How to get rid of anxiety.

[Beevee]

Stop trying to get better.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to get rid of their anxiety. They think they have to protect themselves from feeling it. They hide away, avoid social interaction, run away from those thoughts and feelings, push them away. Feeling a certain way is not the cause of the struggle and prolonged suffering, it is not wanting to feel a certain way that keeps you struggling and suffering.

It is important to stress (not that you need more !) that the goal is not doing things to stop yourself feeling anxious/depressed etc, it is to no longer care if you do feel that way. This is why people spend a lot of time and money searching for the elusive cure in the next book, the next therapist, the next tablet, the next remedy, safety behaviours etc etc.

Sorry but this approach is wrong and the reason why you haven’t made progress. You are still afraid of those pesky symptoms and as long as fear lurks in the shadows, the door is left open for anxiety to keep coming back.

To recover, you must actively go towards those thoughts and feelings to reveal the lies anxiety has been spinning, to desensitise and create new beliefs and habits. Don’t try and protect yourself by avoiding. Paying too much respect and belief in those thoughts and feelings only serves to feed the anxiety. If you feed something, it grows in strength.

To starve anxiety, ask for more, dont hide away, reveal your anxiety to yourself and see it for what it really is. One big bluff, a con. You’ve been “had” all along. Dont treat it like you have to protect yourself from it. Anxiety is designed to protect you from danger so you just go round in ever decreasing circles), fighting a battle you cannot win. Don’t hide away from it or putting on an act hoping no one knows how you are feeling. Go from caring to not caring, go from trying to keep it at bay to welcoming it in, go from trying not to feel it, to feeling it at will.

Trying everything to not feel it just keeps people stuck in the anxiety cycle. I made the same mistakes too until I learned that the way to recover was to do the opposite and do nothing about the symptoms. Give up the battle with yourself.

Stop trying to figure out why you feel a certain way;

Stop trying to come across as normal;

Stop trying to not think about anxiety;

Stop trying to hold on to who you are;

Stop trying to find your old self;

Stop trying to feel a certain way;

Stop trying not to feel a certain way;

Stop trying to think a different way;

Stop trying to be somewhere else;

Stop trying to use mantras to ease the feelings.

Trying means you are still in fighting mode and not accepting your current state. It is always about you trying to feel different. This just tires your already tired mind even more. This is how obsessive thoughts develop. The mind is too tired to think of anything else and keeps playing the same thoughts over and over like a stuck record and stops you taking part with the world around you, adding yet more pressure.

Anxiety feeds on your intense dislike of it. It leads to suppression tactics and the constant search for answers. It feeds on your fear of it so you hide away and let it dictate your life. Learn to stop feeding it by allowing it to be there without it dominating you and dictating what you do. Learn to be ok with it and carry on moving forward with your life, taking the anxiety with you.

You honestly don’t need anything more than a good understanding of anxiety and a change in attititude towards the symptoms. No coping strategies, no mantras, no safety behaviours, no magic tablet.

I learned to stop fighting myself, I stopped trying to escape from the way I felt. I gave up trying to control my mind and body which actually handed control back to me. I carried on doing normal things, went to work, exercised, socialised and took the anxiety with me. I learned and then trusted that my mind and body would fix itself in the same way the human body heals after an injury. I didn’t have to do anything except observe what was going on in my head and body and wait for recovery to come to me. I still felt terrible for a while but reached the point where I didn’t worry about it and stopped caring which is what acceptance is all about. Gradually, the symptoms melted away and the old me returned. I honestly believe that I am a better person because of the healing process I went through. Having learnt the right way to cope, losing my fear of the symptoms along the way, I wont be looking over my shoulder worrying if it will return because it doesn’t matter if it does.

Hope this helps

[Jeff1943]

A truly remarkable posting, Beevee. If everyone who goes to their doctor with anxiety was given a copy of this posting we could get rid of half the psychiatrists and therapists in the world.

Beevee, Jeff1943, Un Couer!

[Vbee]

Yep.

[foxglove]

Good observation- from one who has tried all sorts! Agree it's best to accept and just get on with life!

[Tempestteapot]

Beevee, have you ever seen the amazing 'aah, f##k it' video by Sherwin Nuland? Well - that's about it in a nutshell! Everyone should pop over to YouTube and watch it. It was the true way in which he recovered from severe mental health problems.

