felling lost

I broke down today and told my father in-law that I have been thinking about driving my car off a bridge. I've never had a family that cares about me or where I can just speak and not be scared. My mom always told me I was the unwanted child, and I was the last thing on her mind. From a young age I took care of myself and hid in the background. I'm scared of almost everything. But it felt nice being able to have a father figure who listens and didn't judge me. My point is how do I allow myself to open up to the few people that actually care.

[litethatnevergoesout]

keep telling them, it’s ok to be vulnerable to the ones that care about us. their love and care will strengthen you and your bond with them.

[Hidden in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

thank you I will keep trying with them. I was always told to stay quiet, and that emotions are weakness.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to Hidden]

that’s just bad programming. I’m sorry that’s what you were told and expected from you. you are brave, learning how to open up takes strength and courage.

[Existing]

Oh my gosh, that's huge! And you must feel so warm inside. Im really happy you have been able to experience this, and to share it here. ♥️

[Existing]

Teallife, I want to add a word of caution, without wanting to sound negative. I don't know the nature of your relationship, how close and how long you've known them. Guessing this means your husbands dad? I'm not asking for personal details. Here's my immediate thought: what you shared is about wanting to end your life, and many people would find that alarming and a sign that you are desperately reaching out for help. It's hard to say how that felt when your father in law heard that. Many people are terrified , and sometimes feel inadequate to deal with that serious burden. It's important that you can feel safe sharing that kind of serious information, but it's important to understand that he is able to be open and honest about hearing that. Was there any assurance that you are not actually planning to act on that, or can you ask him how that made made him feel? He likely feels like he has to do something to make sure you don't die.This is the important part: he may call authorities asking what to do, and they will certainly send police or first responders out unannounced, and because you clearly mentioned wanting to kill yourself, they are obligated to place you on an involuntary hold at the hospital. This has been an extremely traumatizing experience that so many of us have been through, and I really want you to avoid that.

I hope you can reach out to your father in law again, and be direct in following up on what you shared, opening up about your feelings and your pain, and be honest if you need help. Let him know how he can help you, if he can call the 988 crisis line, or help you call and talk to them. Ask him what's he's thinking, how he feels, it's important that misunderstandings don't lead to panic and bad outcomes.

So, please, can you try to do this? It's important that you get the help you need in a caring and supportive way, not by force or against your will.♥️

[Hidden in reply to Existing]

him and I sat for hours, and he knows its just thoughts in my head nothing I'm going to act on.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to Existing]

I don’t think anyone can take driving off a bridge as being serious in a way of communicating you are honestly thinking about ending things. it’s not even possible given the laws of automotive physics the modern age of bridge engineering.

even saying you feel like jumping off a bridge/cliff is a figure of speech, along with other innumerable radical ways of expressing high emotions that translate in to not causing alarm so you are able to get difficult things off of your chest with someone.

I understand your point of concern, saying you’re going to drive off a bridge is not ‘clearly mentioning you want to kill yourself’.

[LadyZen]

Truthfully, I'm guarded about the things I open up to people about. I've only been open with my therapists because they knew how to respond in ways that were more helpful than hurtful. I will turn to people for support as needed, but I try to rely on them in ways they are able to support me, not necessarily in ways I need them to support. That I've saved for therapy.