Square peg, round hole and more stress

When I began therapy again earlier this summer, my therapist and I talked about goals for our time together. I told him that I am an introvert and that a source of my anxiety is the increasing amount of interaction with others I must now do at work. Being introverted doesn’t mean I don’t like people or that I’m anti-social. It means that I need downtime to recharge my emotional batteries.

With the recurring anxiety and panic that has recently happened, I have also experienced insomnia, additional stress at work, along with the normal stress load that each and every one of us faces. Because of the cumulative effect of all of this, I did go back to my psychiatrist and am now on a low dose of trazedone which is helping take the edge off of the worst symptoms.

I’m writing this to speak to the need to be true to one’s self. Are you by nature shy? Introverted? If this is your true nature, do you feel pushed around by friends, family, acquaintances to do and be things that you at heart are not? While I know that there are those who may want more activity and that the anxiety is interfering with that, there are people like me who simply prefer the quiet of home, hanging with a few close friends, and just generally keeping the vibe on chill.

I once dated someone who was all about the party scene. I was a much younger man than I am now, but I see how my need for companionship didn’t take into account the fact that she and I were simply incompatible. She wanted to go out, hit the bars, hit the clubs, be seen, etc. I wanted to be at home or do leisurely, quiet activities on the weekend. I tried to honor her needs for an active nightlife, but I was getting lost in the mix. Eventually we stopped seeing each other and friends told me she was saying some really mean things about me behind my back.

This bothered me for years. It interfered with how I honored myself and how I created relationships. I spent more time trying to be everything to everyone, and no time being myself. This added to stress, which added to anxiety, which gave way to panic. Therapy, medication, soul searching, yoga, all for the sake that more than anything I needed to set boundaries, honor and embrace my true nature, and let others expectations and demands go back on them and off of me.

I’m back on this journey and just wanted to share this. Thanks for listening.

[Agora1]

Battersea, "Don't let someone change who you are, to become what they need"

I believe in that and it works. Be true to thy self.

[JkBrauer]

Smiles! Keep your chin up, you are valuable and important. I will pray for you!

[Calm_mama]

Hi! I have a daughter who is on the introverted side. She has always embraced it. I love this Ted Talk on the subject- it helped me understand her better and stop pushing to behave in ways that were in opposition to her nature. So glad you went through the self-discovery journey and found what works for you

ted.com/talks/susan_cain_th...

[Hidden in reply to Calm_mama]

Thanks for the link! It was affirming to hear someone speak to the virtues of being introverted.