Keep freezing when wife has anxiety attacks.

[BasilAZ]

Since having our 5 y/o daughter, wife's anxiety has increased dramatically. For the first 4ish years she'd direct her anger towards me. That was hard as of often struggle with feelings of not being good enough in life anyway. I'm now on ADD, anti-depression and anti-anxiety meds, doing better. To my dismay, she refuses to medicate, citing family history of addiction and negative experiences with western medicine professionals. I feel deep down I still harbor resentments from past things she's said and lingering effects on my child (who I adore more than anything in this world)

As a business owner, she fills her schedule to the max, leaving little time for herself, squeezing out a more time to be with her daughter... eventually me. I'm left feeling neglected.

She says I'm an awesome parent and partner, but they just seem to be words, and my heart feels unchanged, even though I do believe her words are sincere.

After several years of counseling (and morning practices) she's improved but I still often freeze during her episodes. Things were so bad that we started to divorce last year but after I started attending a church, found a men's group and started working on my faith, things improved dramatically.

I really do want to learn and be IN ACTION to support her better, but it just feels like I get caught in a downward spiral during the whole experience... Sometimes (maybe 1-5), I'm able to offer humor or remember the things to do to lift her (and us) out of the hole (like hugging, words of encouragement, etc.), but I just can't seem to remember in the moment to do them.

We both hate the damage this has done to our daughter, marriage and my own sense of self. She's an amazing person - I so miss the blissful times of our connected hearts we had before becoming parents.

I have ADD and our relationship improved once we joined and attended several sessions from add.org, helping us better understand the partner dynamics related to the condition. She's said it helped her better understand ADD and de-personalize my behaviors, thus helping her reduce her judgement of me and my actions.

I soooo wish I could be light hearted, loving and MORE supportive during her episodes. I LOVE her and desperately need a way to change the course, before I myself have to bow out of this relationship for self-preservation.

Having just joined ADAA today, I'm still exploring what's available for supporting me. Any ideas or suggestions greatly appreciated.

Thanks you

[Shnookie]

I have ADHD and understand the challenges it poses. Please call CHAD - they’re an organization based in Maryland. They can give you sources to help you with your ADD. They’re also ADD life coaches.

[jackiesj]

Do you believe it was post partum not caught.For 3 years i was in a spiral after the birth of my children. i remember being angry at my spouse(loved my babes) but knew my husband father of my children went freely on his way and didnt understand or take initiative to be with the children or give me respite. Selfish maybe but real.imbalances of hormones etc alot come in.If the physical isnt addressed the mental doesnt take hold. go 4 days no sleep irregular eating etc.Sometimes its not a label it is action that is needed.life coaches are great.I now see...that back in the day....understanding is key, education, not cuddle missing etc...My doctor said...remember we are PRACTING physicians practising on the patient. so labels may be messed up.at least he was honest.