Other people’s perceptions. - Weight Loss Support

Weight Loss Support

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Other people’s perceptions.

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs

Hi all, just wondering what your thoughts are on how other people view your weight loss.

I’ve lost 1.5 stone and I feel like it’s really apparent. My hub thinks so too- he says I’ve lost weight in my face.

I went back to work today (it went well thank you to those in Monday mass movers who wished me well). Interestingly, and it doesn’t bother me, no one at work said anything. Now it could be that they can’t tell, or that they’re have learnt not to comment on how other people look.

What have your experiences been? Does it take a lot more than an 8% weight loss? And should we not expect anyone to say anything. Just curious....

Emma

44 Replies
oldestnewest
jd65
jd652 stone

The people who know I'm trying to lose weight have commented that they can see it in my face and the fact that my clothes are too big. The rest don't say anything unless I tell them - one work colleague said that she could see on video I was getting smaller but was concerned that it wasn't on purpose.

I presume your colleagues are just as polite.

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to jd65

Yes and it’s a double edged sword because if people at anything it can make them look a bit judgy can’t it. It’s just an interesting one.

AnnieW55
AnnieW55Maintainer in reply to jd65

I think the face is one of the first places for it to go from as excess isn’t needed there, there are no internal organs to protect. It took 2stones before anyone noticed my loss.

People often don’t comment: first, as has been said, due to a fear of it being because of illness; or they don’t really notice; or it can be due to jealousy (watch out for those saying one of whatever won’t hurt).

Congratulations on your loss, it’s your victory own it 😀. The thing is that you are far more likely to succeed doing it for yourself and feeling better in yourself. I have read in the past, in slimming magazines, that once the praise died away there was a bit of an anticlimax and it was harder to stick to the chosen plan.

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to AnnieW55

Oh yeah I’ve had that with drinking. I’ve stopped and have friends saying one won’t hurt! 😬

Thank you 😊

Flo-jo
Flo-jo2020 August

Hello Emmafromhull, I think mentioning someone’s weight is probably a no-no, it’s very personal, you wouldn’t know if they had been ill. I personally might say to someone “oh you look well”, even if they didn’t 😊 It wouldn’t even have occurred to me to think about whether anyone had noticed! I’m probably odd though and very thick skinned.😊well done on that amazing weight loss, I bet you look fabulous and sure your husband thinks so.

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Flo-jo

Yes I completely agree. 😊

siggie
siggie1st 7lbs

well done on your loss, your colleagues are probably been polite, some of my colleagues have noticed my weight loss and been complementary, though I think many notice may notice with your increased confidence and the knock out dress you can wear for the Christmas party 😊

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to siggie

I think you’re right. That’s a lovely way to think of it.

A couple of months ago I found myself thinking about other people’s reactions and even wrote a post:

healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

That was a moment when I really didn’t want people to comment anything at all. Afterwards I started observing my own reactions and found that they depend mainly on how I feel about a particular person 😊 was truly interesting to notice that from some people I almost hope to get a comment and from others I really don’t want any comments at all 😊

I do feel I’m ok now with whatever people do - notice or not, choose to comment or not. I am on my path for my own health, not for their benefit. Only now I might be approaching the moment when people will start expressing the idea that ‘it’s enough now’ - I had a couple of comments along those lines already. But I’m prepared to either state that I’m still overweight and that it will be enough once I’m of a healthy weight, or ‘innocently’ inquire about their own BMI - depending on my level of irritation at that moment 😊

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to N-o-r-d-i

Thank you so much for sharing. Really positive thoughts and ideas. It’s absolutely right that we have to be on our own healthy path for ourselves. X

It might be more difficult for your colleagues to notice if they haven't seen you as much recently, or (as others have said), they may be wrapped up in themselves or unsure what to say in case it offends. Personally, I dislike it when colleagues comment on weight loss as I don't like the idea of them monitoring me in that way. It sounds like you're doing amazingly well though. :)

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Greendream123

Yes I know what you mean. It’s the first time I’ve lost a decent amount of weight and was curious. I agree, I think I’m many ways it would be strange for them to look and judge.

