Still thinking about death and worrying lots is this depression?

[laurakingsurrey]

My stepdad recently died of cancer and now I can't get over that I will one day die. My mind fast forwards to the moment and I feel anxious and almost like life is pointless I feel very hopeless as I can't control it. Is this depression? I feel like there's nothing to look forward too.

[Sclarkstone]

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing someone close to you is always difficult. It's good that you reached out and are willing to talk. What do you believe happens after we pass away?

[laurakingsurrey in reply to Sclarkstone]

I really want to think we go somewhere or come back as someone else but I do sort of think it will be nothingness like being asleep forever that makes me very anxious despite only being 28 just feel gutted for my stepdad. What do you think happens? X

[BonnieSue]

You sound like you have both depression and anxiety. Where you have one, you have the other sooner or later. Have you seen a doctor or are you not going that route? I have a list of about 25 non-drug resources that people on this site have found useful for their anxiety, mostly, and a few for their depression also. I'll print it here if you want it.

Mostly I wish you well and be assured I know how very bad you can feel with both depression and anxiety and I wish you good health and freedom from both of these nasty illnesses and I'm willing to help you and be a listener if that's what you need or to answer questions if that's what you want or whatever you desire! So vent if you want and I'll listen, ok? Your choice!

[laurakingsurrey in reply to BonnieSue]

I've seen a doctor and started on citlopram been 4 days. I just think about death and the end a lot gets me down. Feel like the joy from life has gone. I have your list thank you I found it elsewhere on here. Unfortunately it doesn't help with my negative thoughts which hopefully is the depression which I can manage x thank you both

[BonnieSue in reply to laurakingsurrey]

So it could take as long as 6 weeks to fully feel the help from the citalopram, but you'll notice you feel somewhat better in about 2-3 weeks. Any side effects will be felt about now but aren't worth struggling with to get hemmed down any.

Idk if this helps you any, but I am totally comfortable with and believe the concept that a person's soul lives forever. That the essence of you and what makes you uniquely you isn't lost at death but is eternal. I strive to accomplish being ready to meet my maker face to face when I die. And it's a wonderful goal to look forward to! What an awesome end to my life! The beginning of a life so wonderful and quiet and lovely. And also, think of this...heaven will be a lot of what you want it to be..so if you like restless and searching and exploring vs. the activities of merim8ne3, we'll loan it to you.

[BonnieSue in reply to laurakingsurrey]

Do you know that the citalopram is an antidepressant? You sound like you want to handle the depression yourself, but you're on an antidepressant medication. It will also help with the anxiety but it's not strictly anti-anxiety medicine and there are other choices if this doesn't do it.

[Natsteveo]

Aww honey you sound just like me im so the same mine started wen i lost my mum i have the biggest fear of dying now every pain i have i assume im dying of what she died of.my mind races on it all the time i got diagnosed with health anxiety depression and ptsd through the trauma of seeing my mum die.so all u are feeling i totally understand where your coming from i live it too and so does alot of ppl on here.it is normal to be feeling scared think we only scared because its unknown but believe me when i say you are not alone.im on venlafaxine but a quite big dosage im glad because its helped me in the last 48 hours put it that way.here if u need a chat

[Hidden]

I'm very sorry that your step-dad died - how awful for you and your family. I think you are definitely experiencing grief and may want to speak to a counselor about it. After my mom died, I also slipped into a deep depression, and from what you say - the lack of hope, the worrying about death, there are also signs that you may be depressed. This is more likely to happen when you do not eat, lose interest in things that you once loved (maybe it seems like being happy or enjoying something is wrong because your stepdad is gone). A counselor can certainly help you talk through the really hard things that might be too difficult to share with your family or friends. Sending good thoughts and praying for you. - Beth

[Icanbeathis2016]

Hello to you. Just reaching out to people that I can relate to on the forum. I haven't posted recently kn the forum but I still check others posts often. I hope things have been getting better for you over these past few years since you've last posted. I too share in the same fear and have decided to try to conquer or accept what I cant change. If you still have these struggles from time to time I'd like to share my broadcast endeavor with you. I wish us the best.😊

youtu.be/kReK2k5cSCw(Not working as expected?)

[laurakingsurrey]

Hi, thank you for the comment Icanbeathis - well things are better I guess my mind moved on a little. Anxiety at it's worse can really dwell on things like death and although it is still not nice thing to think about I guess life carried on and I eventually re joined it. If someone close to me died again of a traumatic nature (like watching someone die) I have no doubt that the anxiety and thoughts that I am prone to will come back. My advice is to let the thoughts float, don't fight them or reason with them just let them be, eat well, exercise and be kind to yourself. x