So proud of myself.

[Willose]

Just needed to tell someone about my achievement.

I have quite bad anxiety and panic disorder and it affects every hour of every day. I was told i have a fear of fear! Go figure. When i know i shouldnt faint , i feel so dizzy and everything starts spinning. When i know i can't get to a toilet i'm busting for a wee to the point of my body clenched tightly not being able to walk. My mind is playing silly s**s with me.

I was letting it win by stopping me doing what i used to do. My main issue is driving other people about because of the dizzy thing and not being able to faint when driving, and thats not helpful when you have two children. I used, and still do use, every excuse why i cant drive them somewhere. But the guilt got too much. I dont want to let the years go by regretting not spending as much time as i could with them because i cant take them anywhere. Something as simple as taking my eldest to town to get some new clothes. He never asks for anything. He knows i struggle but obviously it's hard to explain to to someone else let alone a 16 year old, so he doesn't realise how much of a struggling battle it is just to drive him to school. And as for both of them in the car together....well we wont even think about that now.

ANYWAY. I did it. i took the eldest one to the town. 20 minute drive. Walked around the shops buying clothes and drove home. To say i was pleased with myself is an understatement...how stupid lol. Yesterday i drove the eldest one to the youngest ones sports day at school then drove them both home (ten minutes either way). But now my problem is. I thought it was supposed to get better when you realise theres nothing to fear. but i still feel the same fear, anxiety and dread as i did last week. I'm fine in the car on my own so i make them be quite and read a book or something lol. Poor, poor children!

Sorry for rambling but i was so pleased. I felt like a normal mum.

[DizzyGrl]

Way to go!!! I'm very proud of your accomplishment! As with riding a bike, it takes practice to make perfect. Baby steps will get you there!

[Angep Star]

Aww that's fantastic😃You should be really proud of yourself. It's an amazing feeling when your strong enough to fight it. That's made me smile reading your post 👍X

[Agora1]

Willose, isn't it a liberating feeling? Celebrate each small achievement and they will grow into leaps and bounds. I'm at the same stage as you right now. From going to doctor appointments for myself to taking my daughter for her appointments as well. And yes, I do still get hesitate before I go somewhere, but once in the car, I seem to be better. I too don't like a lot of chit chat because all my energy is just in getting out. Most people do this without thinking, for us, it's a big step forward. Be proud, you are an awesome mom. xx

[Hidden]

Congratulations! It's not easy to tackle your fears and I have a lot of the same fears. It won't go away over night, but actions like this will lessen it bit by bit until it no longer affects you

[Oliveira42970]

Congrats good for you

[Agora1 in reply to Oliveira42970]

Hi Oliveira, haven't seen you on for a while unless I'm missing it. How have you been doing? x

[Oliveira42970 in reply to Agora1]

I've been ok trying to cope some good and some bad days the fear of something terrible happening sneaks up on me was ok today now time for bed and it's back my jaw feels like a dull pain and also my teeth debating to take a Xanax to relax maybe it's tmj. How about you how are you doing

[Agora1 in reply to Oliveira42970]

I'm okay. Try to relax and get a good night's sleep.

Talk to you tomorrow.... Goodnight

[Willose]

Thank you everyone. It means alot xxx

It really is a constant struggle isnt it. I'm so glad i found this forum. None of my nearest and dearest understand. I dont blame them, i dont think id understand if it wasnt happening to me.