Another week down. The all so familiar Friday night fatigue after a another crazy week has set in. I know I usually get all soppy towards the end of the week and I promise I will try to work on that! I cancelled on social plans again with my girlfriend this evening and I feel awful for doing so. Her friends asked us to Winter Wonderland over a month ago and I did try my best to go with her but I didn't finish work till 7.30 and Friday's are always mental as we normally have 2 lists running and everyone needs precise discharge plans so that anyone who stays in the hospital is well looked after. There are only 3 doctors covering the whole hospital over the weekend so its extra important on Friday that every patient has a clear plan and the paperwork required to go home if required. Ahh the life of a junior doctor in the NHS!
I am lucky that my girlfriend is not putting any pressure on me these days to be social and that helps a lot. It feels like I am some kind of circus act spinning so many different plates at once and I am constantly on edge to not let any of them come crashing down and smash on stage. The pressure is immense at the best of times and keeping on top of my shoulder pain is always in the background and visible to the people around me. I just hope I can keep get through this journey and not let anyone down.
When I close my eyes and take a deep breath in, I always remind myself of my purpose for being and why I am going through all of this. As a patient, I can now finally understand the holes in our healthcare system and what needs to be done. All I can say is that because of this personal affliction, the fire within me burns stronger than ever. I go to bed every night and dream of a far more balanced, efficient and more importantly equal system where every man, woman and child can reach the peak of their physical and mental wellbeing. I simply will not stop until this is achieved.
With every week that I get through, I am learning more and more about myself and coming closer to realising this crazy dream of mine. I just need to keep focused on the mission and never forget to smile along the way (even when I have incredibly painful needles in my back!!)
I hope you have all had a terrific, productive week. I am receiving an incredible amount of support from the HU community and I am always happy to answer any of your questions. Let's keep all our dreams alive and remember to try and have some fun along the way!
CUDOS to you all,