All or nothing mentality! : Hi all, I... - Weight Loss Support

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All or nothing mentality!


Hi all,

I am new and would like some advice. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food that has just declined over the years. I have an 'all or nothing' mentality, which has stopped progress so many times. If I don't get up early, have my hair and make-up done nicely, have a very good day at work that is fully productive, have 100% healthy food, drink lots of water etc. then EVERYTHING goes to pot. I feel silly but this is a routine I can't get out of - any tips?

23 Replies

Hello and welcome, TimeForChangeAgain :)

I'm sure you'll find many different answers to that. Knowing yourself is a good starting point. And maybe, from there, you could look at the bars you set yourself, to reach "all".

As for weight, a lot of us join this forum thinking we know what healthy eating is and then we do some reappraising because of the exchange of ideas and information here. Maybe that will be the same for you.

You'll find everything you need in Pinned Posts Have a look through to see what's on offer and I recommend joining a weekly weigh in, on the day of your choice, and using the Daily Diary, where members share their meal and exercise plans.

You don't say if you have a plan in mind but this one is straightforward, gimmick free, just real food, home-cooked

All the best :)


Flo-jo2020 August

Hi timeforachangeagain, I don’t think it’s silly at all, I think a lots of people probably have expectations that they don’t fulfil and then there day is disastrous. I am impressed that you have so many high expectations, I haven’t worn makeup in years so perhaps not the best person to give you any advice. One suggestion is to draw up two lists, one of your high expectations and then take a long hard look at the list and make a second list with much lower expectations that are more achievable. Go through the two lists and then ask your self what is realistically going to happen if you adopted the second list. I would make the second list your list and anything better is a bonus. What I’m trying to say is change your focus as it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You are human and you will make mistakes we all do but it doesn’t matter. Remember as long as you have more good days the bad then you are winning and life will feel much better.

Hidden in reply to Flo-jo

Thank you. That's a really good idea and definitely worth a try :)

I feel with you.

Our perfection often stays in the way and messes up everything. When we think we can't be perfect we don't try it at all, but we forgot when we try we can fail or win, but when we don't try we already failed.

We don't have to be perfect. Even a small step or a fast cleaning or one healthy meal per day is better than nothing.

It took me years to overcome that habit and I still struggle sometimes with it.

Especially when it comes to talking/writing with others. I often stay quiet only to avoid of making spelling or pronouncing mistakes.

Hidden in reply to Hasel17

Very wise words, thank you. It really helps to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Tiggerr10 kg

Hi TimeForChangeAgain and welcome :)

Lots of great advice already.

The way I eat and drink is completely different to how I did when I first joined this forum. That didn't happen overnight or even overyear (made up word :) ) but because I changed a bit here and a bit there. Some people are happy making big sweeping changes in their life and that works for them whilst for others just chipping away at what they want to change is what works.

Maybe pick one small thing in your routine that you think you can alter and see how it goes.

All the best!


Thank you :) yes... I think small changes consistently would work better for me. Because big changes, usually just leads to big mess ups!

BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to Hidden

I think you mean this for Tiggerr

I know what you mean. A single slip could made me think I better give up on this journey few months back... Still learning but I feel I have a better autocontrol now.Maybe planning your meals in advance can help you to stick with healthier choices, if I don't have a plan and my day is not going well is almost sure my choices will no be healthy, but if I already have a plan and my ingredients is different and easier going for the healthier option.

One step at the time 😉


It's great to hear how you've made progress with your control. Shows me it can be done :) like you said... Small steps.

BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to Hidden

Tagging Racheller

Hidden in reply to BridgeGirl

Thanks for tagging. I'm still getting used to this!

BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to Hidden

You're welcome :)

Racheller17kg in reply to BridgeGirl

Thank you

Racheller17kg in reply to Hidden

Still long way to go, but with all the the support in the community it doesn't feel that difficult like use to seems. Good luck and read you around 😊

Tank_EG6st 7lbs

HI TimeForChangeAgain,

I know what you mean with that desire for everything to be perfect and then turning to food when things don't turn out that way. This exact same issue probably helped me get to over 21.5 stone.

Thankfully life doesn't have to be this way 😀

Firstly why turn to food when things don't go perfectly? Maybe high carb food triggers a pleasurable response which your body craves so it may be worth having a look at the effect carbs have on our bodies. Controlling carbs could help here; look around at how others are using low carb diets to help with weight loss.

Secondly join in on the forum - post on the daily diaries and maybe join in on a weigh day. The daily diaries are a great place to sound off if you're having a bad day, want advice, celebrate achievements or just need a bit of encouragement. Really helpful if your day isn't going how you want it to 👍

All the best on your journey and wishing you every success

Hidden in reply to Tank_EG

Tank_EG thank you for your words. They're truly inspiring. I'm definitely going to join some of the forums.. Still getting my head around using this and then I'll be on :)


Looking good for a lot of us makes us feel better . My sister is a mirror image of this and you get used to seeing you a certain way and I don’t think this is wrong . I think it just needs planning as why change things which make you feel positive. I would batch cook and pre prep meals . Get your outfit out the night before and all your makeup to hand . I brought up 5 boys all at 1 time under 11 . We were never late for school . I was ironing 25 white shirts for them per week as I wanted them to look clean and well presented. This made me happy . We are all different and I wouldn’t take this as a negative. OK we all have bad days but tomorrow we rebound .

Hidden in reply to focused1

focused1 wow! I have an 11 year old step son that moved in with us a year ago and I think my house is chaotic! I applaud you! But I like your ideas of prepping the night before and in bulk. Something I'll try :)

focused1Maintainer in reply to Hidden

I don't think there is anything wrong with looking your best and presenting yourself well and I think it rubs on to your children . My sons are well groomed although I used to have to clean their bathroom every day . You just need the planned time do do it stress free . My kids clothes were all laid out on the settee with clean socks put into their shoes and all breakfast bowls on the table the night before and this is how I coped . We all had breakfast before we went out , schools bags and lunches were sorted before they went to bed .

Hidden in reply to focused1

I used to be a lot more organised before the pandemic. I think working from home (and the process of moving house) meant I stopped certain routines. When really, that's what I needed most!

Your post reminds me of my journey the past 16 years and how I lived chaotic before because of my perfectionism and high expectations on my and my life.

It changed little by little with one baby step at a time and patience and self-love for myself.

I must confess, when you would now ask me how I did it, I have no idea.

But I found an old cluttered box at Christmas. The old files I have already burned but it was also a lot of stuff from my surgery and the beginning of my journey in it. I'll look it up the next weeks, maybe I can find something interesting.

And maybe I should not burn everything to have a memory where I was and where I'm now. That I have something to be proud of it when I feel weak.

Hidden in reply to Hasel17

Thank you for sharing this and well done on all the amazing changes you've made. It really is inspiring to hear people were in the same position as me and have changed. It makes me feel like there is hope and there is a way out from feeling this way. ❤️

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