oh my god. I just...oh my god. I am having like awkwardness shivers right now. Ever have those? When a situation was just so awkward that you physically react?
And I mean awkward is just the only word I can think of to describe what just happened to me.
So I was coming back from my class and I ride the bus, so I'm on the bus on my phone not paying attention. When I finally look up, I realize we're almost to my stop, so I get off my phone and get ready to get off. As I'm doing that I notice the guy in front of me is staring intensely at me. But I didn't think anything of it because maybe we just made eye contact you know? He probably wasn't staring at me. So I get off, no big deal, and as I'm walking to my car I notice that same guy walking in the same direction as me. It's a parking lot, so I tried not to think anything of it since he could have just been going to his car. But then he says "Excuse me!" and starts to walk closer. And I wasn't too shocked really because I thought he was going to ask me for directions or if we had a class together, something basic. But no. He says, "You're really beautiful. Can I have your number or something?" I mean when I tell you my mind shut down, IT SHUT DOWN. I couldn't think!! I had never been asked that before! I didn't know what to say! Definitely not yes because I didn't know this guy, but what do I say?? I'll tell you what I said. My voice actually shaking I just said, "Nah...no thanks." NAH NO THANKS!!! How big of a jerk am I?? I couldn't just be nice and try to spare his feelings by lying and saying I had a boyfriend or that I was gay (yes afterwards I thought this would've been a good response). And he was super polite and just said "Ok. Have a nice night!"
i want to just crawl into a hole and bury myself...
And I keep trying to stick up for myself by saying that I was scared of him or at least intimidated. I'm barely 5'3 and 110 lbs. and this guy was like six foot, so he frightened me. I was also completely alone, nobody else was around...I was scared. But was I really scared? I don't know!
He was definitely an intense sort of dude. He like announced to the crowd at the bus stop that the bus was coming. He was very energetic with his greeting to the bus driver. He passionately thanked the bus driver, all "Thank you so much! Have a wonderful night!" That can be intimidating right? Right...?
I just keep thinking how horrible this guy must feel...how awkward and embarrassed he is. I would be. I'd be crushed. But I also wouldn't aggressively ask a stranger for their number after seeing them once. I just could've been so much nicer. And oh god...the people that probably were close enough to hear him ask then to hear me say..."nah no thanks" AHHHH. I'm so embarrassed.
Please someone tell me they've done something similar. Pleaseeeee.
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DemureRose
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Hey!!!! Man oh man, I felt it all as I read! This has happened to me as well 🙈😓🤦♀️
You described the situation so well! I think it’s good that you were able to politely decline. You said “thanks” in there. Saying no can be a terrifying thing! It’s great that you responded with a verbal answer.
What else could you have done? Stared back at him for 5 minutes? Just sprinted away? 😂😂 My friend told me her sister once responded to a guy asked her out by turning away from him and aggressively punching the water coming out of a fountain. 😂
Rejection is a part of life. We celebrate the people who embrace us and rejection is a part of the journey to get where we belong. We grow from failure. That guy will be okay. You said what you needed to! Yay! You’re okay - yay! You survived a new situation.
Personally... I think you don’t have to give an excuse, unless you feel like the reason would make you feel better or safer. But, I believe no is a full sentence. 👏👏👏👏👏
It is a risky situation - rejecting strangers, even if they act like the eat the sun for breakfast and are more positive than Buddy the Elf.
I know it’s hard. I know when you think about the situation, you think of a million things you could have done differently. To be better. To some how salvaged the situation. BUT HAH NOPE HUMANS ALWAYS BE AWKWARD. It’s definitely normal.
I would encourage you to think of the ways that you handled the situation well and what you’re proud of.
Why should you be nice to some jerk who got off at your stop, followed you to a car park, and then tried and pick you up? Worry about your own feelings not his. Get real dear.
Speaking as a guy, it's okay, you can just say no. We'll survive! 🙂 If you'd been asked out by a guy you already knew, you could have spared his feelings by saying you already have a boyfriend, but if it's some random guy from a bus there's no need. It's not really any of his business whether you have a boyfriend or not. (You don't need to claim to be gay for anyone though!)
I think you dealt with it well actually. Most men accept a refusal and move on, but there are a few who don't take it well. Given that you were on your own with him, you were right to answer clearly, without leaving any room for doubt. With some guys you might say you have a boyfriend and he would then say, "Your boyfriend's not here." You say you don't want to cheat on him and he says, "That's so cute. He doesn't deserve you." You see what I mean, if you're in a situation that could become physically intimidating, it's better to answer clearly and not provide an opening for an awkward conversation.
I broke this down how I see it from my lens...
Him thanking the bus driver etc, could have been completely by his nature as in he’s outspoken, confident and polite, or he could have possessed a certain snarky tone as if he could be a narcissist. Your gut feeling told you this was intimidating. Nothing wrong with that, he could really be the biggest creep of all.
You have anxiety, your fight or flight instinctively set in, you felt uncomfortable and unsafe. You don’t question your own inhibitions when it comes to being around complete strangers, there is a certain space in which us with anxiety live in, he breached your safe space.
Your anxiety has set in after having you question yourself well after this situation is over and that’s what anxiety does. Be okay with your choices to keep yourself safe, worrying what others think of us (this guy, the people that may have seen this) is something anxiety does to us too, one day you won’t do this, this circumstance would be a mere blip on your radar and won’t bother you in the least.
Hi Rose,I'm just seeing this now, so I'm late to the party. "NAH-NO THANKS". Hysterical!! 😂 That probably would have been something along the lines of what I would have said. I am NEVER GOOD at thinking on the spot! You absolutely said nothing wrong. You were just taken off guard. I could see a lot of myself while reading your story.😂
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xx
I feel like I'm dying all the time!
felt like i got the better of the anxiety today!!
Derealization feeling all day:(
Crying all night. lynl
All is well , for now :-)
