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[tppppppp]

Anyone else have daily thoughts of dying?

[bolhead]

Constantly

[tppppppp in reply to bolhead]

Sorry dude. Itsucks.

[Missylluvv1]

Yes, I have to push through it and remember that my mom wouldn’t want that

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Do you mean just wanting to die or thinking you're going to die? I don't want to and worry endlessly about it...health anxiety. The only way I came to sort of cope with it is...we're all going to die someday. It's one of the few things anyone can tell with 100% certainty. As far as I know, we only get one shot at this thing. So when things get crappy, tough, and awful, I find it best to reflect on the positive stuff. If life was constantly great, we wouldn't know any better. A shoelace being untied would cause us to have a breakdown. Throughout my own life, when things hit the shit, I noticed a recurring theme that seems to make sense to me (and maybe only me): the wheel of life...things get shitty and things get great. Circle of life, the way it goes, or just life. Pick whatever manner of expression.

So my thoughts are constantly there but not because I desire it. I'm scared of it sometimes. Other times I think I'm ready to accept it. I don't know what it's like to be at a point of wanting it. I don't know how bad it feels to feel like it's necessary. I'm not a huge man of faith, but I'm not ready to cross over and see what's on the other side. Could be good, could be bad, could be nothing at all. All we know is right now, here, and this second. I don't want to pep talk all over your post other than I am sorry you have these feelings and I hope you're able to find an end to them. Whatever it takes to enjoy this moment. If it's because you're in a bad place (disclaimer time...always use the hotlines if you're going to hurt yourself, seriously), you might need to focus on what you need...and selfishly. Is your doctor not finding the answers? Try another. Job got you down? Try another. It's a redundant cycle of questioning followed by a redundant sequence of trial. But it's human to keep on trying because survival says that you try until you cannot anymore. My own personal point on this is when I think something isn't working, I keep looking somewhere else. And it might be all for nothing...my anxiety and depression may never leave me, but I refuse to ever quit.

Just some words of thought because I know it's easy for me to pop on here and say, "Hey, wow, I'm so sorry, things will get better, hang in there, we're here. Strawberries and smiley face balloons." I know you're probably tired of that. Sometimes I am, too. I appreciate the reality of the situation. So, with that, I truly do hope these thoughts fade. I don't know your life, so I can't adequately say try this, that, and all will be better, but I think your life deserves more purpose than daily thoughts of death. So, absolutely try to feel better, find something that even catches a grin. Go watch stupid YouTube videos like I do sometimes and when you grin or chuckle, savor it. Keep it simple. I think somehow society has made life more difficult or harder to "swim in" with how disassociated we've become and more advanced. How in the hell do you make things easier (smart phones, computers) and things seem worse? I think we just have too much time on our hands. Anyway, I do hope the thoughts stop for you. The things that make you happy and enjoy life....I hope you can find that again. Take care and, for what it's worth, I do mean it when I say feel free to message me if you ever need an ear. Sometimes it helps just to let out the steam because the pressure inside doesn't give until you do. Occasionally I've felt this with a therapist and it's not bad. My ear is free, so if you need it, I'm $0 per hour but I'm lacking a good clipboard and bad ass couch. Take care.

[Hidden]

Daily