Im tired of being strong, tired of being strong enough to strike n strike n strike again without tiring. Exhausted from being tired to be stronger everytime than I feel. Need a space to get refilled again, wish I get it....a quote
Sometimes, on certain occasions we just get tired of being strong. There comes some moments in life when we ( not necessarily everyone, I really wish no one has to go through this but..) just get tired of being drained out to last drop emotionally, mentally, physically again n again n again. Its very difficult, it requires hell out of energy to collect the shattered, scattered pieces of yours, to make yourself believe in yourself again n again. It takes a toll on you, when you have to remind yourself your own worth, to remind that what others saying, what they think about you is their perception, its not necessarily true. It requires whole lot effort to forget, push back those moments, when someone not just did ur character/personality assassination, infact did your existence- assassination.
No-one wants to live in environment full of negativity, toxicity. But life is full of twists, turns, surprises and sometimes it stucks you at that point where leaving toxic place is not an option may be for the time being or may be for prolonged time.
In such situations the question of survival arises with the given set of constraints, the first step will be to find out the ways to keep breathing and then methods, techniques, possibilities to keep your sanity intact in such environment. These methods, techniques, possibilities varies from person to person, one can't generalised them.
In my opinion based on my personal experience of living in such toxic situation, during such time the foremost thing for me is to find out a corner/ a place in toxic environment where I can feel safe emotionally, mentally and physically too. A place where I can recharge myself, refill up my drained out battery. Its very important for me to take control over myself at emotional and mental level, control my anxiety ( as I prone to panic attacks). After having hold on my nerves, trust me it takes lot of time and courage to shun out all the negativity being piereced into my soul and make myself ready to start again, start believing in the positivity already present in me which is being pushed back to the lowest level possible.
After finishing all this, I sit down, analyse the things and find out how much and what are the situations where I would be able to avoid head-on collisions. But to reach this thought process, the condition is, there won't be another encounter with toxicity before the final stage of this analysis ( Luck n God must be on ur side)😄😄😬😄 otherwise back to zero and restart.
I would have to keep practicing each single time to hold up myself tight and keep on trying to make a secure firm wall against toxicity, so that with time I reach to the point, where whatever toxicity comes to me, hit the wall and bounce back on the toxic creator😬😄🤪
There can be a very common thought that whats the need to do all this, just gather your courage and leave the toxic environment, its true even I used to feel same but life give twists to my story and put me in condition where leaving is not option, atleast not for now. So I start thinking, there are so many different toxic environments out there in life, how many times and till how we keep on leaving or running from it, so may be life is preparing me to fight the toxicity rather than running or leaving ( self-justifying gives you that cozy belief that whatever you are doing, there is deep logic behind it, human tendency you know😬🙈😄🤫🤫). So I am trying to motivate myself that I'm preparing myself to deal with any toxicity, with a hope deep inside, one day I'll be surrounded by toxic-free environment, till then I will keep attempting, may be will fail most of times but will succeed too, many times.
The secret is: keep breathing by all means 🤫🤫😄😄.....pratyaya singh
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