Prison

[Lookingforhope20100]

I'm seriously running out of titles but on with my problem... I live in a prison, my ex and I still live together for the sake of my kid. But lately he's being very controlling. He tells me what to do when to do but not how he wants it done. I'm not allowed out of the house after 6 unless it's for work, and I have to deep clean like everyday or I get yelled at and with yelling being a PTSD trigger I tend to avoid it. I never get time to myself, or help with me kid, and if I spend money on things he doesn't approve of oh help me God there is hell to pay. I lie to him a lot so I can have a few moments to breathe. But then I normally get caught and yelled at. I ask him for anything and it's no. He broke my car and expects me to fix it! But even in prison there is hope I met a friend a good friend and they promised to help me get away we call it a prison break, Haha, I just don't know what to do anymore.

[LoveforAll41]

Lookingforhope, I am glad that you have found a bit of hope in all of this. I understand financial stuff is very very hard... I wish I had a fix for that. I understand that would feel incredibly hopeless and like being trapped in a prison. Feeling trapped/hopeless are I think the hardest emotions that we can feel. I would encourage you to see if you can find a way to get that physical freedom and whether it really is best for your kid if you live together if you are not happy. I think kids can learn a lot about resilience and growth if they see us looking for peace and happiness in life. I wish you peace, hope, and strength in your journey. ☮️I think you will have the best info on how to proceed inside yourself.

[hypercat54]

You do realise its much worse for your child to live in this sort of atmosphere than it would be with just 1 happy parent don't you? Goodness knows what s/he is absorbing here as kids are very perceptive.

Get out asap - if not for your sake then for his/hers

[Dolphin14 in reply to hypercat54]

I was going to say the same thing

Brilliant hyper

❤️🐬

[hypercat54 in reply to Dolphin14]

Ta very much chuck. xx 💗😽

[Tui48]

Get out of there as fast as you can. He will not change.

[catsrock in reply to Tui48]

Exactly what I was thinking. I'm very sorry she is going through this, but run! This is abusive, controlling behavior.

[Kinlay]

LEAVE. This is abusive behavior and you do NOT want your child to witness or experience it.

I have been there. I left for the child's sake. I was only the stepmother, and I lost her, but I showed her that a woman should NOT accept that treatment. Even though it broke my heart, I still know it was the right choice - as he was breaking me.

Find a local women's shelter - there are a LOT out there. Two numbers to call to see if they can help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Hotline: [phone] – 7233

Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week via phone and online chat.

Even though you don't mention violence, many abusers work up to it. You can still ask them about local resources and next steps.

Womens Law

Email hotline: hotline.womenslaw.org/

The WomensLaw online helpline provides basic legal information, referrals, and emotional support for victims of abuse.

Find out if there are any resources in your area that may help.

Value yourself. Start taking steps ASAP. For your sake AND your child's. Sending positive thoughts, hope and prayers for you to find your way out of this. <3

[PoseyLane in reply to Kinlay]

Wow, good information. I am glad you had those phone numbers and link.

[bethelbee]

Please get out of that situation as quickly as possible! It is not healthy for a child to be in that environment, or you! You are being emotionally abused. Kinlay gave some good advice with links for help. Hope all works out for you and your child! Please keep us posted.

[Wildchipmunk]

What..is this man a prison-guard wanna-be or something? For the sake of your child, for your sake, you must get out of there! Now!! Let the idiot find someone else to bully. You must go to a social services place or the local health department or even a police station to get some phone numbers of resources for you guys. Even if you have to stay in a shelter for a short time, it'll be worth it to begin a new life of freedom for you and your child. I wish you the best of luck!!

[PoseyLane]

You said you stay for the sake of your child. Do you mean you don't have money to leave? I am in a similar boat - I don't have a child, but I am married. When my husband and I started having marital problems, we went to counseling, and he didn't do the work the counselor asked of him. He wouldn't take accountability for his mistakes. He started getting frustrated because my MDD and PTSD became a problem, which stopped me from working. So things would be going ok, then he would cycle into being angry, not being around, lying- then it cycled back to OK and around and around we go. My MDD and PTSD have become worse because of it. I was hospitalized because of it - the stress sent me over the edgeThis has been going on for years. So I have no money, no family, etc... My therapist said this is abuse. It is subtle abuse, but abuse. Do you know that your boyfriend is blatantly abusing you? Can you leave? It isn't good for your child either. It sounds scary, and I would get out of there. If he lays a hand on you, you need to get out, especially because of your kid. I don't know where you live - if you live in the U.S., especially because you have a kid, there are places that will help you get out safely. I know it is hard to leave, but please be safe.

[Teaching]

I wish you luck 🤞. Prayers for you. I quite understand what it means to live in a prison.

[Midori]

Hi there,

Not a good thing to stay with a controlling partner, especially when there is a child involved, as the little ears will pick up and reflect back bad habits. They can normalise and justify the abuser's habits, and later act towards their partner in the same way.

In my case I escaped with my children, who were still very young ( Under School age) and went to a refuge, where I was helped to obtain an injunction against him, while I investigated a divorce.

It wasn't very easy, but the help the Refuge workers provided gave me the strength.

This was 34 years ago, and the man is now beyond everything.

It has taken me a long time to get to a stable mind set, but I had to do it for the kids, and I will help all I can.

Cheers, Midori