Tall1732
Tall1732Maintainer

Hi and well done with the loss. I’ve also lost weight 20 kg since end of April I have comments that I’ve lost too much. Im bang in the middle of my BMI at 21.9. Keep up the good work.

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Tall1732

That is annoying. I bet you feel fabulous! Well done!

Wullie2009
Wullie2009Restart Nov 2020

I rarely comment on here Ermintrude, largely because my views differ from the majority. If I could just say to you, the most important person in all of this is you. After all, you are the one losing weight for the betterment of your health. So, if you have lost weight, and you feel better for it, you are already on a winner. The fact that your partner is in agreement with you as well is a double bonus.

All you need do now Ermintude is to maintain that current weight or choose to lose more. I is entirely your choice. in fairness though, "diets" per see, are merely temporary. Should you change your DIET, you can change your life. Personally I couldn't abide the idea of going on a "diet" all that calorie counting, wasting money on allegedly weight loss meals. They are by and large temporary fixes from which food manufacturers make billions because people have to keep going back on "diets" to lose weight again.

It's a bit like that wonderful saying "feed a man a fish and he's happy for the day: show a man how to fish and he's set up for life".

The most damaging thing we consume is Sugar: it kills more people than smoking does. Over indulgence in Carbohydrates will help to keep us overweight. Sadly consuming any Dairy products means consuming another mammals milk destined for their young, and not humans of any age. hit those on the head Ermintude and you are on a winner for life.

In fairness it is easier for males to lose weight than females, us males don't have the complex hormones to deal with. However, that aside, the greater success achievable and maintainable is working on the 3 above. Do that and you will not ever need to diet again. And more to the point, you will be healthy and believe in yourself.

I have lost 8 stone, mind you I needed to. I feel happier and healthier in my own body than any person other than me could feel. You deserve the best, do it for the most important person. Do it for you!

and I wish you every success

Wullie

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Wullie2009

Hi Wullie, what wonderful points you make. Thank you. Yes I am feeling super already, I still have some way to go- my target is to lose another 5-6 stone to get me into a healthy weight category. I am still rather heavy but making good progress.

I have tried many diets in the past and this time I have changed my attitude to food completely- living by the mantra ‘eat like you love yourself’ and I’m enjoying a cleaner and more fulfilling way of eating.

Well done on your loss- that’s great! Thank you again.

Bee-bop
Bee-bopMaintainer in reply to Wullie2009

I know this is nothing to do with the postvWullie but, just wanted to say I read the quote yesterday with a tweak which said " give a man a fish, and he's fed for a day..teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for a whole weekend!" 😂 I was looking for a silly present for a fishing friend of mine.

Fantastic with your weightloss there btw 👍

TheTabbyCat
TheTabbyCatAdministrator in reply to Wullie2009

Hi Wullie2009, it's lovely to "meet"you.Well done for your impressive weight loss, 8 stone is an important loss.

Are you just visiting our forum or would you like to join and become a more active member?

Which ever you choose you're very welcome.

M0rv3n
M0rv3n7lbs

Congratulations on your loss. I found at my work people were often too busy to notice things like weight loss, they were more focused on completing tasks and meeting targets of their own.

One lady lost weight, and changed her clothing style, and colour schemes before anyone took any real notice.

As others have said, you are the person in the skin, and doing it for yourself is the most important. Good luck with the next challenge you set yourself.

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to M0rv3n

Thank you and well said!

I think people are quick to say you have put weight on but say less when we lose weight.

I'm losing weight but nobody has said anything to me (family).

Well done Ermintrude 77.

