Late Night Thoughts

[Tbowler]

I’ve been in such a depressed mood lately. I just can’t seem to shake it. My wife is gone with my almost 3 year old son so during quarantine I’m stuck in the house, with my thoughts. The mind is an interesting and dangerous organ all in the same breath.

Yesterday, I called both my mother and father and advised them that I have unresolved resentment toward them for my childhood for lying to me about things.

I feel my wife is cheating on me although she denies it. I just can’t shake the feeling that she still is, and maybe my depression is due to that?

I am on Lexapro, gained close to 40 pounds and I associated the weight gain to the pills, but in reality I was drinking more than I have in the past because it was a way to shut up my mind. I stopped the pills cold turkey and now am back on them without alcohol, I’ve told myself that I don’t need it, and gave what was in my house to my friend. Now all I have is these thoughts that wake me in the middle of the night even with taking melatonin.

Just needed to get this noted and out of my head.

[Hidden]

Hi Tbowler,

You certainly have a lot going on my friend. I'm glad you were able to vent here and put your thoughts and feelings on the table. You are in a good place. We care. I agree that the mind especially when you're alone can run off and put or exacerbate powerful thoughts in your mind...first is there a friend to reach out to..support is key *1. Someone who is always there for you and you trust?

You have suspicious thoughts that your wife is cheating..have you talked with her about it or found some evidence or it's your gut feeling in the way she's acting?

I would definitely find a Therapist who you can connect with and sometimes that takes a few tries and that's okay & normal...seeking counsel would help you sort this all out in your life and support you in where to go from here.

This is a great place to come everyone is so helpful and supportive. My blessings 🙏

[Tbowler in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I really appreciate it.

I have a support system but I’d rather not talk to them due to biased opinions and being close friends.

I have an gut feeling as well as some evidence that is just too coincidental to not have some facts to it, but I have to tell myself to trust her after all she is my wife.

I have been seeing a therapist and they do help me with getting my feelings out, I just can’t seem to stay asleep all night without my mind waking me up and I’m just trying to keep my mind busy during the day to not think about it.

I have seen different posts and it is a lot of support so I think this is exactly what I needed for a support system to help me get out of the depression funk I’m in right now.

[Hidden in reply to Tbowler]

I have the same issue with sleep. No matter what I've tried including Melatonin, if I sleep I wake up with nightmares. I usually sleep 1-2 hours if that every night. My mind goes a million miles per hour zip lining from thought to thought and panic attacks then ensue. My Therapist got me on track with Meditation which has helped tremendously.

Do you think your medication is helping? Are you able to feel fully comfortable with your Therapist to open up completely?

As far as your friends I didn't clarify myself I meant to hang with and keep you busy certainly not to confide in. I learned that the hard way. Take pictures, videos anything in re to your wife's possible cheating. Maybe hire someone for good evidence if you choose to seek divorce. Also keep a notebook of your thoughts and gut feelings on what she's doing..hide it..good...women can sniff that stuff out..I'm sorry you're going through this. Better to know and make your choice to move on or work it out. That's for you and she to work out.

Getting back to sleep..a lovely young lady on this site told me about a book that helped with her anxiety and racing thoughts before sleep..and since library's here are closed I've ordered it from Amazon Prime. She said it helped her immensely so I'm giving it a shot. I'll get the name of it as I just ordered it.

Before bed a few ideas are to try and shut your brain down from technology. Cells and computers off..lower the lights..take a hot shower..read a bit..use YouTube for some Meditation. It's amazingly helpful as I had been very much into it and got out of it..now I made my other bedroom a relaxation room with lights strung through pillows, music with records and CD's and a tv to stream YouTube only. My dogs sit with me while I'm doing it.

Just some ideas..the book is called "Say Goodnight to Insomnia" by Greg Jacobs, PH.d. I'm usually a library frequent flyer as I live next door to one but I don't know when they'll open so I bought a used copy.

Please keep me posted as we are all here for you. ⚓