My 16 year old daughter has officially been diagnosed with anxiety although I've known for years that she was suffering with it I just couldn't get her to go to the gp before now. It's mainly social anxiety but she worries about pretty much everything. I love her so much and all I have ever wanted is for her to be happy, it breaks my heart that she feels she isn't good enough and that she spends so much of this precious time worrying about stuff.
Is it something I've done, could I have prevented it? I am trying to get her therapy through a charity recommended by her gp but will look at going private if there is going to be a long wait..what kind is best? The gp says CBT will probably be the best way to go?
Thanks in advance xx
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NatChap
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It’s hard to say why someone suffers from anxiety, sometimes it is environmental and often there is just a genetic component. When kids go through trauma such as seeing their parents fight or divorce, being raised in a strict household, moving far away from friends, any of these things can cause anxiety. It’s good she is seeing a doctor and hopefully some medication and therapy will help her.
Thanks x We are just a very average family, no traumatic events, same house all of her life, surrounded by family. Hypothyroidism runs in our family which can cause anxiety but she has no other symptoms of thyroid disorder (I do watch for signs of that and if I suspected it I'd get her tested straight away). X
Sometimes before the thyroid disorder presents itself with tons of symptoms that are diagnosable, there are symptoms the patient is already experiencing. Mental health and thyroid disorders go hand in hand as you know.
Yes, I am keeping a close eye on that and I am making sure that she gets vit and mineral supplements as thyroid patients are often deficient in iron, vitamin d and b12 x
I don't know that you can ever get this answer. My anxiety is probably from a few factors growing up including and alcoholic father, but who's to say? It runs on both sides of my family. It could just be genetic. My longtime (and dearly departed) counselor wisely told me, "If you come into a room and the window is broken, what you do to fix it is the same whether or not you know how it was broken." It's true, and it seems like you're doing what you can to help. Not all parents would be so generous.
Hi NatChap, So sorry you both are going through this, hugs to you. No, I don't think it's your fault. You seem like a loving, warm, devoted mama. But our kids will struggle with things in life that have absolutely nothing to do with us. It's life
My daughter was 14 when things really fell apart. She's 16 now and doing so well. None of it was my/my husband's fault. It's how she is built. She has an incredible anxiety center in her mind and she always will, but she understands it now and handles it beautifully. It took her a while (and lots of amazing therapy) to get where she is now. Your daughter will get there. So glad she will have therapy. Yes, a therapist who knows anxiety well and knows CBT is a must. A therapists who can weave in other therapeutic approaches as well is ideal.
Try to be gentle with yourself. My own (baseline high) anxiety went into orbit when my daughter was going through her toughest time. Try to learn all you can about anxiety so that you can support your daughter of course, but so that you can cope and get through this too 🤗
My daughter has shown signs of anxiety going as far back as maybe 8 or 9 years old when she became quite obsessive about handwashing after norovirus was rife in her school. Back then she was still fairly outgoing though (she's always been shy) and had lots of friends etc..but after starting secondary school more symptoms of anxiety appeared. I've tried to persuade her to go to the doctors for the last couple of years but that involves talking to a stranger which is one of the things that makes her most anxious. Anyway last week she fainted after worrying about stuff all day and told me she thought she should probably get help now.
It's good to know that you're daughter is getting on top of things, I really hope we have the same success as she desperately wants to be more outgoing and confident x
My son did the handwashing until his hands were so RED and raw that we had to cover them in vaseline and cover with socks for bed. He was 4 at the time. He continued off and on with “obsessions.” Also caradtrophied about so many things that truly, truly were not a problem...He also struggled to sleep at night. Worried costantly.
Safe, loving, boring home life. His parents love each other....
I wanted counseling for him, my husband thought I was nuts.
The disorder spiralled in HS and after graduation and his life fell apart. I did too.
I am SO, SO happy to see you have kids who are getting or even wanting help and a spouse who agrees!!!!! DO NOT let up on finding them the BEST help you posdibly can NOW!
I'm sorry to hear that, are things any better now? I do think that most people just don't understand how serious anxiety can be. The amount of times I hear, 'just tell her to chill out' or 'tell her not to worry' 🙄 Even my husband I think, secretly thinks I'm over reacting by getting her a therapist but our family are supportive at least x
Ah, I feel for you all, it's hard going through it yourself but equally for those watching that can't 😔 I see his point with Big Pharma, I'm not a fan myself but sometimes you have to accept it even if only for a short time. I do hope that counselling helps xxx
There might also be a food connection making it worse. Food and environmental intolerances and/or allergies can aggravate someone who is sensitive. Eating a whole food diet, cutting out refined sugar, lots of carbs, fast foods and processed foods could help. When we are stressed we tend to grab overly sweet foods or salty processed foods like chips. Although this probably won't eliminate the underlying anxiety issues, it can certainly help in giving one more strength and endurance to handle anxiety. Of course this is easier said than done especially for a teen, but something to consider. Personally, I have multiple intolerances and when I'm eating clean, and staying away from foods that aggravate me, I am much more positive. I've found that perfumes and cigarette smoke can cause me to feel anxious.
I found this fascinating. I was wearing a new sunscreen. My husband came into the room acting normal, than after a few minutes he became very irritable and asked what the awful smell was. I told him I was wearing a new sunscreen. I showed him the bottle and he took a sniff. He actually jumped back from it and tossed it away from him and acted very odd. I have never seen him respond this way. Of course I washed it off and got rid of the sunscreen. Later he told me that the smell made him feel extremely anxious, and he is usually not an anxious person. He has a few food intolerances, but nothing like I have and generally no environmental intolerances that we had known of, so there must have been an ingredient in that lotion that caused a reaction.
The fact that she's sixteen suggests to me there are multiple reasons for feeling these insecurities. And I think the scariest thing to them is that they feel alone and incapable of being the person they wish they could be. They can't help but compare themselves to their peers, even though as parents we smother them with love, affection, and approval.
It's possible she suffers because of hormonal imbalances, which is common for a lot of people, not just a teenager. It's also possible her body is not producing enough serotonin, dopamine, and GABA to give her an overall sense of well-being. Only a functional doctor will be able to help her with this, not a regular conventional doctor - the two should not be mixed up.
My daughters have had extensive blood work done by a functional doctor along with a saliva test and other tests, and have since been able to dramatically reduce their anxiety, simply because their body is working for them, and giving them some emotional and psychological fighting power.
I know it's challenging for some teens to open up about their emotions, their feelings of fear and failures, but I would hope there is someone in your circle of contacts, whether it be a family member she looks up to and trusts, a school staff member she admires and feels safe with, a pastor of a Bible believing church, or other counselor type person she can unload these heavy concerns. Social anxiety is real, and unless a person experiences it themselves, it doesn't make any sense.
Without pressuring your daughter, try to offer same safe alternatives to let her know she is not alone, that you understand, and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to see her feel better about herself. I would be very happy to discuss this more, or pass along a phone number for either you or your daughter to call for a free consultation. You will hear a kind loving voice at the other end of the phone, giving you words of hope and reassurance. Blessings to you.
Thank you, that's really kind I got her an appointment with a lovely therapist (first meeting earlier this evening) and she has agreed to keep seeing her so she has her first actual session next week. Really hoping it helps!!
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