If you've been feeding your anxiety by fighting it and getting nowhere try doing the exact opposite. Stop fighting. Agree to co-exist with the symptoms of your anxiety. Accept them. Not forever, of course. God forbid you should feel like this forever. But just for the moment, for the time being. I'll tell you why.
Fighting causes nervous tension and stress. Your nerves need LESS of that not MORE.
If you react to anxiety with more stress, tension and anxiety then you add more sensitisation to your already over sensitised nervous system. Your adrenal glands sense anxiety and suppose you are in danger so they flood your body with adrenaline and cortisol to give you more energy for fight or flight.
But you aren't about to do fight or flight - so these hormones of fear just hung around making you feel wretched and even more panicky.
So what if you do the EXACT OPPOSITE? Instead of frightening yourself half to death every few minutes and fighting the bad feelings you simply agree to accept them for a while?
Accept that the strange feelings are here to stay for the time being. O.K. you're going to feel uncomfortable but isn't it worth it to free yourself of anxiety once and forever? Because when you stop bombarding your nervous system with fear hormones your over sensitised nerves begin to recover. And when they've fully recovered, anxiety levels drop to normal and you recover your quiet mind.
But for Acceptance to work it must be true acceptance and not just 'putting up with'. No looking at the clock every two minutes and asking 'How much longer?'. That's not accepting. The Acceptance method I suggest means framing your mind in such a way that you can say to yourself:
"O.K., I have high anxiety, I feel kinda panicky, and it's a horrible feeling. But I now know the nature of the beast.
"It's not going to kill me or disable me for life or send me crazy, anxiety doesn't have the power to do that.
"Isn't it worth accepting the feeling for as long as it takes to slay the dragon once and for all?"
If you're looking for an instant fix you'll have to look elsewhere. For Acceptance to work you have to 'LET TIME PASS'.
Your next feeling of high anxiety or panic attack gives you an opportunity to practice Acceptance. A chance to stop adding second fear to the flash of first fear. Because anxiety feeds on fear.
So join all the other fellow sufferers travelling hopefully along the Yellow Brick Road that leads to respite and recovery. And start claiming back your life.
Written by
Jeff1943
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Hi Jeff great post as always they’re so on point. Do you have any advice for handling jealous thoughts? I suffer with anxious worry and fear thoughts generally about all sorts of things but the hardest thoughts I find to deal with are when I see or speak to others, I’m obsessed with their minds constantly wishing I was like them.
For example I saw two good friends today while out walking and we stood chatting for about 20 mins but afterwards I just feel 100 times worse as al I can think about is how Normal they are, I wish I could be like them, why am I like this, why me, etc etc
I know it’s self pity and it’s unhelpful and pointless but those jealous envious thoughts make me feel so bad and low and the hardest to accept and live with.
JP26, you ask my advice on envious thoughts but I am no psychiatrist or therapist, I only pass on things I have learned through experience and of course the teachings of Doctor Claire Weekes as expressed in her book 'Self help for your nerves' first published in 1962. David Barlow, Emeritus Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry at Boston University, reckons that since publication that book has helped two million people recover from anxiety disorder.
What you describe is exaggerated jealousy of people who are not burdened with high anxiety. Weekes tells us that when our nervous system becomes over sensitised by stress it magnifies normal levels of concern and negative emotions ten fold. Muscular pain becomes heart failure, general aches become tumours and a new boss is bound to fire us.
I think your exaggerated jealousy of 'normal' people is another example of this: the slight regret that you do not share their apparent good mental health that is to be expected becomes exaggerated ten fold into distress and obsession. It has become another symptom of anxiety disorder. When the anxiety disorder passes the exaggerated feeling of jealousy will yield.
So how do you free yourself of this obsession? You treat it just like all the other symptoms of anxiety: you accept it for the time being. You now have an understanding of the beast and the reassurance of its limitations. You know it is a temporary affliction that will pass when your over sensitised nervous system returns to normal. This happy state is achieved by not fighting the feeling, not adding second fear to the flash of first fear and genuinely agreeing to co-exist with the exaggerated response for the moment.
My brief description here is NOT enough to guide you towards recovery: you'll have to read Claire Weekes' book previously mentioned for that and then reread it until the right response becomes second nature.
I believe copies of Claire Weekes first book 'Self help for your nerves' aka 'Hope and help for your nerves' are available for a few pounds or dollars either new or used on Amazon and Ebay.
Thanks Jeff I do have the book self help and hope for your nerves, which I’ve read 2-3 times it’s just so hard to implement when those thoughts and feelings come with such force, it’s just the ‘how’ and putting into practice I’m falling down on, something in me instinctively fights and doesn’t want to accept.
I suppose in the end it's practice, practice, practice. Mind over matter. Maybe you only 'glimpse' acceptance for a few minutes a day to begin with, build on that. And of course...float! No one said it was easy but it's a lot easier than putting up with the symptoms of anxiety month after month.
Thanks Jeff I’m trying to practice accepting this instead of wallowing for a change, it’s very fleeting at present as you say but I’m trying to notice it and bring my self back to the present I guess that’s the floating part
Floating means carrying on and feeling like you are being carried forward by an invisible force without any need for effort on your behalf, like switching onto automatic pilot. She describes it better in her book.
Cellardoor, you will find it helpful if you first read Doctor Claire Weekes' first book 'Hope and help for your nerves' which explains far better her Acceptance method in simple terms. It can be bought new or used from Amazon or Ebay. I wish you every success with your recovery.
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