Vulnerable. Santimental. Intrusive thoughts. Family gatherings

[Against_the_current]

So it was Easter here, i went to Grandma's house with mom and sis. It was an emotional rollercoaster. I didn't write because i was told i write too much negative posts, and i lost what i was going to say. Things have shades nothing is positive or negative. Anyway i got there and was really panicing. Family, childhood memories, my Coisin's baby. But i kept it together. I didn't show anxiety. I didn't complain. I was really anxious and i was going to take a pill but then i went to cuddle my sister and it helped much more. Same with today - hugged granma and mom and my in law and felt better. And now i miss them. I'm back to my accomodation because at wednesday i will do a bit volunteering on my project (Mind the Mind by EFPSA, i will be giving a mental health presentation on wednesday to talk with people for the importance of meantal health and against the stigma and spread information and education). Also i'm writing homeworks and stuff for 2 uni contests. But i have these thoughts - what if sis misses me and grows up without me? I miss her so much. I even miss mom too. And the other thought - what if sis doesn't want me back? What if mom and sis feel better without me? What if sis doesn't want me? And i got back here, my roommate's mom is here and they two have occupied everything. Finally i was able to do laundry and shower. Lot of work here. Feeling so overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings. And nobody to hug me. And questions in my head like where to be. I don't feel well nowhere. Here im able to do something instead of panic about mom but so much people and new places. I'm social phobic and agoraphobic. And my roommate's mom is still here. My roommate asked me for help with her homework and i started helping her and she said "no, no, no, you're appearing too smart in front of my mother, she will think i'm dumb" and i was like "okay, what do you want😅" and then went to do laundry and shower and clean and sort my luggage l. I'm having these busy fast thoughts to distract or idk. My mind is in convulsion, jumping around, rolling on the floor. I can't breathe. I'm wondering whether it's anxiety or an allergy because i really can't breathe. I'm overwhelmed. My jaw and head hurt. I realize i'm in anxiety response

[tofler]

Sounds like you’ve done really well to cope with everything this weekend but that anxiety is taking over now with all these racing thoughts etc. What are the things that help to calm you down, I think you mentioned once before that going for a walk is one of the things that helps?

[Against_the_current in reply to tofler]

Thank you. Really needed to hear this. Well yeah walks. But i had so much to do and it got dark. Helps to stay in my room and play something on the background while looking at my phone. Just need some alone time to calm down. P. S. Was doing laundry anxious and i made a flood and for 1 week i messed the walls and the washing mashine 🤦‍♀️

[tofler in reply to Against_the_current]

Sorry to hear about the flood and the problem wit the washing machine. I hope you managed to get it sorted out so that you can spend some time relaxing in your room now.

[Against_the_current in reply to tofler]

Thank you! It got a bit better but i have to do the laundry again and i'm worried because it's night and someone might complain

[tofler in reply to Against_the_current]

Is there any way you can leave your laundry till tomorrow morning and do it again then instead? It might be less of a worry for you then.

[Against_the_current in reply to tofler]

Just did it

[tofler in reply to Against_the_current]

Well done!

[MaggieSylvie]

Who told you you write too many negative posts? What you write online should be between you and whoever is reading online - not people looking over your shoulder.

As for people at home missing you, missing someone is a good thing. You are still at home with your mum and sister in spirit, and are sure to welcome you back. I see you have got "replacements" now - your roommate and her mother. It's just that they are not very considerate people to live with - very demanding and taking without giving back. Hopefully, your roommate's mum will not be there for much longer. It sounds as if your roommate lacks a lot of confidence. Does she know you are suffering?

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Thanks, i needed to hear this. And actually my roommate is too confident and she knows but finds it annoying. Also ppl here have told me i write too much negative awful posts

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

What, do you mean - ppl on this forum? or people where you are at the moment? Your roommate may appear confident but, if that is the case, why is she asking for your help? Or is it that she was looking for something to blame you for (making her look dumb in front of her mother). If you read others' posts here, you will find plenty of negativity - it is what it is, as they say. Or are you more negative than anyone else? 😜

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Hmm yeah

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

🙂