Spiralling downward again

[jimmyr]

Left hosp last saturday..pnuemonia and given prednisone...last day and im picking that cough up again. The one which its stuck deep in my chest and i have to keep digging n digging to get it up over my larynx or throat n then expidite it.. becoming constant now..weather here in northeastern usa is changing to fall so cool mornings and chilly nights is making me uncertain that im not over this and worried bout it coming back cz no more prednsone... im in a lets wait n see mode...but always fearing the worst. The IVs that were in my arm are a deep black n blue..i developed this reddish lump like thing on my forearm that is acutely painful.. i havent a clue how or why its there..visibly immflamed red and its not hot but concerned none the less. Everyday some kind of new ark or bruise or broken vessel is being outlined on my body.. purple knees are really deep colored today czits chilly here in philly.. temp is 67° and rain is on the way. Im going to work and the thought of makeup is giving me ulcers.. im putting on my game face for work but im becoming insecure bout my appearance cz work is work..they love me and i dont want tbem to think im in any way sick. They dont understand and i dont want to xplain.. my dilemna and im in pain everyday...but i hide in my secret painful life and my threshold is high..so i keep on keeping on... with the motivation that i can work and i can do it cz im a survivor to thebitter end...hey my parents were killed when i was 3, my sister died on new years day of a massive heart attack she was 56. My only other sibling my brother died last summer of luekemia age 49. So i raised myself in a boarding school o be strong and this life wasnt going to hbe a cakewalk since the word jump..and i am right here with you world..its gonna take a lot of mountain moving to put me in the ground..good days yes..bad days es.. but day s where i give up...none..have a wonderful tuesday

[megannell]

" Oh!! Jimmy, (((HUGs)))) What a strong and resilient man you are Jimmy, you make life so worth fighting for, you have so much courage and your inner self shines through so brightly.. Jimmy!!! you not fighting it on your own. I am sure I can speak for so many other's on here, please continue to be strong, I will keep a candle burning for you my friend..... Megan.."

[jimmyr in reply to megannell]

Megan sweetie...its here in the cards i have layed out in front of me..im no tarot but look i can honestly say that when i drop in to see what condition my condition is in i am not speaking in tongues...if i was so much older then, then shouldnt i be younger than that now ? Think about it...if its what lies within us but not before or behind us then we have to call a spade a spade. Or if i cant be with the one i love honey i gotta love the one im with...some say potato i say patato or u kno u say tomato i say tamato.. pending on a given accent isnt it sugar n spice n everything nice ? Sure it is and it will be that way till that way till the stars fall from the sky or the kitchen sinks...get the big pic ? Not hard jus a lil pinch between the cheek n gums... im playing just being humorous and silly ...hope you are in good spirits cz u kno what they say bout crazy janey n the mission man...oh you dont...? Oh ok well they were just holding hands.. k gotta go to work..peace be with u and keep on smiling, the world will love ya jus the way u r ! A is for awesome n try n wear that heart on ur sleeve more often..thats it jus like unca jimny...ttyl

[sassy59]

I hope you continue to have the strength to carry on jimmy and you do certainly have courage. You may say you haven't but you have. Just to survive the loss of people you care about and love is so very hard and then to have life jab you with all you have to deal with too. You do have support and love from family and friends too. People on this site care about you and we all get through good days and bad together. I care for my hubby Pete who is not as bad as you or others but some days he seems to be really down and unwell which worries me but I care for him none the less. The USA is different to the UK but we are all human beings here to help each other. I do wish you well. Take care xxxx

[hufferpuffer]

Awwww Jimmy! you look ...like you're in the wrong bed! I have a phobia about hospitals I'm afraid! I don't mind visiting but I'll not be stopping! Best way of keeping yourself from spiralling downwards is to get in touch with your doctor and tell him how you feel, you might need another weeks supply of A.B.'s and the steroids a bit longer....then wean yourself off them or you'll come down with a bump! Please try to focus on being well now. You've had a bumpy ride...it will take time to get back up, say...every day in every way I'm getting better and better!....

I lost both of my brothers in horrible tragic ways, but I don't see death as an ending because I think we are all eternal Beings. If you dwell in the past and worry about the future you're not living in the now, that's what we all must do! I hope you feel better soon, huff xxxxxx

[kimmy59]

Evening.

Sorry to hear your still feeling rubbish, not been great myself last couple of days. Do they have Azithromycin over there or an alternative, it's an antibiotic I take one 500mg tablet three times a week a maintenance dose I take because I've had pneumonia twice and constant infections.

Kim xxxx

[helingmic]

DEar, Jimmy. I wouldn't wait and see for too long. I feel if you do this, your condition will worsen. Get to the doctor as soon as you can to have your condition revised. You can show your face at work, but what will happen if you do get down again. don't wait for it to happen. Seek advice and say what really happens to you, like you said it in this forum. You must look after yourself to get better. Hope you can keep warm enough in your house. Don't take chances.