Darkness returns

I have been struggling recently. Dark suicidal thoughts are returning, I had my first panic attack in a month yesterday. I spend most of my time staring at the walls and ceiling not wanting to leave the house or my bed most days. I quit my job,I wasn’t really able to do it anymore anyways.

I stare at my wheelchair and cry 😢 constantly,knowing thAt I will b in it for the rest of my life.

I’m lashing out at everybody lately. Even on here when I had a go young lady struggling with her situation. I’m becoming bitter and very angry 😠.

I guess you get what you deserve in this life.

[Agora1]

Hi Jennifer this is all still very fresh for you in absorbing how your life has changed. I understand your anger, your bitterness. You don't deserve this. You need professional help. You know I care and I will stand by your side and see you through this. Talk to me

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Week and half ago I was at the drug store and my wheel chair got stuck on the lip at the front entrance,I hadn’t recharged the battery enough and it didn’t have enough power to get over it. Anyways I was asking for help when a young boy with his mother walked past and boy said look Mum it’s a retard look at her face and she talks funny,mother laughed and kept walking.

The only other time I felt so ashamed of myself is when I had abortion 20 years ago.

I lashed out at my best friend now she wants nothing to do with me.

I have started drinking a lot,keeps the pain away.

[Bird-67 in reply to Hidden]

I’m here too Jennifer.

I do not understand the mentality of these ignorant people who can treat other humans in this way but you are a million times better than them and it’s them with the problems not you.

Please stay strong and ignore these low life people, it makes me so angry to hear this sort of thing goes on in this day and age.

Remember you are beautiful and say it to yourself every day.

It is understandable you get angry but we have all said things we regret so don’t beat yourself up about it.

Good luck 👍

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

dearest jennifer234, my heart broke when you told me what happened to you at the drug store. Who wouldn't be crushed at the insensitivity of people. It's unacceptable and hurtful. Jennifer, know that these people are far and few between. Everyday we hear on the news of others going out of their way to help when their fellow human being is in need. I'm sorry you experienced this. Don't let it break you down. No one is worth it. You know we all care on the forum. I'm glad you reached out last night. I hope it brought you some comfort. xxx

[DeeM3]

I’m very tired and can’t put my words down how I want, but I think it’s important for you to know that you are very much in my mind, and prayers. I’m sorry others can be so cruel.