Am I Paranoid?

[ellabella]

I have suffered anxiety and panic for 34 years now, trying to hide it mostly so as to be accepted by others. Over the last year I have really felt that every step I take in a positive direction is begrudged by my elderly Mother. I have asked her if this is the case, and she says no, I am imagining it. I go to hell and back on a daily basis.x

[Hidden]

HI hun, i do hope anything i say here helps in some way. I would say your not paranoid but angry at the way your life appears to be going. I get very angry too and feel that people do not care or understand or many other things but honestly in my experience it is our self that has the problem. We do imagine things but this only comes because we feel so low within. You have to say to yourself oh what the heck i have this condition its not going to change over night so i have to deal with it best i can and if i have to talk about it to make someone understand then i will do. I deal with it best i can daily and i let it get to me sometimes but its far better to be open and honest with yourself first. Sod the world. I can bet you there are more people out there worrying about their own problems as appose to what we think or feel. This is how i get through each day.

To me it does not matter now what anyone says to me, i have learnt that people often say things because they do not understand it themselves or they are afraid too admit they have it too.

Hope some of what i have said has been helpful but i do think your paranoid just angry at yourself for being like this. x

[ellabella]

Thank you Deborah, I do get angry at myself. What you have said makes a lot of sense. It's a hell of a fight isn't it? struggling with yourself lol. I have to laugh sometimes at the arguments I have with me x

[hedgecrone]

Deborah, your answer said it all! And ellabella, I can understand how you feel. When we have anxiety and depression it's so easy to feel that others are criticising. I find I take criticism hard and imagine it when it's not intended, sometimes with disastrous results. You also ruminate more and look inwardly, always questioning your own motives and feelings, and that leads to doing the same with others, I think. I agree with Deborah - best way forward is to be honest and open about yourself BUT I struggle with this a lot and feel I live constantly behind a mask, that if anyone knew what I am really like they will run a mile and despise me. So there are some people I trust with my real feelings, but not many! I wish I could deal with life better than I do, and as well as many other people appear to do, but some of us are blessed - or cursed! - with a supersensitive nature and feel easily hurt. This can lead to us not feeling able to make the best possible choices for ourselves and being less than honest about how we feel. It's a difficult balance, but I would maybe consider talking to your mother again about how you feel and if she says things which hurt you, perhaps find ways of asking her what she means, without appearing accusing or judgmental. It could be that she is simply rather clumsy in how she puts things which comes across as critical. I speak from experience here, and it took my husband to point it out to me - and to continue to do so!

[ellabella]

Thank you Hedgecrone, we sound very similar! but me not having a husband anymore and living alone my Mother says she worry's about me. She has always been a bit controlling, but recently she wants to know the ins and outs of everything I do. I know she rely's on me for a lot of reasons but she doesn't speak to me for days if I have been somewhere without her. As I am struggling with leaving the house alone, the thought of answering to her as well is hard. When I have been out successfully my daughters are proud of me but Mum.....ignores the event and is quiet for days. This does my head in! I think I am just going to do what I can and sod what she feels about it. She is not housebound and drives herself about wherever she likes. How ridiculous this sounds when I read it back!! I think I need to " man up". Thank you for being there x

[Hidden]

Yes hun you do have to shout at yourself many times over and over again and tell yourself to stop doing this or that, anything that is making you feel worse lol It is very hard hun and you know no matter what people say to us we always find a way somehow through it. We have to remember that everyday when we wake its another day that we will get through, and if we are still here then that is the start of everything. At least we can hold our heads up high and say well im still here and still fighting so i must be doing something right...

There is a lot on what hedgecrone has said to and im sure at some point in our life we do feel people being judgemental about how we are but that is because we are not honest enough with ourselves about it and if we cannot be honest with ourselves and accept that there is a problem how can anyone else be supportive. If someone chooses to ignore your efforts and you feel bound by criticism then it is they who have the problem and not us. We know what is wrong with us, we know it is something that does not just go away over night and if someone cannot accept that then perhaps need educating about it. I do hope all information and support helps everyone on here. We are all suffering the same and agree with each other on the majority of things but we are individuals and will always do what we feel is best. Good luck all x

[ellabella]

Thank you , Thank you , Thank you, I feel as if I have found a home! With like minded people , good people who will not judge ,but say it like it is. This forum showed up in the ads on my facebook page and I am so very glad it did!! I feel as if I am on the road to Damascus lol xxxxxxxx

[Hidden]

You will get there hun. I added this page to my facebook so that anyone who seen it could take a look. There are more and more people these days facing up to this horrifying problem and its a good thing not a bad thing because my guess is there are thousands even millions live in fear of it and not speaking up so i do hope it makes awareness to those who are scared to admit they have it. Good luck and best wishes. Debs