I have two young children and I’m dealing with high stress - anxiety and depression. I’m concerned about how it is affecting my little one. I don’t want her learning bad behaviors from mom or being disappointed with me when she looks back on life and realizes I wasn’t perfect. Haha. Sounds ridiculous but this actually goes through my head quite often. Can anyone relate?
Is there Anything you tell yourself or do to push past all the fears of “being a bad mom”. My children are healthy, happy, everyone says I’m doing great and thinks I am too hard on myself. But I constantly think about “what if”. What if I ruin my children , what if I’m doing something wrong ?
How can I manage my fears that are chaining me from breaking free?
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As you said, your main problem is having too much anxiety and stress.
Among the negative effects of stress and anxiety can be mentioned the following:
Decreased immune levels
Impaired proper functioning of body organs
Decreased improvement in brain function and lack of adequate control over thoughts and behavior
-And ...
If you overcome your anxiety and stress, your negative thoughts will also decrease and as a result, you will be able to perform better in relation to raising your children.
Simple and general solutions to deal with stress and anxiety:
- Exercise
- Healthy diet
- Having fun and entertainment
Avoid factors that cause stress and anxiety in you.
If we want to use scientific solutions to stress and anxiety, we must turn to the science of psychology. There are many methods in psychology that can be used.
One of the best of these methods is the relaxation technique. Because some of the body's muscles contract during stress and anxiety, in this method the psychologist teaches us to release our muscles from the state of contraction and tension by doing exercises, and by expanding the muscles, it causes them to relax. Stress and anxiety get rid of your body.
The negative effects as you mentioned are so real. Unfortunately while those things pry at my body it makes it hard to get out of ruminating feelings of failure or for me to feel good when I’m doing any task because of the fatigue.
As much as I’d like to avoid stressful things I am unable too. I think it will be better if I can find tools that help me accept the situation as is and try not to let worry, fear, or control habits take over.b
I know that exercise will help - especially because it stops me from thinking for s time. I’m plagued to think a lot - I’m a curious philosopher at heart. But when I am active I am certainly happier - I’m trying to work towards a resolution of MOVEMENT.
I understand - when you’re in that situation, the last thing you feel you can do is exercise, and mindfulness seems like a waste of time. But it does really help.
And you know, even though he’s at work, your husband could cook once in a while - what would he do if he lived alone? Maybe the thing to teach your children is that Mommy’s needs matter. Whether they are boys or girls, this understanding will help them in future.
You’re doing great. Try and focus on the things you’ve done today that were ok, or even good. 🙂
Thanks for the response. And that must have been tough raising a kid as a child yourself. I can only imagine. Taking time to myself is so important. But very hard to do. I recently moved and so it’s just me while my husband is working. And when he gets home he also needs time to himself. So by the time dinner is done - he’s had a few more phone calls , the dogs have been taken care of and the kids are ready for bed I’m too tired to even think of myself. I hope I can change my perspective to integrating moments of “time for myself” with the girls. And of course accepting it as just that.
I understand you so well. My 11 year old daughter has ocd and anxiety and I feel so guilty because I know she has got this from me. People say that I shouldn't feel guilty because I'm a good Mum and I do take care of her the best I can and it is true and I'm sure you are the same and you do everything you possibly can. Do try to make some time for yourself as if you are well, they are well, even if it's just quick 5 minutes breathers in the bathroom (if they'll let you haha)
Thank you for your response. The hardest part is knowing yourself so well that you can see the effects of your behaviors imposed upon your children and how it might be something they learn.
I’m trying to find solace in that the decisions I make to break out of the cycle of anxiety is what matters most. I hope I can quit using so much guilty bad talk and instead hold onto the moments I give my children that teach them how to cope better then I have.
(Teaching by example)
I hope that when she sees me stress she sees me identify it and gracefully begin to step through that moment in time into a place of joy and not guilt. I need more laughter in my life. I need to give myself more grace.
I understand. I have two children, and I have some mental health issues. One of my children is of a similar nature to me. But the positive is that I understand him, and I’ve already arranged help and support for him that I never had.
That's so true. We can understand them and support them. Plus I often think there are so many poor children that are neglected and abused, our children are loved. We can't help having anxiety and ocd, I do everything I can to get better and even though I also do it for myself, I mainly do it for my daughter.
You’re doing great. Just think, if you had known this time last year what 2020 would be, you would have said, ‘I can’t do it’. But you have. And you’re so right. My mom never understood, but she loved me, and that gave me the security I needed. Your kids have both the love and the understanding.
Hi, Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. I am a psychological wellbeing practitioner and work in an IAPT service.
If you have one locally you can self refer and get support from a PWP who help reduce anxiety. Worry management is a great intervention that helps to self manage anxiety, especially those "what if" worries.
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