So we don't need mantra's or complex coping strategies next time anxiety rears its head - 'ahh, f##k it' would do just nicely.....☺

[Beevee in reply to Tempestteapot]

I haven’t but anything that teaches an attitude of acceptance (f**k it and carry on regardless) towards the symptoms of anxiety gets my vote.

I only bought two books. One by Dr Claire Weekes (Essential Help for your Nerves) and the other by Paul David called At Last a Life. Although the content and style may be a little different, the message is exactly the same. Accept it and move on.

[Tempestteapot in reply to Beevee]

Yes!!! Those are the very two I have! ☺ You really must check out the video - you'll totally dig it and Sherwin is so endearing.

[Beevee]

Just had a look. Very good. That is why acceptance takes a while to work because the brain has to form new neural pathways that are not fear based. Hence the reason to go out and live your life instead of making anxiety your main focus. Engage with the world and the mind has something else to focus on instead of anxiety. Over time, you rejoin the world and forget about anxiety.

From my experiences and learnings, most mental health issues are rooted in fear. Im not talking about schizophrenia or other serious conditions, I am talking about anxiety in all its forms - GAD, OCD, depression/depletion, agoraphobia etc etc. Dr Claire Weekes explains it very well. Fear is the root cause so if you lose the fear or the fear of the feelings of fear, recovery will follow. Dr Weekes said the vast majority of her patients feared the feelings of fear. Naturally, if anxiety developed as a result of a insurmountable problem, it will require that problem to be faced and resolved or at the very least, establishing a different view point to that problem. Even then, acceptance will help alleviate the exaggerated thoughts and feelings that come with anxiety so that you can view the problem rationally instead of seeing a distorted picture caused by the anxiety. Anxious people have anxious thoughts and try and fix the problem with an anxious mind. Doesn’t work.

[KrissNique]

I get confused often if I am recovering or losing myself/identity. I feel like I have forgotten what "normal" feels like. When I'm distracted I don't pay that much attention to how I'm feeling them I get a glimpse of you are not all the way here then I freak out. I can say that I feel better now than I once did but that also confuses me. I use to have really bad physical anxiety and panic attacks . Depression as well. Now it seems that most of those physical symptoms have lessened but my mind feels soooo weird. Its almost like I'm me but not all the way me. Like I've lost apart of myself. But I'm able to smile more now and even laugh but in my mind I still feel off some kind of way. I'm just confused. I want to go back to life where I never focused on who i was? or what it mean to be alive? or is my life real? I just want to live. Any advice for me?

[Beevee in reply to KrissNique]

Hi KrissNique.

My advice is contained in my initial message. Learn to accept EVERYTHING, even the confusion you feel. Just label it all as anxiety and allow yourself to think and feel anything without fighting it, or questioning the thoughts and feelings There can be no half measures. You can’t be accepting of some things and not others. It means totally giving in to anxiety and all its symptoms, waving the white flag and letting it all wash over you and doing absolutely nothing about it. You won’t come to any harm. It is just excessive energy trapped inside your body and needs to be released. Acceptance allows this energy to be released. The more you allow it all to happen, the more the negative energy can escape from you and the symptoms will fade away. This is the way to recover. All the symptoms only hang around because you fear them. Lose the fear through acceptance and peace of mind and body will follow.

Does this make sense?

[KrissNique in reply to Beevee]

That makes perfect sense. I will work at the accepting thing. (which in itself confuses me) lol. But lately despite how I feel I have been carrying on with life. So when I get those "depersonalized emotions" just ride through them basically?

Thank you soooo very much for the advice . Your words are greatly appreciated. They helped me A LOT!

[Beevee in reply to KrissNique]

It takes practice so don’t be impatient with yourself.

In simpler terms, it’s about giving up the struggle against how you are feeling, no longer arguing with or questioning those thoughts and feelings trying to block them out, trying to think positively to make them go away. None of this ever worked. It only made me more frustrated and desperate when they would come. Let them be there while carrying on with your day.

Scary thoughts and feelings will grab your full attention so let them. But greet them with the attitude of “So what!? Here come more terrible, nasty thoughts and feelings but it’s no big deal...I couldn’t care less” and carry on. Don’t add any extra special importance to those thoughts or feelings.

[KrissNique in reply to Beevee]

O.K. I will be working on this. The "So what" . I think that is really good advice. I'm ready to "retrain this brain" and feel at real peace again. Thank you so much. You should think about writing a book or article. I think a lot of us need to hear more encouraging and HELPFUL things. The world of anxiety is bizarre and scary. Just having someone there to reassure you is so beneficial . Thank you Beevee!