Gary

Sweetpea57
Sweetpea57Restart Sept 2020

I've read all the comments with great interest and understand why people feel you should care less about what other people think and more about your own intrinsic emotions.....the reason, soon those compliments that you would like start to allow the other person to feel they can start asking personal questions about your journey and what starts off as flattery can start to feel like judgement when things inevitably start not going so well. Dont crave compliments....see them for what they are 'external validation' that you dont need if you want this to be your journey without the upset that can come with others opinions of you.

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Sweetpea57

Certainly, I don’t feel that I crave them but in the back of my mind I think I expected them. Which is silly really. These comments have been a fantastic reminder and have recentred my mind a little. I’m definitely doing it for me and for the first time in my life I think it has clicked! 🤞 thank you sweetpea57.

TheTabbyCat
TheTabbyCatAdministrator in reply to Sweetpea57

Welcome back to this amazing forum. I suggest you spend some time clicking about to find your way around as things have changed a little since your last visit. It's easier if you have a lap-top as there are several threads. If you’re using another device I strongly suggest that you use the web page as opposed to the app at least until you know your way around.

Have a good read of the pinned post “Welcome Newbies” and follow every thread.

Here’s the link to the pinned posts, healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Here’s the link for the “Tour” of the forum. If you haven’t already taken it.

healthunlocked.com/?tour=true

I strongly suggest you read and contribute to the Daily Diary and participate in a Weekly Weigh in.

You will find there's loads of tips about better eating, from other members. Sharing your daily menu not only helps you stay committed, it can help other members too.

Good luck I hope to "see " you around. Xx

Sewnknit
Sewnknit4 stone

A lot of people have gained weight over lock down and may be jealous!

I noticed this time round (after losing 7 st 20 years ago) that people are more reluctant to comment, both from PC concerns and also the fact that at 64 my weight loss may be due to health reasons and people don't want to pry, added to the fact that I worked in a hospital.

If I mentioned it, I often got the comment 'did you mean to?'.

My friend was against me losing too much at my age, - 'you'll think you look like chocolate but you'll really look like cr@p'. Bless! I've been lucky in that my face hasn't dropped off my jaw.

Another side to this - 20 years ago the dearly beloveds work had an epidemic of divorces. When his colleagues saw me the comment s he got were that I would 'be off'. He got really upset. I told him I wasn't going anywhere and they were just shallow. We've been together since I was 16, he loved me slim, he loved me fat, he loved me slim, he loved me fat and he still loves me a sensible weight for my height.

The doctors I've seen recently are just pleased.

Go you!

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Sewnknit

Weightloss and body image and others responses is hugely complex isn’t it. I’ve lost a small amount of weight in the past due to stress and my mum said well done. I didn’t know how to respond! 😬😂

It is an interesting topic and everyone is different. I personally haven't told anyone I'm losing weight, not a soul. 2 people have commented that they can see a difference but I've avoided being truthful and not told them I'm intentionally losing weight. Many people won't comment for the various reasons mentioned above. As long as you're happy for yourself that is the main thing. Well done on your loss x

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to IamwhatIam517

Thank you. I love the 'keeping your cards close to your chest' vibe!

M0rv3n
M0rv3n7lbs

Do you think it might be something to do with the numbers as well ..... Because you know how much you've lost, and its a lot of 2lb bags of sugar when all said and done, and you know you feel differently ( well I know I feel thinner losing a 1lb or 2) , so psychologically you expect people to notice ? ? ?

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to M0rv3n

Yes this is true indeed. when I lose a lb or 2 after not losing for ages I feel like 'my work is done!' Haha!

BJ2020
BJ20205 stone

I used to listen to them. The only opinion that matters is your own, good or bad. People only see the outside and its what you feels right on the inside that counts

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to BJ2020

Yes! Absolutely!

Currant
Currant2020 June

Hi Ermintrude77,

I had one person notice after losing 1.5 stone - the reason I think is everyone is so stressed and focused on all our current challenges. Give them time to adjust to your new levels of energy !

