Trying to keep my head up

[Starrlight]

I am feeling down and lost. So on edge and restless. Less than worthy. I know the lies depression and anxiety and bipolar give. And still it’s hard to believe any nice things about myself. I tend to blame and mistreat myself when in pain. As a kid I hated hugs when I was in pain. I guess it hurt more as it didn’t seem I deserved it.

I am using affirmations but I can’t seem to quite believe yet as if I have grown to be a different person who has no good qualities any longer. I feel like my strength is falling apart. I am tired of constantly trying to feel something other than what is.

I don’t know what I expect by sharing here. But thanks for reading.

[Stilltrying_]

Yes indeed it can be very difficult when in the midst of these things so believe that anything positive exists in the world. I know as I have been there myself. I don't have any words of wisdom except to say you are not alone and things can and do change with these illnesses. For no apparent reason (no obvious trigger) I started to feel better and positive about 2 months ago so I guess all I can say is keep on going and try to get your meds as best you can as it can make a big difference with bipolar in particular. Xx

[Starrlight in reply to Stilltrying_]

Stilltrying, thanks so much. Your post is full of hope. I’m glad you have been feeling better lately. I hope it keeps up.

I am going in to psychiatrist on the 14th. I’m thinking of taking a new supplement called Qualia. I need to ask my doc if it would be safe with current meds. I feel the meds I take now are not working but maybe things would be worse if I was off of them, it sucks that I don’t even know.

I am so upset that I may even welcome having mania if given the chance (although it can be devastating) simply because In it is a chance at no suffering like this.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Starrlight]

Yes I understand. Everyone likes the mania better than the depression but like you say it is extreme and can lead to it's own kind of problems! Hope you can get the meds sorted so you level out. Xx

[Starrlight in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you!!!!! I hope so. If I don’t try the supplement I don’t know what. I am not trusting meds and the side effects and I’m already on 4 meds.

[Want2BHappy3]

Hi Starr, here are kind things about you from just from what I've read,. Compassionate, caring, real, and tolerate. I'm sure there more... Those are traits I want in a friend.

Sounds like your having a bad day, Sorry to hear that😞 Try to be in TODAY ONLY TODAY. That's what I'm doing TODAY it's ALL we can Handel RIGHT???

I have a very dear friend who doesn't understand? She thinks bulling me is going to change me??? She keeps texting me things I could do? She doesn't have this problem...so how can she tell me what to do? I'm not replying anymore to her when it's about this. She's the kind of person who thinks she knows everything. She is a very smart person and has a BIG HEART. She just needs to THINK out of the box that things she has NOT experienced do exist. Take care, lll check on you later

[Starrlight in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Good advice to just be in today. And thanks for the compliments.

I feel like it’s more than a bad day and yes I could just be in this day, it’s just so difficult , trying.

oh defidently hard to try to get some to understand where they have not been, like your friend.

I really appreciate you and hope your day gets easier.

[Starrlight]

Tomorrow better be easier than today because I am at a point where I really need relief. The sensations rushing in my body are tormenting.