Anxiety and Alcohol

[Brightstar0109]

I really need any help I can get at the moment, this is going to be long but I would really appreciate the read and any advice you can offer. I’m 17 years old, female. I’m not even sure where to begin but basically this post is alcohol based. I don’t drink. I hate it. All of my friends do and my boyfriend does (my boyfriend is in my friend group). At every event we go to they obviously drink and do lots of it, including my boyfriend. Me and him actually have a deal that sometimes he drinks only a couple of cans (doesn’t usually go to plan). And at every event, I end up leaving early bawling my eyes out because my boyfriend is drinking. My eyes are on him all the time, I can’t help myself and I make it so much harder on myself by watching him or being with him but I need to know what he’s doing. I cant explain why I hate drinking or especially him drinking. I have anxiety etc which you could read about in previous posts by me but I cannot honestly tell you why I hate it. But when I see him drinking it’s like the whole world stops and my heart sinks right down to my toes, I feel sick to my stomach. He knows exactly how I feel hence the agreement for him to drink less sometimes, but even then it doesn’t always go to plan. Such as tonight where he told me he wouldn’t drink a lot and he’d drank several several several cans and played beer pong all within 2 hours, and also taken other people’s drink. This happens every single time, I cry my eyes out. And we love each other so much, when we are together I can’t even explain it. Like I understand I’m only 17 and I’m young but we’ve been together for 2 years and he makes me happier than I ever thought was possible, he made my anxiety bearable when it was at it’s worst. He knows about every little detail about me so he knows about my anxiety and my hate of drink. I just really don’t know what to do, I want to be able to have a good time but I just cant. All anyone ever says is just go have fun but it’s not that easy? Like those with anxiety will know how hard it is to get something off ur mind, and its always on my mind. I make myself so ill for days before the event. Tonight was my friends 18th birthday party and I had to leave early because I couldn’t stop crying because of how much he was drinking, and he knew how hurt I was and told me he was drinking regardless. I understand that he wants to drink and most people do but I can’t help but he hurt that he can see me so upset and still feed that sadness. I just need someone to tell me what to do because it’s eating me alive. I have a fear of vomiting and most of my anxiety stems from that, it’s a horrible horrible phobia and very extreme. On our graduation from high school last month he drank so much that he was sick everywhere, I phoned his mum and all of my friends were mad at me for doing so. He was sick all night and his mum was up with him. One week after graduation I’d lost a stone and a half because I was so traumatised and stressed by what had happened. I began slowly putting on weight recently but I’m still a stone down from what I was at graduation which was in April. I’ve left the party tonight and I think he’s going to be sick again like he was at graduation. My heart is breaking I just don’t know what to do. Any advice is greatly appreciated because I worry one day it really will come between us. This has been ongoing for months now. Thank you in advance everyone x

[Hidden]

Brighstar0909, you don't like him drinking because you fear he will get sick? Or has there been another issue while he was drinking ? How is his behavior while he drinks? Is he violent or is he a calm drinker? I'm just trying to understand a little more why his excessive drinking worries you like that. I went through this when I was much older than you are now with my first childs father and it was because he became very violent and abusive and disgusting when he got drunk and I left him for it many many years back. But I want to figure out if that's the reason why it affects you.

[Brightstar0109 in reply to Hidden]

He’s not aggresive or violent, he can be mean but that is essentially only because I am moaning about him drinking, obviously I’m not condoning the behaviour but he’s defo not aggresive, he’s mostly happy but I just hate seeing him so out of control etc I don’t know, I cannot explain it, I’m also so sorry for what you went through.

[Hidden in reply to Brightstar0109]

Thank you Brightstar0109. The only advice I would have for you is to not be around him when he drinks since he is not listening to you or taking into account how much it affects you. Since you know that at social events he will drink maybe it's best for you to not go with him. Agora1 is right only he can change his irresponsible drinking.

[Agora1]

Brightstar0109, it already has come between you. Alcohol is a tough competition to compete with. Your bf may be the best thing that happened to you but for him, drinking is. He is not drinking responsibly and that is something that only he can change. Stay safe. I hope he makes some changes before he loses the best thing ever....YOU xx

[Brightstar0109 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much! Xxx

[Indigojoe]

At 17 you can pick and choose people to be in your life who are beneficial for you.

