I feel like a loser

[Expo123]

I'm so tired of having to fight depression and anxiety. My whole life it's been this way. I feel better for a time and then I can just feel myself sinking. I was already having a bad day today but now feel even worse. I just had a Zoom meeting for work and I'm sure I made a complete fool of myself. I live in a city that's both French and English speaking. The majority is French however and I've always had a hard time picking up the language as well as I wish I could. The meeting was with two people from another company who all spoke in French, and my co-worker is also fluent in French. I do speak the language but make a lot of mistakes and forget my words when I get nervous. What made it even more embarrassing is that I have a very French sounding name so I think everyone was surprised when they heard me speak with an accent. I think I gave the wrong answers to some questions because I was nervous, even more embarrassing because my co-worker asked me to join the meeting because I've been at this company a lot longer and am supposed to be more knowledgeable about certain things . The minute the meeting was over and I disconnected, I started to cry. I feel so stupid. I wish I could go to bed and pull the covers over my head.

[1947treble]

There is no way to determine how you looked or sounded during the zoom call. The best thing to do is to let it go and move on with your day. There is the option to dwell on it and build up your anxious emotions about it all day, or to just put the most optimistic perspective you can on it and turn your attention to what else you currently are doing or looking forward to. If you weren't speaking well, that doesn't mean anyone took offense or disliked you, it may not be the end of the world. Take a few relaxing breaths and try to think about other things for awhile.

[JeezLouise in reply to 1947treble]

The others probably figured out that French is not your 1st language and I would be surprised if anyone would have a problem with that. Hang in there and feel better soon!

[Hidden]

I completely understand how you feel. I am here to support you and offer strength and compassion. I just started a new job and because of all the things going on in my life I'm drained and distracted, making it difficult to focus. The employees I work with think I'm slow or something, making me feel stupid. I hope my little story helps you.

[Expo123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It definitely helps me to feel less alone. I admire you for having the strength to work in the office, particularly when you are going through a hard time. I'm just working remotely now and even that is stressful for me. Do you ever wonder if your co-workers really think those things about you or if you are projecting your own feelings about yourself onto them? I wonder that sometimes when I'm in these sorts of situations.

[Hidden in reply to Expo123]

Yes I do wonder if I'm projecting my feelings. I really don't have much confidence, because of all the terrible decisions I've made lately.I would say keep strong and be positive. We can support each other.

[Expo123 in reply to Hidden]

I can very much relate to that. Confidence has always been an issue for me and I'm now paying the price for not having had the courage to go after a lot of the things I wanted when I was younger (all because I didn't think I was smart enough, pretty enough ... anything enough). I'm sorry you're going through a hard time right now and that you're feeling like you've made terrible decisions. Feel free to message me any time you need a bit of support.