SA is ruining my life

[Maxarme394]

Hi, I'll get straight to the point. I've lost everything and I do believe it's down to Social Anxiety. I had a fantastic life. I have an amazing daughter, I had a wonderful fiancé, I had excellent relationships with her family and mine. But now, it's all gone. I now live on my own. I don't hardly see anyone out of work. My daughter has become more distant. My fiancé is now my ex, I don't see my mum or brother and I hardly see my ex's family. I stay in my flat as much as possible due to the fear of going outside and being social. I fear meeting up with friends and family. I find it so hard to talk on the phone, to go to the shops, having meetings at work is awful and it's also effecting my health as I don't like going running much now in case someone blurts out negatives against me. If I do try to overcome this SA by going out I have a horrible red rash appear over my neck and chest. I like to be with people but social anxiety is pushing me into a corner that I feel I can't get out of. I went to the doctor a few years ago to explain the red rash and he gave me beta blockers which I tried for a bit but they made me feel my head was going to explode.

I fear I lost my fiancé due to this disease because I was completely exhausted and worried about the wedding we had planned. It was killing me. Now, I have lost so much and fear I will loose even more if I don't get help.

I have a Christmas party coming up at the end of November and I am already having deep worries about that.

This has effected every part of my life. I am loosing everything and I feel I am now loosing my daughter. We use to be in each other's pockets and now we hardly spend any time together. I am at my wits end.

[Beevee]

Hi Maxarme394. Sorry to learn you are having a tough time with social anxiety.

First things first. Anxiety is not a disease. It’s a disorder inflicted, unwittingly, by the sufferer themselves. Due to stress or a series of stresses, nerves that control the body’s emotions and natural fight/flight response have become frayed or sensitised to the point that you feel the feelings of fear in situations that never used to bother them in the slightest. Because of these feelings of fear, the automatic response is to withdraw from those situations. This is how social anxiety builds up, the same with agoraphobia and any other type of fear based disorders.

To get your life back, make your life bigger than your anxiety. I mean, if it tells you not to go to that Christmas party, accept all the feelings but go anyway. Those feelings cannot harm you and giving you false messages. Don’t fall for those tricks being played on your mind by those anxious thoughts. Sorry if I’m being a little blunt here but you are stopping yourself from recovering by placing far too much belief and importance in those thoughts and feelings which are only present because you have anxiety. When you recover, they simply won’t be there.

So, my advice is to call your daughter, go and visit her and take your anxious mind and body with you. Nobody will know how you are feeling inside, it is only your anxious mind saying they will notice but even if they did, so what? It doesn’t matter.

The more you face those fears, the more the fear will dissipate and normal feelings will return but you have to keep moving forward doing normal stuff for normal feelings to return. If you continue to withdraw in fear, nothing will change. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Hope this helps

Best wishes

Beevee

[Maxarme394]

Thanks Beevee for your reply. I appreciate the advise and try my hardest to face the anxiety instead of running from it but it's really harder than anyone could imagine.

[Hidden]

Hello

I am sorry you are going through so much due to SA

I am uncomfortable around people and it does make you push people away but of course it is not the answer

No you can't go on like this especially as it has affected your relationships with you nearest and dearest so action needs to be taken

First I would go back to my Doctors

Beta blockers are sometimes given bit no they do not suite everyone and there are so many other meds that do so that wold be something you could discuss as well as Counselling which I feel would really benefit you and again your Doctor could refer you or if you have the means you could go for Counselling private which will get you seen quicker

I know so far these suggestions may feel daunting because it means you having to talk with people which is your fear but we have to start some where and you have to remember a Doctor and Counsellor deal with these issues everyday so this is nothing new to them and they won't judge you

Now your Daughter and Family , you could do with their support

I perhaps would start with my Daughter

I would phone her and be totally honest about how you are and what you have been going through but tell her how much you miss her and so want her in your life but this is what you are dealing with

If you struggle talking with her you could write her a letter ?

I would take one thing at a time , Doctor , getting some meds /Counselling sorted , approaching the people in your life and so on , deal with one and then move on to the other , with each one you do you will feel that inner strength that you will have to deal with this and slowly but surely things will start to come together

Always someone about to talk to and help you through all this and as you face each stage so just shout out when you need a listening ear hopefully that will help to

Take Care x