Social Awkwardness

[SociallyAwkward]

I suffer really badly from social awkwardness. I don’t get anxiety about meeting people, I find that easy. The anxiety about having conversations with people and holding conversations, I struggle to have eye contact and really worry about awkward silences and thinking they think I’m an awkward person.

This is particularly strange as my job is a Mortgage Broker and a particular successful one at that. 99% of the time in a working environment this anxiety is non existent and I cant put my finger on my it happens in social environments only.

I’ve always felt slightly socially awkward, but one main trigger was when I was speaking to a friends new partner whilst out drinking and she said to me “god you’re awkward aren’t you” and at the time I didn’t think anything of it and it was more in jest but it must have played on my mind to a point now where I avoid eye contact with people in case they think I’m staring and being weird.

I’ve never spoken to anyone about this and not sure what way to go to get help with it so any help would be appreciated

[EleanorRose]

I really feel for you because I worry about this sort of thing, too. I second guess myself and wonder what people are thinking ALL THE TIME. It does put me off doing certain things.

Had you ever thought you were socially awkward, so much as that it was a problem, before the comment that was made? It's such a shame that something that was probably just a throw away remark has had such a profound impact on you. Aside from anything else, she'd been drinking and people can say all sorts of stuff when they've been drinking that doesn't necessarily mean anything. But more than that, it's just one person's (unkind) opinion - what is 'awkward' anyway? What one person might consider awkward/uncomfortable would vary from someone else. No one is 'normal', no one is 'perfect' at socialising.

If you want to change, then maybe think about small things that would make you happier and more comfortable but try not to do things because of what someone else may or may not be thinking. For instance, maybe you'd like to spend more time doing a particular social activity that you currently avoid because of nerves.

Avoiding looking at people is the sort of thing other people might notice and probably does show others that you're feeling a bit nervous. That's not a bad thing but maybe is something people close to you are aware of even if you haven't spoken with anyone about it. Have you got a close friend/relative you could talk to about it? Someone who knows you and can reassure you that you're great as you are? I always find reassurance from friends helpful when I am worrying about this sort of thing.

Take care,

Eleanor Rose

[SociallyAwkward in reply to EleanorRose]

Yes that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling, like people are thinking ‘he’s awkward’ so I try not to be awkward and then it has the opposite effect.

It’s hard to describe because the anxiety itself isn’t the build up to the social event, I actually enjoy it but when I’m in the process of chatting it just comes on me. It’s strange and hard to put my finger on it but it’s becoming more overwhelming.

Yes I have close friends and family and I know this sounds stupid but I think they’d think I was mad because when I’m with them, everything I’m describing above is the opposite to how I act, unless I’m with someone we don’t know.

I know I definitely need to speak to them, I’m going to try self help initially and see how it goes.

Thank you so much for replying, I really appreciate it.

[Mrspjsmom]

I find it awkward to be in social situations sometimes. There are some people who just make me uncomfortable. What I do is let them talk and nod or affirm what they say. You said this doesn't bother you at work. Perhaps it's because you are successful and more confident at work. Maybe you can try using your work mindset in social situations. Wish I could be more helpful.

[FearIsALiar]

I know how you feel. I feel the same way! You’re not alone x

[SociallyAwkward]

Thank you very much for your response, I do appreciate it.

[designguy]

Hello Social, I can relate to comments about social awkwardness. I grew up very self-conscious, having red hair when it wasn't cool and being bullied and developed social anxiety disorder. I was high-functioning and managed to build a very successful business even with the anxiety. It took me a number of years and less than successful therapy sessions to realize what I was really dealing with and get the appropriate therapy.

I would encourage you to find a therapist who specializes in treating social anxiety or if that's not possible there are online programs. You will be much happier if you do.