[jessiejakes]

Brilliant !!!!! Well said I understood every word you said.I to accepted the anxiety and I'm enjoying a anxiety free life and enjoyed a lovely holiday in Spain few weeks ago .thankyou for sharing.

[Hidden]

Thank u so much!

[Johny0687]

Bevee with all the respect but i think you haven't tryed the real anxiety...that real anxiety that dont leave you go to work or at the gym like you say... Becouse its following the depression and panic over there...but i like the teory for people who have just some light anxiety symptoms...but for a lot of other people its much harder and to do that cant change anything at all..

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Johny0687]

I feel I'm in the same boat I have accepted I have anxiety I know my panic attacks are anxiety but accepting it sure doesn't lessen it any, I have a hard time doing everyday things I'm not working because of the dizziness, nausea diarrhea it's not fun as much as I accept it, it hasn't stopped It! I hope this does work for some but I'm not a robot I can't just flick a switch and shut this off otherwise we would all be fabulous

[Beevee in reply to Wyominganxiety]

You are right, you can’t flick a switch to make it go away. Acceptance does not work straight away. Anxiety is an illness of the nerves caused by stress or a series of stressors. Recovery is a physiological process, just the same as recovery from an injury. People stay stuck in the anxiety cycle because they keeping picking at the open wound that is anxiety. They don’t leave it alone long enough for the wound to heal. By leaving it alone, I mean allowing themselves to feel all the symptoms of anxiety which are the body’s way of saying ‘I need a rest’ but they don’t let their mind and body rest because they keep fighting the symptoms. It takes time for your sensitised nerves to de-sensitise.

All I know is that acceptance worked for me and many others. It’s not a special gift. Anyone can recover. They just need to fully and unequivocally accept the symptoms without resistance and move forward with their lives. I only followed the advice contained in the books written by Dr Claire Weekes. It takes time to learn to fully accept and even then, results are not instantaneous. You have to persevere and keep faith but recovery will come, slowly but surely as nature intends. We are all built the same way as human beings which means the natural healing process is the same that De-sensitises the nerves that produce the symptoms of anxiety.

[Beevee in reply to Johny0687]

Johny0687. Acceptance will cure all forms of anxiety, no matter how severe the symptoms might be. I only know too well about what you refer to as real anxiety and how crippling it can be. I don’t know how severe my symptoms were compared to another sufferer. All I know is that I found it extremely difficult to function due to fear running through my mind and body, all day, every day for a long time. No matter what I did or where I went, it followed me everywhere. I had no safe places where I could hide from it. My life felt such a struggle with fearful thoughts and feelings sabotaging the simplest of things a normal person would take for granted and without giving them a second thought. I couldn’t sleep, holding down a job and being there for my kids was even tougher. Some might label it as a prolonged nervous breakdown. All I know is that It was a living nightmare and something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy ( I don’t have any). I then read a book by Dr Claire Weekes and slowly got my life back.

I have always said that the way to recover is easy (face, accept, float past and let time pass) but actually putting it into practice while the anxiety fires are burning fiercely is very hard, but not impossible. If you haven’t already done so, I strongly recommend you read the books written by Dr Claire Weekes. Then read it again and again until you fully understand what you need to do and apply the knowledge.

[jessiejakes in reply to Beevee]

Hi I totally agree with you on the subject of anxiety.I had severe anxiety and had all the symptoms that went with it.I read Dr Claire weekes book and went to see my doctor and asked for some help,I was given diazepam 2 mg to help with some of the debilitating symptoms ,as I live on my own.I excepted it was anxiety and put in to practise Dr weekes accepting.by this I mean I still went out to get shopping,and went to work ,it wasn't easy but I carried on repeating to myself accept and gradually I started to reduce the diazepam slowly over 3 weeks by this time I was feeling more confident and by accepting the symptoms started to diminish day by day.I recently went to Spain for a 2 week holiday and had a great relaxing holiday.so I am living proof it does work you need to carry on no matter how bad you feel time and accepting is the answer.

[Francesca61]

Beevee, you're amazing!!!

[Beevee in reply to Francesca61]

Kind words Francesca, thank you 🙂 Recovery is not limited to superheroes with super human powers. Anyone can recover if they know how. It requires a good understanding of anxiety and using that knowledge to adopt a different attitude towards the symptoms by replacing fear of them with curiosity and letting them wash over you without doing anything to stop yourself from feeling the anxiety. Doing nothing about it works.