Separation Anxiety with specific people

[Lisa-beth]

I've struggled with (self-diagnosed but backed up by numerous therapists) anxiety for about 6 years (I'm 20 now). Around 2 years ago, I made one super close friend, which doesn't often happen, and while I know we had an intense relationship, she was the only thing that calmed down my panic attacks. She just took a break because she couldn't handle me, and it's been 2 months. We recently spoke and she said she's extending the break. I feel like I can't breathe, and this is for way too long already. I'm panicking all day, I'm seeing a therapist but it hasn't really "kicked-in" yet, and I just haven't been functioning at all. Distractions don't work, and I have things I really need to get done (like college-work) which hasn't been happening. Any tips on what I can do with myself to calm down my heart rate and stop obsessing over her?

[beinganon]

I’m 46 and I’ve lived with the damn thing for 30 years, so just maybe I can be of some help. First off, what has your therapist prescribed, if anything?

That apart, I think the first thing you need to do is to think of your anxiety and of her as two separate things. Do not let expectations about her come in the way of what you do to tackle your anxiety: Please realise your anxiety is an illness right now, and it’s your first priority. I don’t know how easy that’ll be, but—mixing up these two in your head will get you nowhere. Sorry for the all-caps, but: FOCUS ON YOUR ANXIETY, NOT HER.

About college stuff not getting done... I’ve been there and it was so bad, the memory haunts me after 20 years. The three solid things I can say about trying to get stuff done are:

(1) Tranquilizers like Kava and valerian—and even small doses of diphenhydramine (Benadryl, OTC)

(2) Acupressure: It doesn’t take any time to learn. It’s so easy you wouldn’t believe it, and so effective it’s hard to imagine that just pressing on some points on your body can help. Here’s a link: medicalnewstoday.com/articl...

(3) I’m sure the Internet (and people) will tell you about deep breathing, and I’m sure you’re just not in the frame of mind to “get into new things.” Just remember that a breathing pattern where you inhale, hold your breath, then exhale will do wonders for your heart rate. One pattern is: Breathe in to a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 7, then exhale for a count of 8. There are probably hundreds of variations on this, but just try it for five minutes. Change those numbers if you want to. The point is to inhale-hold-exhale rather than just inhale-exhale like we usually do.

Do tell me what your therapist recommended and I might be able to be more specific.

And yeah, remembering you’re not alone always helps

[Lisa-beth in reply to beinganon]

thank you! i'm not taking any meds for it - i'm considering it but not sure yetBut I really appreciate the reminder to separate her from my anxiety - it gets so linked in my head because they are natural consequences of each other (for example, not talking to her skyrockets my anxiety). It's an important point for me to remember to focus on this, not her.

And thanks for the acupressure! I've done deep breathing but never tried pressure points - hopefully i'll try it tonight and be able to sleep

😀