How to deal with people that belittle you?

[Chocoholic_18_x]

I think I asked this question a while ago but I have had quite a few recent occasions of people being patronizing to me, and it just seems to be getting worse despite the fact the I’ve felt my confidence improving.

Firstly, I just turned 18 last week, and as I mentioned on here before, I’ve never had a boyfriend nor have I had sex… but just because I’m still a virgin and single, doesn’t mean I’m clueless when it comes to men and sex, I’m very well educated and know a lot about it. But not everyone seems to think so.

I was out for my 18th with my friend and my two step sisters (whom I’m not very close with), and they’re all very experienced with guys and sex, and all know that I haven’t yet had a real relationship. But anyways, we were choosing drinks to get from the bar, and we chose to get 4 orgasms. As my friend went to the bar to order, me and my two step sisters were just waiting at the table, and the two of them were laughing about how the drinks were called orgasms, and I decided to join in by laughing at their jokes about the drink, and one of them turned around to me and said “sweetie, do you know what an orgasm is?”, and I just sat there thinking… “ffs? Sis- do you hear yourself?” (Excuse my language, lol). Bare in mind, my two step sisters are only 2 and 3 years older than me, so it wasn’t like they were my mums age calling me sweetie. These were two girls that were a similar age to me, and it just rubs me the wrong way when people my own age call me “sweetie” or “honey”.

Anyways, before I could get my words out to answer her ridiculous question, the other step sister said “aw, it’s okay, we’ll educate you!”… I was so frustrated after that, also offended. It just made me feel like I was stupid and naive… which couldn’t be further from the truth, I’m just painfully shy and suffer with extreme social anxiety and low self-esteem. I just wish people understood that just because you haven’t yet experienced something, doesn’t mean you have no knowledge on it.

And another occasion, I was out with my friend walking in the park, and we were talking about the TV show, Love Island. I made this pretty sexual joke to my friend, and she just stood in shock and said, “Wow, I’m surprised that you know about that!”, talking to me as if I was a child and am just learning about sex and reproduction for the first time. It makes me so mad, honestly. Is it wrong that I hate being perceived as innocent by people?

Also that same day, we met up with a guy, and tbh my friend is pretty obsessed with sex, so they were talking about sex. And my friend jokingly said to me, “you’re into porn, right?”, and I immediately panicked, since I have extreme social anxiety and didn’t know whether to say yes or no. So I just awkwardly paused, and the guy said “to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t know what porn was”, in this moment I was so angry with being belittled by people, I just sharply replied, “I know what porn is, but thanks for your concern, mate.”

I’m honestly just sick and tired of being patronized and belittled by people, I just don’t know what the hell to do. I always get people talking to me like I’m a child, like I don’t know or understand anything, people always talk to me slowly and higher pitched like I won’t understand if they talk to me normally… but I just don’t know how to get rid of it, and it can be difficult to express myself fully because of my social anxiety. If anyone has any advice, that would be amazing!

Oh, and one more piece of advice… please treat everyone the same! It shouldn’t matter a persons personality, religion, gender, race, sexuality, ability/disability etc… please be nice to everyone, you don’t know what they have to deal with!

[Veteran250]

Dear Choco.

You have my utmost respect and admiration… congratulations for your recent 18th Birthday, and the fact that you are still a Virgin, you should be proud of yourself.

If people talk down to you, ignore them and turn your back on them, no matter who they are.

Don’t learn to run before you can walk, by that I mean by all means, when you start a relationship, get to know your partner first, start as friends, enjoy yourselves first, don’t feel you need to indulge in sex until you feel you want to, don’t be pressured by your partner.

True, you are young and physically inexperienced, but you have your whole life in front of you…. I truly hope you get to sort out your anxiety’s and live your life with much enjoyment

This is the suggestion of an old man aged 77, I wish you well for the future🙂

Don 🙂🌹🦋

[warbaby42]

My first question to myself would be - do you really need these people in your life ? Better to have one honest, kind and reliable friend than to have lots of friends who make you feel bad about yourself. I agree with Veteran 250, I find you totally refreshing in these days of so much peer pressure. I have just turned 79 years old and seen & experienced life. Why bring yourself down to your so called "friends" level when what you have is priceless. If push comes to a shove when being talked down to is to tell them to "go forth and multiply" - in other words f**k off !!