. It is so hard to look after a loved one when well. Please don’t beat yourself up about your dear husband. With the best will in the world it would have been impossible to take care of his nursing needs. I know from experience we concentrate on the things we feel we didn’t do or didn’t do right, especially at the end of life but we need to concentrate more on the things we did do for our loved ones. I bet when you think about it there were many. Lockdown must have been especially difficult for you. Since we, along with many here with very bad SOB, should make a pact to try and go a tiny bit further each day.
How do you think your children would feel if they knew you were holding your struggles from them? I know you would hate it if they didn’t confide in you.
Wising you well and know we are here for you.
Love cx
Sorry! My message to Sassy was meant for you and I know Sassy will laugh at me! Senior moment!
So so sorry for your loss Jansy its understandble you are feeling depressed. There are several stages with bereavement, something you can get help with when you are ready.
nhs.uk/mental-health/feelin...
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There are some more self help links posted in Anxiety and depression, which you may wish to look at and hopefully find something that you can use to help lift your mood.
healthunlocked.com/blf/post...
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BBC has tips as well: bbc.co.uk/programmes/articl...
bbc.co.uk/programmes/articl...
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and NHS of course (link as above as well): nhs.uk/mental-health/nhs-vo...
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I hope you will find something that helps
Look after yourself
Best wishes BK
You are going through a difficult time and it is no wonder you feel depressed. Do talk to your doctor, and if they offer you antidepressants and/or counselling do accept it. And above all tell your children, who love you, what you are going through. Wishing you all the best xx
No need to apologise. How you are feeling is perfectly understandable. Talk to your family if you feel able to but we are all here for you too. Sending you love and a hug xx
Thank you all for your kind messages, it really helps .
There no need to apologise and you’re not being negative, just telling it hoe it is. It’s really hard to lose someone you love. Sometimes talking to other family members about bereavement is hard too, because they’re sad too, and you might not feel able to add to their sorrow. I do hope you’ve got someone you can talk to though. You’ve got us too 🤗
Hi Jansy16, I also feel guilty about letting my mum go into a care home, but it would have been impossible for me to do all the personal care etc, with climbing the stairs many times a day. I have severe copd. She didn’t want to be in the home, and lasted ten months before she died. I still well up when I think of her. It’s only three months since you lost your husband, so it’s early days. The sadness will go, and be replaced by happy memories.
I hope my lung buddies have helped. i found counselling useful- talking to an objective person who would not be upset by anything you say. Best wishes, Alberta.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m on my own too. I lost my Husband seven years ago. I too don’t mind my own company. I can always pick up a phone if I feel the need to talk to anyone. Please don’t feel guilty about not being able to look after him yourself. You know in your heart you did the best you could. He had experts that are trained to look after people with strokes and other things.
Don't apologise, we are all here for you. I am also in my 70’s, live alone, and lost my husband 13 years ago. My husband was to have moved to the local hospice the following morning but did not make it, but they kindly offered me counselling although we had never met. It was the best thing ever. Like you I was grieving and hard on myself and it took a weekly visit for one year from my counsellor to restore some self esteem and confidence and one day I knew I was Ok and said a grateful thank you and goodbye to my counsellorI.would speak honestly about your feelings to your children, and then request from your GP, a referral for counselling, I really think it would be a positive way forward for you. I wish you good luck and happiness,
Bless you Jansy and big hugs, I'm sorry for the sad loss of your husband. I'm sure he knew you did what was best for you both, I'm sure he'd understand why he was in a home and I bet he also knew if you wasn't unwell yourself you'd have given him all that care so please try not to be so hard on yourself about this, remember he would have been given the exact care he would've needed whilst he was there 😊
I sadly lost my Mum 2 & a half years ago (cancer) my parents sadly just missed there 50th wedding anniversary, all that time with someone you're sure to miss them and I'm fairly sure your children would want you to tell them how you're feeling, I'm extremely protective of my Dad now and I worry about him being alone at 76, I know with him being from his generation he keeps a lot locked up, but I can see how much he misses my Mum. It breaks my heart but I try to keep him from not being too lonely with plenty of phone calls and visits (that had been difficult with covid).
Please speak to your children if you can and your GP, I'm having some grief counselling, after just 2 sessions I'm feeling better already, it's all done over the phone and a good way to get everything off your chest.
Sending lots of love 😘
Sorry for your loss. It’s okay to be depressed occasionally. Is it possible for you to receive oxygen so you could get outside a bit more or even get out in the garden. You made the right decision for your husband so don’t beat yourself up. Stay strong 🐞
No wonder your feeling down ,your grieving on top of not being able to get around . Am sending a big hug 🤗🤗
Im So Sorry Tô Hear You Lost Your Husband No Wonder You Are Depressed And Feeling Guilty But U Did All U Could For Ur Husband No More Could U Have Given Because Of Your Health .. Please Speak To Your Daughters If U Can And Your Dr Your Not A Burden Tô Them They Need To Know How U Are Feeling Please Let Us Know How U Are Getting On .. My Inbox Is Always Open For U Tô Contact Me U Just Take Care Keep Safe 🖤🖤
Thank you for your kind words, I'll keep in touch. Thankyou.
Jansy i understand those guilt feelings,i looked after my wife who suffered a devestating stroke that left her speechless and semi paralised for almost 5 yrs 24/7 without assistance and it wrecked my own health in the process as i never had the chance to look after me.
Even to this day several years since she passed i still carry that guilt of wondering could i have done things better to improve her life,almost on a daily basis but i know in reality i couldn't but it never really leaves you.you just learn to distract yourself and remember happier times when you where both healthy and in love with each other and life.
I am sorry if my story doesn't comfort you but do please seek support from your children and family and friends if you have them as you now need to look after you.
Best wsihes Ski's and Scruffy cat, x
It's so hard when you're grieving, to get a true perspective of things. Just keep taking one step at a time, one day at a time, until your understanding improves. I'm sure you did the very best for your husband in the circumstances you found yourselves in. No-one could ask you to do more than your best. Big virtual ((((hugs)))).
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