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Currant

The energy is coming on ... it's great isn't it!

Peacheabeau
Peacheabeau2020 August

Hi Emma, I have had compliments on my weight when I have lost weight from my neighbours and friends, and it is so nice when you are not expecting it. However, if you have not seen people for a while and have lost quite a bit, maybe they are just holding back in case there should be another reason for losing weight. Recently I held back on a friend who I could see had lost a lot of weight and she looked great, but unfortunately her cancer had returned further into our conversation. Kind regards Lynda.

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Peacheabeau

Indeed Linda and it would be awful is someone had some other stuff going on and everyone was like 'whoo well done you' wouldn't it!

Scaffie
Scaffie1 stone

Very Well Done on your weight loss!

My experience is that if I say I have lost people say well done. No one except OH has mentioned the lb rolling on!

When I have lost a significant amount in the past I have been lavished with praise which actually had to totally opposite effect, rather than encouraging me it made me think, 'well haven't I done well i can give up now'

So this time I'm doing it for me, so I can wear pretty things, feel comfortable and look better and feel healthier!

Keep up the good work and if you can forget about other people do it for you ;)

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs in reply to Scaffie

Aw thank you! Absolutely- there is a risk of thinking 'my work is done' if everyone shares their thoughts!

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs

Yes and on reflection I think I've decided I think it's better that colleagues and acquaintances don't say anything. If they notice when I've lost, they'll notice when I gain!

Ermintrude77
Ermintrude772st 7lbs

Haha- it's good to have your approach. I think I've got better as I've got older. The younger me would have cried if some one said I'd put weight on, but if someone had said it over the last few years I think I would have said you're right!

Delft
Delft2020 May

Well done to you Ermintrude! I know very well what you mean. A few years ago, I lost 4.5kg which was quite noticeable because I am short. A colleague asked me how much weight I'd lost and when I told her, her response was "Huh! I could s### 4.5kg! " and walked off ...

She was known in our workplace for being a bit mean but for me, that comment was the end of any regard I may have had for her.

I'm not a person who welcomes comments/remarks about my shape, what I'm wearing, the car I'm driving etc.

Anyway, loving thoughts and encouragement to all of us, yes me too, on our weight loss journey. Be safe everyone xoxo

TheAwfulToad
TheAwfulToadMaintainer

People have learned not to comment on appearance (particularly in a work-acquaintances context) because it can be taken the wrong way. Weight has become so politicized these days that it's a complete social minefield. Nobody wants to be hauled into HR for a politically-correct talking-to. So, better to say nothing than to say something complimentary. It's sad, but welcome to Modern Britain.

If you're losing weight, do it for yourself and your nearest and dearest. It doesn't really matter what people at work think.

SandyE
SandyE2020 September

My daughter would be appalled if someone told her she had lost weight! Mind you, she has put on 1 stone during lockdown and is chuffed to bits (at 5'5" she now weighs 8 stone!). She always hated being called skinny, so it can work both ways. It's probably not best to comment at all unless someone mentions their weight first.

TheTabbyCat
TheTabbyCatAdministrator in reply to SandyE

Welcome back to this amazing forum, as things have changed a little since you were last here I suggest you spend some time clicking about to find your way around. It's easier if you have a lap-top as there are several threads. If you’re using another device I strongly suggest that you use the web page as opposed to the app at least until you know your way around.

Have a good read of the pinned post “Welcome Newbies” and follow every thread.

Here’s the link to the pinned posts, healthunlocked.com/nhsweigh...

Here’s the link for the “Tour” of the forum. If you haven’t already taken it.

healthunlocked.com/?tour=true

I strongly suggest you read and contribute to the Daily Diary and participate in a Weekly Weigh in.

You will find there's loads of tips about better eating, from other members. Sharing your daily menu not only helps you stay committed, it can help other members too.

Good luck I hope to "see " you around. Xx

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