What is wrong with me? Am i insane?

[Anon9867]

everyday i go through life with these problems,

I have to be extremely careful with day to day activities or something will set me off (anxiety) if i look at a picture or drawing of a guy for too long, I'll feel really uncomfortable and gay, and when i tell myself I'm not gay, it doesn't seem to make a difference, i just get more and more nervous and uncomfortable and start biting my lips and get sweaty palms.

I cannot for the life of me sit up longer then 5 minutes without feeling intense discomfort and anxiety, i can't sit up to do anything, i have to lay in bed 24/7 and it gets tiring after a while, because i just want to sit up, when i try to just push through it, it gets 10x worse

I cannot read normally without feeling some sort of tension in my head and that drives me insane, it restricts my ability to think and so i have to stay away from all books or any shows that have subtitles.

I sometimes get very troubling thoughts that will not go away, no matter what i try to do.

I take a very light dose of Buspar everyday night before bed which causes intense light headedness and dizziness, its so bad it affects my judgment.

Most days i just have to try thinking out loud because i feel like i can't think without saying anything, and when i get those uncomfortable feelings as mentioned above i just start talking to myself more as a coping mechanism.

I don't know what to do anymore, but, this is no way to live, i really want to be free.

I ask again, what is wrong with me? I'm too terrified to seek any sort of help as i fear of being locked up or heavily medicated

[Anon9867]

Also, any sort of exercise worsens this problem afterwards, I'll try to relax but, i just, can't, i have no control over anything