These are the years that you get to decide what you admire in other people.

Choose to spend time with other kids who make you a better person.

IF anyone that you are with triggers you for any reason that makes you feel, bad, scared, freaked, or belittled, you cut them loose.

Now is the time in your life to make good choices that allow you be be supported in your relationships and you cultivate becoming the best person you can be.

Be nicer to yourself than you are to other people right now.

IF a person your age is drinking like this and his MOMMY has to stay up with him all night, you can not fix this.

You need to trust and believe in yourself, and you can not do that when other people are emotional vampires.

Be brave.

[Hidden]

You probably hate it because you feel like he leaves you for a while because it probably completely changes his personality? You then feel unsure of yourself around him and that makes you feel anxious??? That’s the main thing I am thinking. Or maybe you are thinking he has a problem with alcohol ?? I think you need to take a little time to figure out why it bothers you so much.

[Brightstar0109 in reply to Hidden]

Its been a problem for months now because hes began drinking much more at events, he doesnt drink unless there’s a party but when there is he can get really drunk

[Hidden in reply to Brightstar0109]

So does drinking make him seem less caring and angry at you? If it does you feel anxiety because of his personality change or perhaps unpredictability? I cAn understand that. You care for him and you want to be with him. Not some chemically altered version of him. Maybe tell him how it changes him and tell him you love his personality when he doesn’t drink. I wish you the very best .

[Brightstar0109 in reply to Hidden]

You could be right but I honesrly have no clue why I feel this way, its taking over my life

[Lymeforyears]

Hi sweetie! I am a recovering alcoholic so I know the devastating effects of alcohol first hand. This reminds me of a good freind of mine. She was dating a man and she smoked. He hated it and didn't want her to get lung cancer so he told her to quit or he would have to break up with her. Well she quit and 30 healthy years later they have a great family and life together. Unfortunately with alcohol sone people can have 1 or 2 on the weekends and it will never affect their lives. Others will go from drinking on just the weekends to a few days a week and maybe every day. I don't know where he's at with that as he's young and it's too early to say. But if u hate alcohol and the way it changes people you may have to say goodbye. There are a lot of people out there who don't drink or like someone else suggested don't be around him when he drinks. It's so hard because your young and a lot of people celebrate weekends and occasions with parties and drinking but there are some great people out there who don't. I am hoping and praying for u to find the right solution. Because u love him so much it's so so hard. And you also said all your friends drink which is also tough as its like your whole world right now. But as u get older maybe little by little you can find newer freinds who don't drink or share the same hobbies as yourself. If u have Alcoholics Anonymous meetings near u they have meetings for families of alcoholics. I'm not saying your boyfriend or any of your freinds are alcoholics in any way but maybe going to a meeting with families of alcoholics will help u have support if u ever need it. I'm not promoting any groups as I think everyone has their own way of dealing with problems but in your case it might help if u met some people who may feel the way u do. Boy i really wrote a lot. I hope this finds you doing well and u are in my thoughts 💛

[Brightstar0109 in reply to Lymeforyears]

Thank you so much! That really helped xx

[stde]

Firstly you have to seek help for your fear of vomiting as this is interfering with your life...I wish you well

Secondly and just as hard is to realise you cannot control others...it is futile and you will only upset yourself

[Hidden]

stay safe honey

[Jononon]

First off I want to point out that he shouldn't be drinking that much. So it's normal for it to scare you. People aren't themselves when they are drunk plus he's getting sick. I think your reaction is normal. Maybe you need to make him choose. My wife did the same with me when I was 19. I even still drink and get wasted (rarely) at 37 so it's not like I had to stop. Some people can't do that though. Drinking like that so young is dangerous and can turn into real problems real quick. So at the very least your issue with it isn't overreacting or uncalled for in any way. I know he feels like the world (I felt like that for almost every girl I dated) but maybe you need to cut him out so you're not freaking out every time he drinks. I know it sucks and I wish you luck. <3