A hard lesson for me.

[Stippler]

In February, my best friend of 19 years died. For anonymity reasons, I will just call him John here. While John was alive, I took many people in my life for granted. I was very harsh and judgmental of them, breaking off contact with them for the silliest reasons. In short, I was a major jerk who had yet to realize how precious each of these people were. One by one, there were fewer and fewer of them, and I was glad to be rid of them. I had all I needed, I thought. But when my best friend John died, I realized something he had always tried to tell me. Maybe we are all here to forgive and show unconditional love for everybody in our lives. It hurts bad to not be able to talk to John anymore. I can't have him making fun of me anymore like he did. His sense of humor was so compatible with mine. We laughed at each other like crazy. we were always poking fun at each other. He also got mad at me a lot. I loved him because I always knew what he was thinking, and he wasn't afraid to call me on my BS. In doing so, he made me aware of ways I could do better with my life. Not many other people have done that with me. I am tearing up just writing this. It hurts losing him. In my grief and loneliness, I am now seeing the need to get back in touch with those who I rejected. They mostly have been glad to hear from me. I never realized how much I needed them until now. To turn away a friend because they don't "measure up" to my standards is petty, superficial and childish. Even John tried to get this through to me, but I didn't listen. Lucky for me, these people have been more forgiving to me than I ever was to them. I hope I have learned what John tried to tell me, and that I can now be as good of a friend to these people as they wanted to be to me. It is an important lesson. A good friend is not easy to find, and they should never be taken for granted.