So today I went to counseling. I pointed out to my counselor that I didn’t want to be called depressed or be labeled for that matter. She got a bit defensive and told me that she is the professional and that she is trying to help. I felt like I was getting reprimanded like a child, BUT I could see her point.
I realized that I have to take hold of what’s really bothering me and pull it out like a annoying weed. So many years of numbing and justifying my bad behavior in the past.
I have been carrying around the guilt like a sack of potatoes that have been rotting and rotting. At the same time I wanted to make her understand that I am in a depressive state of mind and I don’t wanna have depression as a part of me and she said that it is a part of me. I disagree. I know that I was not created to be a sad person. Will I have storms? Yes. Do those storms define me as a person? No!
I kept feeling like something is wrong with me. Been going to doctors for the past 5 years. Always getting prescribed ssri’s. Never have taken them bc for me it’s like putting a bandaid on a broken leg. For as difficult and tormenting as it may feel, I have to allow myself to feel what I have pushed off and ignored for so so many years.
I owe it to my younger self. She was born to be free and full of joy. In my mind, I hold her hand and remind her that it’s OK. I will ALWAYS take care of her. And God is always on our side no matter what. 🌹💐🌷🌹🥀🌺🌸🌼🌻
How can you tell if it's your anxiety or intuition?
Acceptance
I am a shitty person 
Giving up
