Should I keep my hot&cold friends or just move on?

[DemureRose]

If you read my last post, you’d know I’ve been feeling like the unwanted friend lately. Or at least the friend that nobody really wants to hang out with given other options.

Today I had another prime example of that shoved in my face.

I get on Instagram and what do I see? A picture one of my friends posted on her story of her in the car with my other two friends with the caption “Best friends!” Yeah...I wasn’t asked to come along.

They know my off days from class are in Friday’s. I have repeatedly told them. We hung out last weekend, so they know I’d be interested in hanging out again. They just simply didn’t want me to come.

Which is fine. Whatever.

But just tell me. Stop inviting me to hang out one weekend and act like we’re best friends then leave me out the next.

And I don’t know how they don’t see that posting that is going to make me feel like crap. Do they just think I don’t care? It’s a running joke in the group that I have no feelings because I tend to not react to things, but do they really think that? Think that obnoxiously posting about an outing my friend group had without me, no invite, isn’t going to feel like a knife in the gut?

I would NEVER post a picture hanging out with my friends if I knew someone close to us wasn’t included. Never. I don’t even like sending a Snapchat to one of my friends if I’m at work with another. It’s just something that I view has mean and wrong.

They just always give me such mixed signals. They act happy to see me and everything, but then they do stuff like this that sends a totally different message.

All of my friend groups have ended this way. With me being excluded a lot towards the end. I don’t know what I’m doing to deserve this, but it sucks. I already have unresolved trauma from the last friend group that did this, and I didn’t even like them as much. I mean because of the stuff they did to me I now always get super anxious if my friends are late to a get together, in fear it was all a joke in me and they’re laughing somewhere. I always avoid speaking my mind or revealing private things because I’m afraid they’ll use it to make fun of me.

All of these issues I have because of past friends, and here my current friends are doing the same.

And it’s only going to get worse because two of them will be living together next semester and they’ve apparently already told my other friend she’s welcome anytime. I never received that same invitation.

Now I know it seems simple. Just leave them.

But I don’t have any other friends and I have an extremely hard time making friends. I’ve known the friends I have now practically my whole life. And it’s hard to trust them, let alone strangers.

I’m just sad and confused and lonely. And I just don’t understand why I’m forced to feel like this all the time.

[Hidden]

Hello

Friends can be one of the most difficult things to work out as well as when we have anxiety we over think to however what you have posted I would feel hurt as well

Maybe as you don't show emotion they just to not realise and I think wordered in the right way it is time you told them

You could say something like

I am not sure if I come across I do not care or I don't hurt but that is just the way I am but I do feel left out sometimes and it does hurt especially when I see posts where you have all been out and did not include me

If they have any morals this should make the think if not I would not want friends like that anyway

Sometimes in life it is not about the quantity of friends you have but the quality and you will find that one good friend that does have quality and I would rather just have the one like that than loads that hurt me over and over again

Take Care x

[Miniwheats]

Tell them how their actions make you feel. Do it in a very straightforward way and rehearse your words. They can't make fun of you if you are simply telling it like it is (avoid getting too emotional). It is really the only way to repair a friendship. Don't repeat a pattern of leaving your problems (ie a friend group) without trying to deal with them first otherwise you will miss the opportunity to grow and learn. If they really want you in their group after you've expressed yourself then they will work to fix it. If they don't then you will know very soon and you will need to move on. Look back at your behaviour with this group and ask yourself if there were behaviours you could improve upon next time, as you mentioned that your friend groups seem to always end this way. We are all a work in progress and the only way to improve is through self reflection and trial and error🙂