Dementia is the rapist of minds, the grim reaper that obliterates the mind and shreds and tears away at their souls breaking their own hearts devastingly as they watch with their eyes outwardly and inwardly themselves being destroyed unable to stop it. Silent prisoners screaming inside held down, suppressed, muted, held hostage, seeing the things they are doing and unable to stop themselves as the rapist grim reaper is in control, they stare in the mirror so frighten and trapped, screaming silently insides, brief glimpses of flagging faultering lucidity prevail just to taunt those inflicted even further. They are watching themselves smothered and encased into depravity, they know it is happening, look at the fear, helplessness and blank fearful destitution in their eyes, them knowing nobody can help them, nobody can save them, nobody can remove it. They are watching themselves eaten slowly slowly alive from the inside until death, death they know awaits in the most torturous cruel way. They know there is going to be no gentle happy retirement or gentle happy ending for them. Just prisoners until death cruely engulfs and takes them like being buried alive.Dementia strips away the person they held themselves to be with them repressing certain aspects of their own characters they never liked or wanted seen, all past hurts, upsets, anguishes, heartbreaks, sadness, tears, woes, fears, angers suppressed as we all do in normal life, are with dementia and alzheimer's revealed, all those happy memories stripped away, what is left is the person they truly always felt/were inside revealed rawly in anguish, and if enough happiness in the persons life didn't happen prior to the invasion and rape of their minds, then only angers, fears, heartbreaks, upsets, tears and hurts remain to be relived over and over and over in confusion and exhaustion as if only just happened. Any previously suppressed (or not suppressed) jealousy/envy/spiteful/hateful or aggressive traits now come to the forfront. The suffer has been uncontrollably stripped naked and everything they ever suppressed becomes stronger and out of their control, they can only watch in fear and confuusion. Previously they never lashed out or said mean or hateful thing, nor showed jealously, envy, greed, aggression, they controlled themselves and suppressed those negative characteristics/trait (we all have them, we most all control, suppress, silence them with our rationality) but now their control and rationality is gone, and what is left is all they ever suppressed and it is left with them irrationally so on repeat whilst they stare out with their eyes that retain this is not them, this is not how they want to be, nor is not what they want to do, nor is not what they want to say, but their control and rationality is slowly slowly rapet, being consumed inwardly, taken and destroyed before their helpless to stop it eyes, their eyes that watch their own bodies doing actions they cannot prevent, or control, or rectify or get to do what iit is they want to do or say right. I see this so lost, flailing, sheer terrified fear in my Mum's eyes, yet the dementia won't let me near her to hug her for her eyes to see and feel less lost, alone, flailing, afraid and terrified, it prevents suffers from being able to reach out, it makes them suspicious, paranoid, trustless, and the more of all that, that existenced suppressed within them prior to the diseases slithering cruel entry, the stronger and more raw after succumbing it gradually ALL reveals itself. All those unspoken fears, silenced worries, unforgotten nightmares ALL show themselves and become the suffers reality to live out in turmoil and terrified fearful, very lost and alone unbalanced irrational confusion.
😔💔😞
