Dealing with overwhelming feelings daily

[papillonparty]

Hello everyone, I am essentially here to vent and hopefully get some advice on dealing with feeling overwhelmed on a daily basis. I feel as though I'm stuck in a terrible cycle, every day I beat myself up for not doing enough. I seriously get to the point where all I can do is lay motionless and think a million miles a minute about what I can (or should) be doing better. I feel as though I'm a failure, the place that I live is awful and I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future, I struggle to do better for my 3 pets and constantly think I'm failing them. I do my best to keep up with vet care and feeding them the best I can but still end every day feeling enormous guilt that their lives are bad. I work in Healthcare and I absolutely find joy and love in my job. It's the only thing I feel like I have under control, I'm an excellent caregiver and although it's tasking physically and mentally I can always count on work to help me feel stable. I pay all my bills and have my own car, but money is tight outside of the absolute necessity. But I'm terrible with money as well, or at least I tell myself daily I am even though I try my best to stick with cheap stuff. I feel as though I'm stuck in a big pit and every so often I'll climb my way to the top and take a big breath of fresh air, I enjoy the sunshine on my skin and those rare days feel so light and happy. But then a storm rolls in and I tuck my tail and return to the the bottom of the pit all while blaming myself for what I could have done better. I'm overwhelmed every day of my life anymore and it's been this way for a long time. I keep a brave face because there's so many people who depend on me to be strong and the voice of reason, little do they know the true depth of anxiety I'm dealing with just below the surface

[Kevo1]

I feel for you. You do a very rewarding and appreciated job. You should give yourself a pat on the back. I totally get how you are feeling as I've been same all my life. I've pretty much accepted it as at 59 it's probably bit late, but who knows. Your very young still and can turn it around. I wish I could wave magic wand as you probably do, but it's not there. It just seems to be a a place where there is no escape doesn't it. I know I'm not giving you much help here, just your not alone and I really hope you turn the corner. Try focus on the good work you do. Wishing you the best for future

[BeKind28-]

Hello

It can be good to have a vent and I hope writing down how you feel has helped

When we feel down we can only ever see the negatives and I read what you thought about yourself been a failure but all I could see was a young lady that was doing a fantastic job in what so many at the moment with the cost of living are struggling with and some are going under yet you are managing to stay afloat even if it is a struggle you are doing it !

You put your pets at the top of your list and again it maybe a struggle but you are caring for them and they are very lucky to have an owner like you

You have your own car , you are paying your bills and you have a job that shows what a lovely person you are by caring for others

This to me is not someone that is a failure but someone that is making a success of a world where it gets harder for most of us to survive and that is something you should be proud of but I know depression and anxiety will want to tell you otherwise that way it can stay in control but depression and anxiety tells lies to us to keep us down

You need to make a list of all the positives when you are feeling those moments of fresh air as there are so many about you and keep that list and when those negatives come back read your list of what a wonderful person you are and believe that as that is the truth

I hope that maybe if this continues you can ask and get all the support and help you need as you deserve it x

[Fallin77]

Hello papillonparty, It sounds to me like you are an amazing person and you are using all of your gifts to help other people. I admire you for taking such good care of your pets. There are so many people out there who are too selfish to even have a pet. I know what it's like to feel guilty all of the time like I'm not doing enough to help my family or all of the animals in the world that are suffering and it's hard to accept that for financial reasons as you have stated, we are unable to do more and give more to help others. I know it's hard to see things differently at your age but you are showing so much maturity please don't make yourself sick over this. You are doing the best you can and that is enough. When you get older you will realize you wasted so much time putting yourself down and not enjoying life and you will just look back with regret and it's just not worth it. You are alive! Enjoy your life!