Advice

[seeker83]

My Partner has recently been diagnosed with depression, She means the world to me but i'm finding it difficult in how to help support her.

Can anyone give advice on the best way to help support her & hopefully bring her back to being the most amazing person again.

[loggerslot]

the best thing to do is to listen to her. ask her what sort support you can give her. tell her to talk and when she feels she is ready and that you are there unconditionally to support and listen to her. never try to force her to speak up what the issue is, doing so might make her feel like she is cornered and she may erupt which could create distance between both of you. give her some space and ask her if she wants to do anything that she likes to do but don't insist. if you live together give her tea and breakfast, it will make her feel she can trust and rely on you.

people with depression tend to be forgetful so resist having any minor confrontations about anything.

if you're going out for a walk or shopping ask her if she'd like to join you. try not to expect anything off her maybe in the sense of affection or appreciation.

for yourself give yourself a break now and then, maybe you can go for a walk to get out of the house or an activity you enjoy, it will help you recharge your own batteries.

i would avoid trying to surprise her as she may not know how to react and it would avoid disappointment for you. as she starts to feel better maybe then it will help her perk her up at the right moment but at the moment she needs support.

[Gambit62]

Agree with loggerslot - let her know that you are there if she wants to talk and also that you are there if she doesn't want to talk.

Depression isn't something that you can understand from the outside and that tends to be one of the most difficult things - people want to understand it - they want to take the feelings/numbness away and it can be frustrating for them. It is frustrating on the other side as you know there isn't actually anything that people can do to make the feelings/numbness go away and trying to explain and hitting a brick wall can just make things worse, so let her know that she doesn't need to explain how she is feeling. You could encourage her to join an on-line community like this one or Action on Depression.

One thing that happens in depression is the link between motivation and doing something gets switched so you don't feel like doing something until you actually start doing it. Think gentle encouragement is probably the order of the day.

Hugs can be good - skin to skin contact promotes the realease of oxytocin - one of the feel-good hormones.

You need to take care of yourself as well. It could take some time.

[seeker83]

Thanks for the input both.

some more information though,

Shes unwill for me to touch her & also when we do talk & I try to give her a boost it sort of backfires by her getting annoyed that I haven't gone further for example if I say "I love you" she will argue that it can't be true because she doesn't believe me unless I say "I love you because your as beautiful as the morning sun" this can yake many forms on many subjects as you can imagine, I just feel as if I'm trying to help an impossible situation for myself! It is at this time I feel I need a break & step back but that only makes things worse between us then....