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[MadelynMae]

Today is my first day on here and I'm thankful I found a understanding and supportive community to be apart of . I am 23 and suffer from crippling anxiety and depression; I have been diagnosed as Bipolar. I thought that these were normal feelings most people experienced, but recently learned that my friends and family don't feel these ways as I do. After my recent diagnosis, I have been too hesitant to start any treatment. If any of you are willing, I'd love to know how you feel about your treatment..... I am afraid that it will change who I am overall as a person and that I will become even more numb to myself and my life than before. Forgive me, I know how ridiculous and silly I sound. I suppose I'm just afraid of change, and haven't had many positive experiences with receiving help from doctors for mental health. I have hit an all time low in my life, as I have isolated myself and lost touch with almost all of my friends, family members have cut me out of their life including my mother, and I am recently unemployed and struggling to stay positive and stand tall through this. I feel that I disassociate daily to disconnect from life as a whole, and that i self manipulate to repetitively put myself in many of the recurring situations of my life. I have come to the point to where I don't really know who I am anymore and can't recognize the woman that I've become, that scares me so much.

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador]

Welcome MadelynMae! Myself personally over my 10 year struggle of anxiety, panic disorder, and depression I have found medication extremely helpful. As well as therapy! I have a psychiatrist and a psychologist, I have seen several psychologists over the years as well. You just have to figure out what works best for you, as everyone is very different!

[20Voices]

Hi and welcome,

I suffer from anxiety and depression, do I hope that someone with experience of bipolar can help you with better information.

I was given antidepressants to help me, but I was reluctant to take them to start with. I was fortunate to have the help of a good doctor who had been very patient with me and understanding of my concerns.

I left that day promising to take the medication with an agreement from my doctor to arrange other therapies for me. A couple of weeks later when I went back to see how I was doing I was referred to a CBT program and after that with getting my medication sorted out I was referred for other treatments.

It is hard not knowing who you are, I was 45 when this all happened and found it scary as well because I did not recognize myself. I also don't have a job because I couldn't cope with work.

What I decided to do was to relearn who I am and not try to be the person I thought I was. So I am getting better by taking on the advise I have been given and also explore what works for me.

So I am looking at everything. I have revamped my nutrition and done that even although I have very little money and have been struggling with debt. I have found ways of exercising and building in relaxation and mindfulness to my exercising as well.

I have done the self destructive thing as well and still feel like I scupper my improvements at times as well, but I do know that I am far to tough on myself and that I am still working on.

I am still working on realizing that I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be respected.

I found that I didn't recognize myself because I was acting in a way I had never done so before and I was just so afraid and didn't understand why I was like I was.

It has not been an easy journey for me, but I know today I am so much better than I was. Although my doctor is really good I was referred to see a psychiatrist and that was an awful experience and didn't help. What has helped me is questioning everything to do with my treatment and even when I have felt worse because of the frustration of not getting answers I have continued to ask questions. A notepad and pen on hand at all times to write down questions or information has been one of the best tools I have had.

Learning to trust myself and believe in myself again has really helped to. I found that I did know who I truly was, but with all the voices in my head all the fuzziness and confusion I felt I had just lost myself in all the pain, hurt, anxiety and stress I was feeling.

You will find out who you are again by working through this. Keep asking questions and making sure you understand. I am a person who needs to know the details so I found resources to help me understand anxiety and depression and found places where I could do free online courses from reputable Universities to explain mental health. I also have methodically tried various exercises to help me with my stress and anxiety levels and have given these a good trial rather than just do the exercises once and decide it was not for me.

You will get there, you will remember who you are or even redefine who you are. Take things one day at a time, keep asking for help and ask questions here or chat on here when you need to. Try and find out what is available in your area. Find what things speak to you. I have playlists to help me be calm or lift my mood. I have inspirational quotes and positive statement to remind me of who I am and what I am working towards. My key statement is "Don't be so hard on yourself" and I have it written on notes that are in places where I see it in my house to remind me. I have it as the background on my mobile and when I need to I put sticky notes on my doors and fridge to remind me of other things I need to remember.

Sorry for the long reply, I tend to ramble on a bit at times.

I hope you find this helpful.

Take care.

[Telisha40]

I know how u feel i myself suffer with panic attacks anxiety and depression when anxiety bad your going through alot and you do need medication i was like u never wanted to take anything i wanted to be in charge of my feelings and i was sensitive to meds but you have to weight out your odds youve tried everything so try some meds if you want to start out on very low doses tell your doctor you dont wanna be heavily medicated but you want low doses if u feel depressed still get out the bed download games on your phone keep telling yourself this to shall pass and it will go outside ge fresh air dont no u are not alone

[Antich in reply to Telisha40]

Amazing, 20 voices. You are a courageous miracle. What a wonderfully expressed experience. You are the voice of honesty and encouragement. That is exactly how this is supposed to work, I believe. We share our experiences and because they are similar, we help each other. Keep up the great work. Mental health is ongoing, a work in progess type of thing. I wish I could say I'm healed but not gonna happen. I just find relief from the symptoms by typing on here and taking care of myself. Thanks

[Telisha40 in reply to Antich]

Yes sometimes we need to talk to someone who ls going through the same thing who understands cause talking to someone who dont have it think we can just snap out of it so i find it helpful for me also i like to give encouranging words i go through it i have good days and bad but once again ive got through the bad days and learn to appreciate all my good ones